


The Kiss of Hell's Winter

by Venus_Persephone



Category: Thir13en Ghosts (2001)
Genre: Angst, Body Horror, F/M, Horror, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Mental Health Issues, Mental Institutions, Psychological Horror, Rape, Rape/Non-con Elements, Supernatural Elements, Thriller, Torture, Tragic Romance, Trauma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-14
Updated: 2020-03-22
Packaged: 2020-10-18 12:04:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 19
Words: 57,846
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20638883
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Venus_Persephone/pseuds/Venus_Persephone
Summary: A young woman breaks into Borehamwood Asylum and finds herself at the mercy of its most infamous patient.Will she survive the nights that follow?Reviews are welcome.





	1. Prologue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This piece was written some time ago. Many sections were done as part of a collaborative work with another author writing another story. Unfortunately, their story is no longer available or I would link it.  
If I were to re-write this, it would be a very different tale in the middle, but I can't bring myself to because it's special to me.  
Please, take this tale and consider it Part 1 in the Ryan 'The Jackal' Kuhn Saga.

** Prologue **  


  
It was a dark night. The trees swayed roughly in the strong easterly wind surrounding the old Victorian building making the branches scrape like wiry fingers along the glass panes of the barred windows.  
The doors leading to the facility are heavy and locked with bolts and electrical key codes, the building having been updated some years ago.  
The corridors are magnolia in colour on the walls and ceilings, the wooden floor a deep mahogany brown, almost black. Laminated signs regarding hand hygiene, carer support and group activities adorned the halls where nurses who no longer wear uniforms aside from an identification badge busied themselves between their patients and the seemingly endless paperwork which now is data-based on computers instead of handwritten in notes. They are no longer allowed to call their residents 'patients'; they are referred to as 'service users' now.

Occasionally the newly installed halogen lights flickered on and off along with the rest of the power infuriating members of staff who tried to input progress notes.  
"Shitty thing," the charge nurse exclaimed as he hit the screen as if that would stop it from playing up.  
"What's up with the lights? I thought they'd all been replaced to stop this," another nurse asked him.  
"Along with every other piece of electrical equipment, plus new wiring throughout the building, just nothing wants to work here." The charge nurse answered, picking up a selection of handwritten notes on a 'service user', "Perhaps she's right that one in bedroom 11, maybe he does take out the lights so he can get her," he remarked sarcastically. Both of them started laughing at the absurdity.  
  
Further into the hospital, the nursing numbers start to dwindle. Past more coded doors to prevent patients from entering areas they shouldn't, along corridors illuminated by the flickering of strip lights which hum in time with the darkness. The further back into the old building you get, the clearer the older characteristics become. Heavy metal doors enclose on what used to be padded cells but are no more, they are simply rooms like the others here but these ones are sparser and kept locked to prevent self harm and suicide. The nurse to patient ratio is higher at this end of the building for security reasons, but the halls are eerily silent for the nurses feel uneasy here and don't wish to travel the long distances.  
Many of the bedrooms are empty save for a few which keep some of the more violent of the patients in them; most are sleeping soundly having been administered their medications and sedatives. In one cell however, at the furthest part of the hospital, one patient squirms against her restraints restlessly.  
It is no longer the practise of mental health hospitals to use such methods on patients but in this case they have no choice. The young girl inside has been bound to one of the old beds which came with leather straps and binds, these attach well to the old fashioned strait jacket they have placed her in. She is watched by a security camera but this too is unreliable, losing its electrical feed for long periods of time. She stares up to the ceiling, her eyes stung red with tears as she watches the light flashing on and off, jumping every time the room turns pitch black.  
Her case is complex, she suffers with post-traumatic stress disorder as a result of an incident occurring six months ago which she has not recovered from and is unlikely to.  
"Where are my meds?" She asks herself, "Why haven't they come to give me my meds?" She is already heavily sedated, but without a last injection for the evening she knows that she won't sleep tonight.  
The light flickers again and she screams in the momentary darkness, the branches on the trees outside tease her with their tapping, they sound like her pursuer, as if he is biding his time.  
Her door has her name written on it, buts she does not respond to her name anymore, she insists that this is not her name; the doctors suspect this to be a reaction to her ordeal, a way of disassociating herself from it.  
She is known for self harming but the nurses and doctors cannot find a method; no blade has even been found and the wounds which adorn her flesh are too deep and clean to be the result of her fingernails. Hence why they put her in the strait jacket and bound her to this old bed; but still she manages somehow to cut herself and there is not enough staff to watch her constantly.  
The girl cannot bring herself to close her eyes. Instead she starts to sing quietly as the light in her room continues to taunt her, hot tears streaming down her face once again. "A cross upon… Her bedroom wall… From grace, she will fall…" she swallows, trying to relieve her dry mouth as she remembers how she came to be here, "An image burning… In her mind… And between her thighs…" 


	2. Alyx

"What are you, scared?" Kelly asked as she and the others began climbing the locked gate of the old asylum. The question was directed at Alyx a typical young goth aged nineteen, sporting a Cradle of Filth t-shirt which she had altered to make into a tiny tight top with no sleeves, a little black skirt which resembled a manga-hentai mini, black tights and some of the finest New Rock knee high boots you ever saw. Her face was white, partly because of her natural complexion and partly through the aid of makeup, her eyes ringed in black eyeliner and eyeshadow. Her full lips were painted a dark blood red contrasted perfectly by the silver titanium labret hoop she wore. She threw her pink Hello Kitty bag over the wall to her comrades.  
"Of course I'm not scared, r-tard" Alyx responded as she started to climb the gate to join the other three. She jumped from the top of the gate and landed on the hard ground. She brushed the dirt off her knees and shins and tried to catch up with the others. It was dark already so a little dirt wouldn't show too much.  
"So tell me why we're here again?" she asked Kelly who still wore a Funeral For A Friend t-shirt despite the fact that that particular band had only been good at the start with their first album and anything after that was mindless emo to Alyx. Kelly was naturally blonde and fit which put Alyx to shame, although she was petite. Kelly was a natural stunner though.  
"We're ghost-hunting." Kelly said.  
"Yeah," agreed Beth.  
"C'mon people," Alyx said smiling, "If there are any ghosts here, what makes you think we're special enough for them to give a damn?"  
Kelly giggled and placed her arm over the shoulders of Darren, the only guy who hung out with them, he was relatively attractive with his ash blonde bangs which he kept sweeping from his hazel eyes, "There's a notorious ghosty here. He usually always shows up."  
Alyx looked up at the old building which looked like it was ready to crumble to the ground at the next gentle breeze. The others were joking and laughing as she walked along the wall towards an old copper sign, she tore the ivy from it revealing the name of this place.  
"Borehamwood Asylum?" She questioned, "Kelly, I've never heard of this place before, and I'm quite up on ghosts. Are you sure there's one here?" There was something about the idea of ghost hunting in an asylum that made Alyx's stomach turn queasy.  
"They call him the Jackal!" Kelly shouted at her, _Why are they given such stupid names?_ Alyx thought. "He died when this place burnt down in 1908." She approached her friend and began talking in her best Vincent Price voice "Some say that he still wanders the halls looking for victims."  
"Stop with the Boris Karloff shit, okay!" Beth shouted, "You're freaking me out!"  
Alyx turned to Beth, a look of disgust on her face, "Boris Karloff? Are you kidding me? Have you ever even watched a horror movie, Beth?"  
Beth looked confused, "Well sure, I've seen My Bloody Valentine loads of times!"  
"That was shit! It does not count as a horror movie!" Alyx insisted.  
"C'mon ladies, don't bitch," Darren interjected as he reached into his rucksack and pulled out some torches, "We're on a mission remember."  
_Some mission_, Alyx thought as she took the torch from Darren and checked to see it was working. Kelly took hers and then made for the front of the old, deserted asylum.  
"Anyone wanna hazard a guess as to how we get in?" Beth asked.  
Without even hesitating, Kelly took the butt of the torch and smashed it through one of the windows. She reached through and unlocked the latch before pulling herself up and entered the building.  
"I guess that answers that then," Alyx remarked as she too climbed in followed by the others.  
  
It was musky and dark inside and Alyx could swear there was still the smell of burning inside. This place had obviously not seen the better side of duster for years, some of the cobwebs reached from the floor to the ceiling.  
"Damn dude! This place is fucking epic!" Kelly said.  
They made their way through the corridors with their torches on. Just occasionally Darren would run his fingers up Beth's spine making a ghoulish noise as he did. No matter how many times he did it Beth would jump.  
"Stop it, Darren! I can't deal with no Gremlin shit!"  
Kelly led the way past an old desk, obviously the reception area once and looked up to the wall which had several signs indicating the names of different wards and their directions in this huge building.  
"So… Where's this notorious ghost you were telling us about?"  
"Oh yeah, like I have a map with an X on it saying where he is." Kelly said sarcastically, "There's so many wards; maybe we should split up?"  
"You're having a laugh aren't you?" Alyx came up and spun Kelly around by her shoulder, "This place is huge; it's a labyrinth! Look!" She pointed her torch up to the signs, "There are three floors to this place plus a basement, each floor separated in to three wards and that's not counting the administration offices and stuff."  
There was a moment of silence as Kelly considered this, always the most popular of a group and automatic leader she thought about the options.  
"This place has a basement? Okay, so we start from one end and make our way to the other, is that okay with you, chicken shit?"  
Alyx turned and started making for the entrance, slinging her bag over her shoulder. Darren quickly moved and stood in her way, placing his hands on her bare shoulders. Hushed, angry words were said between them before Darren was able to convince her to not walk out. The young goth did not appreciate the language used by her so-called friend especially when all she wanted was to make sure no one got hurt or lost.  
It was decided that they would start at the basement and work their way up.  
  
The air leading down to the basement was stale and smelt of something not pleasant at all. It was also dark and every footstep upon the concrete floor echoed loudly, Beth held tightly onto Darren's arm refusing to even open her eyes as they descended the stairs. There must've been a leak in one of the pipes around them for they could hear the loud dripping of water landing in a small puddle somewhere in the darkness. There was damp in the air, it must've been playing havoc with Kelly's straightened hair. Alyx dared not touch the sides of the walls in case of fungus growing between the cracks, the very idea of her hand touching something damp and spongy right now was gross. There were no windows down here, no light could enter. The further down they went, the worse the basement began to smell.  
They reached the bottom of the stairs and began walking through the darkness being careful not to trip on the strange contraptions that lay haphazardly on the ground.  
There were several old fashioned stretchers in here, each with leather restraints on them, they were charred black from the fire all those years ago. They kept walking together, barely leaving five feet between them.  
"Looks like some kind of storage area," Kelly commented as she scanned the rooms with her torch, placing her sleeve over her mouth, "Ah man, smells like the backside of Slough down here."  
Another room lay ahead but the sight of it made Alyx shiver, the room was closed with a solid looking metal gate, a chain hung from it but the padlock was open. She looked around at the others.  
"Only one more room left," she gulped, "I'm not sure it's a good idea to go in though,"  
"Oh yeah, I've got a funny feeling in my toe," Kelly said sarcastically as she pushed past Alyx and casually opened the gate, which made an unsettling squealing sound, "Well? Are you coming or not?"  
Alyx was felt uneasy about venturing further but couldn't resist the temptation to look especially as Darren and Beth walked into the darkness with Kelly.  
The torches barely pierced the inky blackness of the cellar making it appear very claustrophobic. The room appeared empty, no unused beds, no empty boxes of medication, not even a pile of sheets. Kelly shone her torch around in a slow circular motion, but stopped when the light revealed something.  
"Oh sweet Jesus!" She cried and dropped her bag. The others ran to her side and pointed their own lights at her discovery. Alyx gasped and placed her hand over her mouth.  
"What's happening?" Beth cried, she still had not opened her eyes and now it looked like she would crush Darren in her vice like grip.  
No one knew how to describe what they could see, it seemed too inhumane. Attached to the wall were chains and leather restraints along with the torn remains of what looked like a strait jacket hanging from them.  
"Oh God, please tell me they didn't keep someone down here?" Darren asked.  
Alyx gulped as the light from her torch fell on something else, she stepped forward, not daring to think that what she was looking at was what she thought it was.  
"Alyx?" Kelly asked in a shaky voice, "What the fuck?"  
Reaching into her bag Alyx pulled out a tissue from the pack she carried, she knelt down and picked up the item, not expecting it to be so heavy. She held it quizzically with one hand while she shone her torch on it with the other. Her eyes widened in fear as she realised what it was; a tiny cage, an old fashioned head restraint used in asylums for particularly dangerous patients. She dropped it which made a loud echoing clatter on the ground as she felt her gag reflex kick in.  
"I want out!" Beth screamed, "I can't take it!"  
_And Kelly calls me chicken shit…_  
"For fucks sake Beth, get a grip will you!"  
"No Kelly, this is fucked! I want to get out of this place and back home," she squealed.  
At that moment a sound came from behind them. It sounded like a cackle of some kind but the echo distorted it, no one dared move, they were silent for a moment.  
"That's it!" Alyx said waving her torch, "Game over! I'm getting out and if anyone wants to join me they're welcome to." She started walking out of the room.  
"Wait, you can't leave. We've only just started!"  
Alyx turned suddenly with an angry look in her eyes; she shone her torch in Kelly's face.  
"Kelly mate if you wanna stay down here playing Ghostbusters all night you can do it alone. I'm not staying here. Plus, in case you haven't noticed," she turned the light to the tiny cage on the floor, "If there is a ghost here, maybe it's the guy they chained up down here and put that on his head, and if it is then to be honest mate, I don't _want_ to meet him!"  
The goth turned and made for the exit with Beth and Darren walking with her. Kelly gave in to the peer pressure and followed them quickly, pushing Alyx into the wall so that she could take the lead, "Move it, goth."  
"An 'excuse me' would've worked just as well, emo kid!" Kelly stopped, a small, wicked smile spreading across her lips. She began to frisk herself.  
"Oh shit! I left my bag!"  
"Where?"  
"Back in that room."  
Beth now started crying against Darren and he said he would lead her out. Kelly and Alyx started heading back to the dark cell and both stopped by the gate.  
"Don't know why, but I don't wanna go back in there," Kelly said weakly.  
"Oh for Christ's sake I'll go then." Alyx responded as she entered the room. She picked up Kelly's shoulder bag but couldn't help to look at the tiny cage on the floor again.  
"Hey man, toss it over!"  
Alyx obeyed, throwing the bag to the obnoxious teenager without even looking. Only now did she notice the bars of the cage had been wrenched apart. She shuddered as she looked at it.  
The sound of metal upon metal drew her back, she turned focusing her torch light on where the noise was coming from. The gate was closing quickly, slamming shut.  
"Shit!" She cried as she ran for it, but when she threw herself against the cold metal she saw Kelly wrapping the chain around it and locking the padlock over it. Alyx and Kelly stared at one another for this moment, both fuelled with rage, "Kelly, what the Hell?"  
"Sleep well, sweetie." She turned to leave.  
"You can't leave me here you psycho!"  
"Can't I?" She smiled evilly, "Don't worry I'll come and let you out in the morning"  
"With what? You got a magic key on you or something?"  
"I'll get Darren to bring a crowbar and let you out,"  
Of course, Darren! Alyx began shouting as loudly as she could to her friends who were already on their way out.  
"Don't bother mate, they'll be out by now. I'll just say you ran away scared shitless!" Kelly turned to leave, "Hey, if that ghost stops by? Take notes," she laughed as she left.  
  
Alyx screamed with rage against the metal gate which refused to budge despite her best efforts. Aside from the light of her torch, the place was in pitch darkness. No one responded to her screams, no one was coming...  
_Not good man, not good!_ She threw herself once more at the gate but it barely moved, _Fucking bitch! Right, calm down mate. Panicking isn't going to solve anything... Great! Okay,_ She checked her watch, _Half ten, later than I thought at least... Okay, Kelly will probably go back to the flat, get pissed, maybe wake up with a hangover around noon, take about two hours to get herself ready, another hour to get here if she walks briskly, which she won't, so do the maths... EIGHTEEN HOURS! Minimum!_ There was no doubt that Kelly would return tomorrow, she wasn't that stupid, but it was still almost a whole day stuck in this dirty, smelly little room.  
"Oh shit!" she cried, kicking the ground, placing her hands to her head and pulling at her hair in dismay, "No food, no water... And now you're talking to yourself... Great!" Then an idea formed, "PHONE!" she cried. She looked through her bag to find her pink mobile, which illuminated as she slid it open, only to reveal the dreaded 'No Signal' message, "No, no, no, no, no! Don't do this to me, not now!" She pressed the buttons in vain but the error kept appearing. Finally she gave up, slamming it shut with her hand and pressing it to her forehead, pushing her black fringe up, "Fuck!" Accepting defeat she turned her attention back to her bag.  
_I wonder how long this iPod battery will last, that'll kill some time. I suppose I could sleep for a while too... And there's the games on my phone, it might as well serve me like that..._ Her eyes lit up as the light shone on a tiny metal tin in her bag, she took it out and opened it.  
"SCORE!" She laughed, "Ha! Joke's on them, I've still got the weed!"  
She scanned the room with her torch one more time realising with a sense of dread that the battery in it may not last the whole time. She'd have to turn it off to conserve the energy, _Good thing I'm not afraid of the dark…_ She preferred the idea of being as far away from the strait jacket and head cage as she could get so she sat opposite them, back to the wall, torch held between her teeth as she made herself a small joint. She turned on her iPod and listened attentively to Theatre of Tragedy singing 'Samantha', humming the tune with one earphone in. Her eyes occasionally drifted to the restraints in front of her. She grabbed a small notebook from her bag and wrote on a fresh page 'Hour 1'. She lit the joint, placed the iPod on shuffle, rose the torch so the beam landed on the head cage, and softly spoke "Okay, you son of a bitch. Show me what it's like to be you." She turned off the light just as Disturbed began playing 'Droppin' Plates'.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Very obvious use of a lot of phrases me and my friends used to use back in college. Ah, those were the days!


	3. Knock Once For Yes, Twice For No

_11:40... _Alyx took another drag on the joint that she’d managed to keep going for all this time, turned on the torch for the twentieth time and began writing in her notebook.  
‘Hour 2: Feeling seriously bored. I’m so gonna press charges against Kelly when I get out. So far there’s been no sign of this ghost, the Jackal, but it’s early hours yet.’  
The iPod fell silent after a good dose of Cradle of Filth and Alyx decided that now was a good time to stop listening to it; it was unlikely to last all night anyway.  
She got up, wiping any debris from her skirt as she rose and walked to the gate determined to give it one last go with her own strength. She shook the metal with all the force she could muster, surely it can’t be that strong, it had to be over a hundred years old. But her efforts were in vain. Her long black hair swung wildly about her head.  
_Man, they really made these things to last, didn’t they?_ She turned back, shining her torch around, the beam resting on the old strait jacket. _Okay, you win… Let’s have a closer look. _She edged cautiously to the fabric, avoiding the head restraint with a vengeance which as it was still making her shudder. The material felt coarse and couldn’t have been the most comfortable garment in the world.  
“Poor sod,” she whispered, “What the Hell did you do that warranted you ending up down here?” whoever this guy was, whatever he had done, was this treatment justifiable? She knew about the poor conditions of mental health hospitals in the early 1900s.They were overcrowded, forcing the level of care to drop and with it the reintroduction of the more barbaric methods, severe electroshock therapy for people who didn’t need it, baths filled with ice to shock someone to their senses, even the use of branding tools, but this… To lock someone in the dark, alone… She fingered the jacket delicately, turning it this way and that until she found something, in the cuff of the neck written in dark ink although hard to read because of the grime. Alyx squinted at it trying to decipher the obvious doctor’s handwriting.  
“What the Hell does that say?... It doesn’t look like anything… Is that an ‘R’? Weirdest looking ‘R’ I ever saw… Ry… Ryan? Ryan… Kuhn? Ryan Kuhn… Nice name, I suppose, for someone who’s been kept down here for a reason…” She turned and made her way back to her bag and sat down. She lit her joint once more; she was starting to feel pleasantly stoned now which was good, she wasn’t one for feeling paranoia during her highs. Another toke and it was done so she stubbed it out underfoot.  
_Well, _she thought, _I can either sit here aimlessly or I can do something productive with my time. _She placed the torch upright so that the light shone up to the ceiling, put her iPod, phone and tin in the pocket of her skirt, placed her notebook in her lap and tried to relax.  
“This is such a bad idea,” she whispered to herself, “But there’s sod all else to do… Okay,” She cleared her throat sat with her back against the wall and waited, listening for any sounds she may have missed while she’d been listening to music.  
The dripping pipe still echoed its repetitive chorus loudly and the occasional scratching sound from behind the gate which could’ve just been a rat certainly added to the atmosphere.  
‘11.50 - Strange noises but so far they can be explained’ she wrote ‘that strait jacket in the corner is totally creeping me out though. I keep thinking I can see it move. I will now attempt communication with the spirit.’  
“Is there anybody there?” She asked the darkness. Nothing. “I ask again, is there anybody there? Knock once for yes; twice for no,” It seemed like a good thing to say at the time but as the words came from her mouth she could see the mistake, “Wait, how can someone knock twice if they’re not there?”  
A movement caught her eye which made her jump and take in a sharp breath. She reached for the torch and shone it around the room. Nothing. Just the darkness… She sighed in relief.  
A high pitched cackle cut through her very being. She shot up in panic, back to the wall, gripping tightly to the torch. The sound had come from in here with her, she was sure.  
“H… Hello?” She asked the emptiness, the only response was the dripping of water, “Is someone there?... Kelly?” Alyx’s heart pounded in her chest as she spun round wildly looking for whoever was in there with her, it made no sense, there was nowhere in here to hide, “This isn’t funny, okay!” She shouted trying to sound tough but her voice was breaking with her own nerves. She gulped, trying to relieve her suddenly dry throat. The laughter came again, this time to her left, almost right in her ear. She shrieked, hitting the air wildly with her arms. She backed herself into the corner, not caring about the dampness of the wall anymore or how cold the bricks felt.  
She held her breath, hoping to hear better but the only audible sound was the frantic beating of her own heart.  
_Don’t panic mate,_ she told herself, _It’s just a ghost… Ghosts can’t hurt you…_ An icy coldness grazed her cheek as if to spite her thoughts, like fingertips edged with razors.  
Alyx screamed at the touch and dropped the torch which went out on impact, leaving her in darkness. She fell to her knees, scrabbling desperately to find it in the murk as she heard something approach. She fumbled blindly, cursing with every step that came closer to her until she felt the cold metal. She grabbed it, turned it on and shone the beam into the face of the oncoming oppressor who lunged as she screamed in horror. 

The Jackal forced her back against the wall with tremendous force, taken aback only momentarily by the fact that she had actually been able to see him, but this did not stop him. Without hesitation he began clawing at her pale flesh, leaving deep and painful gashes in her arms which she had raised to protect her face.  
Alyx dropped the torch more from fright than anything else, but it did not go out this time, it merely spun round making the beam face her, so she could see the man who attacked her.  
She screamed as she saw him properly and how he loved that, he had not had the pleasure of a woman see him for years, not since that girl in the glass house.  
Her screams rung beautifully to him, making him slice her exposed arms more.  
Her eyes fixed for a split second on the face of the ghoul before her and the image chilled her to her very core; grey, cold dead skin surrounded by waves of dark tangled hair which flew in all directions, a mouthful of viscous looking teeth, all encased by a rusty, metal cage with the bars pried open. He wore an old fashioned strait jacket but the sleeves were untied, the fabric was grimy and coarse. His eyes... She would never forget the savageness she saw in his blacker than black pupils...  
Alyx tried to fight him off but it was useless, _Oh God! This can’t be happening! Please God!_ He laughed at her as she struggled, trying to kick him away with everything she had but he only pressed his body closer to hers in order to feel her writhing against him in protest. He grabbed her wrists with one hand and forced them above her head, pinning her to the wall, he leaned forward, the cold metal of his head cage pressing against the flesh of Alyx’s cheek. She struggled against him as she felt him getting excited by her, _Oh God!_  
He tore at her with savage claws, ripping her top off her torso and making bloody gashes across her breasts. He liked this one, she was small, petite and young, she may have even been younger than the one in that glass house. He brought her close, savouring the feeling of her naked chest pushed against him, her face pushing against his cage, his face inches from hers.  
“Get off me you freak!” she screamed as she battled against his embrace, she tried to push her arms between them.  
He laughed at her pitiful attempts, he was going to enjoy her immensely if she continued to fight like this.  
Left with no alternatives Alyx decided in the heat of the moment to fight dirty for nothing else was going to help her. She spat at him.  
The Jackal did stop, he looked away for a moment and relinquished his hold on her.  
_Score!_ Alyx thought as she slithered free of him and tried to run.  
She didn’t see how his eyes glared at her in a mix of hunger and anger, she didn’t see him flicker out of existence for that brief moment, all she saw was him re-materialising before her. She screamed as he grabbed her dark hair.  
_How dare she! Who does the little whore think she is? _He raised his hand and smacked her hard across the face, cutting her pale flesh along the jaw line and then threw her roughly to the wall.  
Alyx’s vision became blurry instantly, she groaned as she tried to push her body from the damp floor. Her mind screamed at her to run, but her legs would not comply so she began to desperately crawl across the ground knowing that there was nowhere for her to go, nowhere to run to.  
The Jackal watched her for a moment as she crawled away from him, he watched the way the blood from her arms and chest made its way to floor, he watched how her black hair hung in a mess over her face and shoulders and found himself relieved that he hadn’t damaged her too much when he’d thrown her. This little one was fighter and it had been a while since he’d had a challenge, the young woman in the glass house would’ve made an excellent addition to his collection but she had got away from him before he could have his way. He began to walk closer to Alyx, his image flickering as if on a poorly signalled television. Yes, the last one had got away… He would not let that happen again.  
“This isn’t happening,” Alyx whispered, “This is a dream! Wake up, Alyx, wake up!” Even as she cried which stung her face where the Jackal has clawed her, she heard him approach her, heard him kneel on the floor.  
_How accommodating she is... _He thought as she crawled further from him. He grabbed her hair, brought her back to him, and in what seemed like a single movement he tore her tights from her legs, he grabbed her little skirt, ripping it at the back his claws catching on her panties.  
Now Alyx began to claw frantically at the floor, she dare not turn around, she didn’t want to acknowledge what he’d just done.  
_What a little slut she is to wear such a little skirt, _He thought as he grabbed her and dragged her to him, _But how considerate of her to wear it for me..._  
The more she battled against him, the more she screamed, the more aroused he became.  
“Let me go!” She yelled as she tried to kick him with her almighty boots.  
_Oh, such determination, such vigour..._ No, he would not let her go, and now as he felt her rub against his member he let out a low sigh. He was ready to make her his.  
He did not hesitate further, he released himself and drove into her without mercy.  
Alyx cried out a bloodcurdling scream that would’ve peeled the skin from the very bones of anyone who was listening as the Jackal tore her apart internally and began thrusting within her. Again she tried to crawl away only to be brought back every time upon him.  
It did not take long for him to finish, a few minutes maybe, it had after all been a long time for him and usually his victims would not survive the ordeal so it was best to make sure they would still be breathing as he finished with them. He had gotten used to using his bare hands where he would previously have used a knife and had been too 'enthusiatistic' in the past. To Alyx though, it had seemed like hours, every movement so painful and to add insult to injury he came inside her letting out a harsh cry as he did.  
Alyx collapsed to the floor after that, exhausted, beaten and drained.  
She drifted into a blurry, unnatural sleep catching a glimpse of the Jackal’s ghost as he dematerialised leaving only the sound of his devilish laughter behind... _No,_ Alyx thought as the darkness crept over her, _Ghosts can’t do that..._  
This however, was only the start of her nightmare...


	4. Ghosts Can't Hurt You

When Alyx awoke her head spun and her limbs felt stiff. She gingerly moved herself and pain shot through her body it seemed from her toes to the ends of her hair.  
“Uh… What happ…” She questioned as she had momentarily forgotten her ordeal, but the ache from her jaw and the feeling of cold metal round her wrists soon reminded her. This was no dream… “No,” she cried as she pulled her arms towards her, they were locked together in a pair of rusty old shackles which were attached to a heavy looking chain and that was bolted to the wall., “This isn’t happening, this isn’t real... It can’t be real!” She screamed at nothing.  
Alyx rose to her knees, trying her best to ignore the pain as the movements of her body caused her wounds from the previous night to reopen and start bleeding again. She was crying and it stung her cheeks where her attacker had ripped her face, a mix of tears and blood began dripping down her neck. Despite this she had a determined look in her eyes and her survival instinct kicked in once more. She grabbed the chain with both hands and began pulling it with all the strength she could muster. She wrenched it, threw it, screamed at it but it was secure. She refused to give up. She ran as far as she could in the room but was brought crashing to the ground with a hard impact upon her ribs when the chain reached its limit.  
Alyx gritted her teeth, breathing hard. She had not realised just how much her body hurt, internally she felt raw from the Jackal’s abuse, and externally she was butchered.  
_What the fuck happened? _ She asked herself as she stared up at the ceiling, she was still in the basement she was sure of that but her eyes had obviously adjusted to the darkness slightly to allow her some vision. She was not in the same room, she was sure. Why had she been moved? What had he done to her?  
She pushed herself to stand up and looked down at her body, dreading what she would see. Her tights were in shreds, what was left of them clinging to her body only where her boots now kept them; she was still wearing her little skirt but apart from that she was naked. Her flesh which was normally very pale was now practically covered in dried crimson viscous from the many lacerations he had left on her. No part of her had been left untouched it seemed and she shuddered at the memory of his clawed fingers, how they had sliced so easily into her skin.  
She backed against the wall in defeat and heard a clattering sound as her skirt hit the bricks. She reached down, turned her skirt around and saw that despite him ripping at the garment her pocket was still intact and within were her pitiful supplies. She unzipped the pocket and pulled out her mobile, it still worked, _Thank you God!_ But even as she slid it open she knew that the signal would be no better. The brightness of the screen was blinding after her time in darkness.  
“Please work,” she whispered as she hit the buttons, “Please don’t fail me. Just a 999 call, that’s all I ask” but luck was not on her side. She checked the time on the screen, “Are you kidding me? 10am? Fuck it!” She could barely contain her anger, “If I die here, I’m so gonna haunt Kelly forever! Okay, gotta think, how do I get out of this?”  
There had to be a way out, but she’d need to think of it quickly, the simple fact that the ghastly thing, whatever or whoever it was had had the foresight to chain her up could only mean one thing: that he was intending to come back.  
Alyx looked at the cuffs on her wrists and the chain that linked them together.  
_Would it be quicker to chew through the chain or my arms?  
_“Oh God, no! C’mon Alyx, we’re not that bloody desperate yet!” She yelled at her thoughts, not caring that she was talking to herself. She put her hand in her pocket and pulled out a cigarette from her tin. Her lighter like the phone before was dazzling in its brightness and she had to shield her eyes which made lighting the fag difficult but not impossible. As she inhaled the smoke the first real memories came back to her, how his cold hands had felt against her, inside her, the look of him with his greyish skin, tiny cuts on his face and chapped lips, that long wild hair and the cage that enclosed his head with his vicious looking teeth, “What the fuck was that thing?” She asked as she took another violent drag and blew it out quickly and then crossed her arms over her mutilated breasts in a protective manner. It was cold in the cellar, but she did it to stop herself from looking at the damage, even gingerly touching the flesh was painful, every inch of her body stung and she was sure she was still bleeding, “Christ Almighty, it had claws!” She had her suspicions but they couldn’t be true, _Ghosts don’t do that, they CAN’T!_ “Ghosts don’t... rape...” she whispered as she exhaled smoke through her nose, “It’s a guy, simple as that, just a guy... a messed up, sick fuck who parades about in a head cage and probably even thinks that he’s the _actual _ghost. But that’s beside the point; it’s just a guy... Don’t give the sick fucker the satisfaction of being scared of him. It’s just... a guy.”

Moments dragged by and Alyx paced back and forth across the room as far as the chain would allow her to go, occasionally giving it a yank, one time falling flat on her arse. Ideas for escape were not coming fast, not even screaming for help would work, the old asylum was way off the beaten track, no one ever came within a hundred feet of this place. So every now and then her mind voiced the original scheme.  
_There’s always the option to chew through your arms..._  
She felt along the walls to judge the size of the room. It was damp, it smelt of something vile she didn’t even want to think about. She fingered the shackles which were now beginning to rub painfully against her wrists, she removed her tongue stud in the hope of picking the lock with the bar but to no avail, in defeat she screwed it back into place.  
As was usual for her in these circumstances, she began the routine sarcasm, making light of the situation, just in case the psycho was listening she would joke about it, bring his ego down a bit, “It’s a good thing I wasn’t a virgin otherwise this might’ve been a traumatic experience. Yeah, besides which I’ve had _women_ with more balls than that guy!” Neither comment was a lie and Alyx found herself smirking at her own wit, or was she just more scared than she dared let on?  
Alyx kicked the ground as she paced. Her eyes shifted in the darkness, trying to look out for her attacker. Maybe Kelly would come back early -not likely- and if she did then she would scream to high Heaven.  
Another frustrated kick to the ground, her foot hit something heavy that shot across the room and hit the wall. She followed the sound, knelt down and blindly searched the floor, maybe it was a brick of some sort, maybe she could break the chain. Her hands grasped a cylinder of cold metal. Her torch.  
“Oh, thank you God!” she said as she felt for the switch, the little voice in her head voicing it’s opinion again, _Wait, if he’s moved you and tied you up... Why did he leave you the torch?_ “Shut up brain!” the beam shot to life, right into her face so she turned it off again, “Oh Jesus! That’s bright!” spots of green orbs danced in front of her eyes for a moment.  
She waited for her eyesight to return before she dared turn on the light again.  
She turned and screamed as the torchlight settled on the Jackal’s caged face. Alyx fell to the floor but gripped the torch with all the strength she had and pushed herself to the wall with her feet.  
Her attacker barely moved, he looked down at the tiny creature before him as if studying an interesting specimen.  
“Okay mate,” Alyx said trying to sound tough, “I really think you should let me go before I kick your arse!” He uttered no sound, “I mean it! I can kick you bloody hard with these and don’t think I won’t do it.” She shone the light on her enormous New Rocks.  
With a trembling hand she rose the torch back up so the beam rested on his face. It did not seem to bother him; his eyes not even dilating. _That’s not right… No need to be scared, it’s just a guy,_ she assured herself again, she’d fought off perverts before… Just none who’d worn head cages.  
“Just let me go man and I won’t say anything,” fear broke her voice and she gulped, “I swear I won’t tell the police or anyone.”  
There was something very odd about this guy besides the weird dress sense. She noticed how his hair seemed to move as if caught in a light breeze, but there was no breeze down here; his cold, dead, grey eyes with no dilation of the pupils; the way he stood silently watching her, biding his time… No, it wasn’t silent. She hadn’t noticed before but now it was there and seemed to make her whole head tingle; a cacophony of voices…  
The chorus was deafening, many voices but only one really. Disjointed sentences echoing, reverberating, some whispered, some screamed, some laughed hysterically, all of them spoken much too quickly, it was the way Alyx had always imagined the mind of a madman would sound.

_Such a pretty face…_  
_Blood, flesh!_  
_No, mustn’t touch, that’s what mother said._  
_Fuck, bitch, can’t tell me what to do…_  
_Shut up! Silence, silence is golden_  
_Rose Red, Snow White_  
_Vaginal skin to taste and masturbate within_  
_Fuck you!  
_ _Left in the dark…_

The mix of voices or _the_ voice, whatever it was, it was unmissable now, it was piercing, shrieking and it caused Alyx to cover her ears as her brain seemed to be scratched from within at the very way the sounds were mixing.  
“Stop it! Stop it!” As quickly as she’d noticed the sound everything fell silent. She looked up at her captor and gently removed her hands from her ears. He had not moved, but his fingers twitched reflexively every now and then, those clawed digits that she remembered oh so well.  
“Oh yeah, very clever man. What, you got some kind of sound system installed down here or something? You sick bastard, what the Hell is your problem?”  
Silence, barely a movement save for the occasional flick of his fingers.  
“What’s wrong with you? Why won’t you speak?!” She screamed at him.  
A shrill laugh came from him, the kind of laugh that sounds like a hyena; he lunged at her, arms extended.  
Alyx did the only thing she could, she dropped the torch and grabbed him by his oncoming wrists, and even she was surprised at just how quickly her reactions had acted.  
A look of determined anger very quickly turned into one of shock on both their faces. Her eyes dropped to his wrists which were deathly cold, she held fast and now began to grip her fingers around them even tighter... There was no pulse.  
His eyes fell to her hands, astounded by the realisation that she could actually touch him. How bizarre... No one had been able to actually _touch_ him, not even the bastards who’d trapped him, or the pretty girl in the glass house.  
No pulse? That’s not possible. Why was she still holding him? “Oh no... No please,” her hands relaxed.  
_She can touch me... The bitch can touch me... _This could not have given him more pleasure; this young girl had the potential be so much more than the other had been. She could fight back...  
A sickening feeling in her gut caused her to let go of him, but he grabbed her by her wrists this time. The crazed smile returned.  
“Oh God, please no. Please!”  
He laughed, but his lips did not move and then as if to prove a point he dematerialised for a split second before her, appearing again with his hands still clasped tightly around her wrists but his posture changed dramatically.  
It was at this point that Alyx fainted...


	5. Blue Eyes I Recognise

** Chapter 4 **

He watched her as she slept, thinking his dark thoughts as he pleasured himself, waiting for her to awaken so he could do all the  
wonderful things he’d planned for her.  
_How long has it been?_  
_Too long!_  
She was a special one, very special indeed... She could touch him, but there was more... She was alive... Usually his women didn’t last long with him, at best one had stayed alive until the third time and even she had died while he’d taken her. She had been fun; she had screamed endlessly for him. One of the few he had not had to ‘silence’... but that had been during his lifetime. This was different though.  
_So long... so long..._  
He wanted her now, damn her for fainting. He wanted her, needed to have her, oh God, just to know how it would feel to have her try pushing him away.  
Alyx moaned, was she waking finally? _Wake up you little cunt!_  
She coughed but did not wake up. _Fuck it!_ He’d waited for quite long enough in his opinion. He rolled her over onto her back and stood over her. It suddenly dawned on him that he hadn’t even thought to give her an ‘examination’ before, she wouldn’t mind if he played ‘doctor’ with her while she slept.  
He knelt over her with his legs astride her waist and took her limp head in his hands. He began checking her, lifting her eyelids, _Ah, blue eyes, my favourite,_ his attention suddenly turned to her lips and he finally took in the silver labret hoop in centre of her bottom lip, this was interesting, he fingered the hoop and the ball bearing. He’d never seen the like before, women only had their ears pierced if he remembered correctly, why one would feel a need to pierce one’s lip he couldn’t fathom, but it did not take anything away from her attractiveness, especially with those blood red lips, and as was the way his mind worked he began to wonder how having such a mouth accessory would feel if she were to be so obliging... He smiled wickedly at the thought.  
Her hair was soft where it wasn’t matted in blood, his fingers slid almost effortlessly through it.  
Her skin was warm, and he could see the rise of fall of her chest as she breathed, and also the steady beat of her heart behind its precious bone protector, he placed his hand onto her chest, cupping her left breast and felt her heart pound through the flesh into him, _She’s scared_, even in sleep the organ beat furiously, but that could only be a good thing; it meant her heart was strong, that she would have the strength to keep going. He leant closer and licked her nipple, which responded to the stimulation, _Even while they sleep, they’re still just little whores, still just want fucking._  
He travelled further down, past her stomach bearing the claw marks where he’d held her before. The blood had dried and was caked to her skin; when she awoke the lacerations would open again, and if they didn’t he would assist in this matter; he liked it when they bled.  
At last, he reached her hips and his icy fingers slid up her legs and pushed her tiny skirt up, _Always save the best till last,_ he thought to himself.  
But before he could indulge himself in his curiosities, Alyx shifted. She moaned and coughed, spitting out the blood that had accumulated in her mouth when she’d hit the floor. She had felt cold, like the hand of death had been gracing her skin as she’d slept.  
She opened her eyes to the pitch blackness of the cellar, her senses coming to life again, the smell of the damp, the scuttling sounds of little creatures in the distance, the taste of blood in her mouth, the feeling of those ghostly hands in places they shouldn’t be.  
“Oh God-Fucking-Dammit!” She screamed as it struck her again that this was not a dream. She began kicking her legs out as hard as she could, but an icy grip grabbed her by the back of the knees and forced her legs down onto her stomach and chest. The Jackal held her there as she struggled, and watched as she finally looked him in the eyes, “What the Hell do you want me with? I’m no one, I’m nothing, what do you want?” she pleaded. Her words were laughable to him, how could she think like that when it was obvious why he’d want her, “I didn’t even know I believed in ghosts till now...” His head tilted as he listened to her. Right now she felt so desperate that anything was worth a try, “Seriously, what do you want? Maybe I can help you...” It seemed like a good idea, she’d often heard stories of restless spirits who needed help passing over to the next plane of existence, perhaps the same could be said of this poor tortured soul.  
_Help me?_ He thought, _I don’t need help, not when I have everything I need right here_. Alyx didn’t hear him this time, but she did see how his eyes lit up. He placed her legs over his shoulders; his hand slid down and began touching her. Alyx clenched her eyes shut and started trying to throw her legs from her.  
_What’s wrong sweetheart, don’t you like it_? He kept his thoughts silent from her  
“Fuck off!”  
_Because your body seems to be telling me otherwise_, his clawed fingers slid inside her and she bucked in protest.  
“You bastard!”  
_That’s right, fight me... scream for me you little bitch..._ Alyx bit her lip, telling herself not to respond, freaks like this just enjoy it.  
Her lack of response infuriated him, how dare she not scream for him. He did the only thing he could think of, he bent his fingers inside her and clawed her internal walls.  
She did scream, his claws cut into the tender flesh much too easily. _That’s better, much better._ He let her go momentarily so she could push her legs away from him, but when she was free he grabbed her legs again, spreading them this time and dragging her back so they encircled his waist.  
Alyx brought her arms down to her chest protectively as he leant down over her and she began pushing him away as she felt him against her again. This only excited him more, but Alyx would never see how her actions provoked such a response from him. For the first time in a long time, Alyx was scared of someone. She had overcome fear, she could fight people, anyone who caused her fear could be stopped one way or another she’d realised from a young age, but this guy... A ghost... A ghost who could rape... She was scared of that; because she knew of no way to fight such a being.  
She was warm and tight, but she fought him with a vengeance and that was the most important part of it, she was indeed going to be a lot of fun if she kept this up.


	6. True Colours

Alyx was not sure how much time had passed since she’d blacked out, but that was not the issue, her mouth tasted of copper and she wondered how badly he had hit her this time. She tried to swallow her saliva but was stopped by a pain within her mouth. She opened her eyes and reached her hands to her face, she felt the cold metal contraption, she felt the leather straps around her head, and she could now feel the sharp edge of metal inside her mouth, pressing down on her tongue. She tried to scream but the sound was muffled, if she tried to make any noise her tongue would graze the rusty metal making her stop. She clawed at it, it must have a release catch somewhere but without being able to see what she was doing it was hopeless and her wrists were still shackled. She felt the metal parts of this thing again, what the Hell was it? She traced her fingers over it as she came to the part that entered her mouth, in her mind she visualised the mechanics of it, what it must look like… A Scold’s Bridle… _He’s put me in a Scold’s Bridle?_ She screamed again, not caring how the device cut into her tongue, she desperately tried to remove it, pulling her hair away to reach the clasps that must be holding it in place… _How do I get it off? _She was panicking now, what was the bastard intending to do to her with his.  
Suddenly he was there, right in front of her. She tried desperately to back away from him, small cries came from her as she tried to beg him to leave her alone. Instead he walked to her, crouched beside her and placed a hand over her mouth to completely silence her.  
It was then that she heard the voices.  
“Jesus Christ, Kelly, what the Hell were you thinking? You just left her down here with nothing?”  
“She’s a big girl she can take care of herself,”  
Alyx’s eyes grew wide in acknowledgement, it was Darren and Kelly, they had come back. She tried to call their names but the bridle wouldn’t allow it, she could only produce frantic moans, but they were talking so loudly between them that they couldn’t possibly hear her.  
The Jackal rose to his feet and walked closer to the intruders as they descended the stairs. Who were these people? What were they doing here? He looked back at his little whore who squirmed on the ground trying to stand up; were they here to take her away from him? No, he would not allow that, she was _his_ little slut, no one else’s.  
“Alyx?” Kelly shouted into the darkness, “Oh my God, Darren the gate!”  
“What?”  
“The gate, I locked it, it’s open!”  
“So she must’ve gotten out,”  
Alyx watched helplessly, she could see the beams of light from their torches, and their shadows. She looked at the Jackal with teary eyes and noticed that he was smiling that sick smile at her, he placed his finger to his lips and shushed her. Alyx’s eyes flitted between the ghost and the silhouettes of her friends in dismay.  
_No, no, no! _She yelled in her mind but her mouth only managed to produce a few muffled cries as her attacker dematerialised before her.  
“Darren look!” Kelly’s voice echoed, her torch light shining on a familiar looking item, she ran to it and picked it up, Darren recognised the pink and black design almost instantly and he knew for a fact that Alyx would not leave her Hello Kitty bag behind for anything.  
“What the Hell did you do, Kelly?”  
“I swear Darren, she was here. I just locked her in”  
“Alyx! Alyx, mate? Where are you?” He shouted frantically.  
_For God’s sake! Shut up and listen! I’m here can’t you hear me? I’m just here!  
_“Darren, let’s bail,” Kelly whispered, panic striking her vocal chords for once in her life.  
“What? No, we’re not leaving without Alyx!” He was outraged, how could she possibly think like that, this was her friend she had left here and now she might be hurt or unconscious somewhere, who knew what had happened.  
Alyx heard the Jackal’s laughter and she froze in fear. Darren and Kelly spun round to where the voice had come from but there was nothing.  
“Darren, please let’s just go I’m sure she’s fine…” Kelly stopped as she noticed the torn black fabric on the ground, she kicked it revealing the Cradle of Filth image on the front, ripped to shreds and covered in blood, “Fuck this, let’s go!”  
“No, we’ve got to find her!”  
Alyx could not see her friends but she heard the cries and the laughter that came from the room she used to be in.  
Darren could not see the ghost that stalked him which was perfect, he had every advantage. He hit Darren across the face and he fell to the ground. Kelly screamed, turning this way and that, looking for what had attacked them, she wanted to cry out but before she could she herself was thrown against the wall.  
The Jackal proceeded to lacerate her with his claws, she could see him. She tried to struggle away from the monstrosity but he grabbed her blonde hair and made her look at him, she was another pretty one… Kelly threw her arms out at him, swiping wildly, hitting nothing and even if she had it would’ve been pathetic.  
“What is it?” Darren cried at last having gotten his bearings back.  
“Help me!” Kelly cried, “He’s got me!”  
Darren watched flabbergasted as Kelly was lifted from the floor by a force he could not see and then as the wounds seemed to magically appear on her skin. He grabbed her arm and tried to pull her away from the wall. The Jackal let her go, he could hear the sounds of the chain in the other room, his little whore must be getting lonely and he remembered that the little one with the dark hair had put up a much better fight.  
“Run, for fuck’s sake!”  
“What about Alyx?”  
“Fuck Alyx, just run!”  
She heard this from where she was, as she tried with all her strength to break free of the chain that held her to the wall, unable to call for them as the bridle dug into her tongue.  
“No, I’m staying. I’ve got to find her,” Darren cried.  
“Then to Hell with you!” Kelly shouted in panicky response as she ascended the stone staircase, not looking back once.  
Darren turned around, he hadn’t been able to see what had attacked Kelly and him but surely he must’ve just been weary from the blow to the head he’d received.  
In the distance he could hear the jangle of a large chain being pulled and for the first time he heard high pitched squeals. He quickly turned in the direction of the noises and made his way towards them. He held the torch at arms length, ready to lash out and strike with it as a weapon. He turned the corner and shone the light into the room which fell upon Alyx’s writhing, naked and bloodied form.  
“Holy shit!” He whispered.  
Alyx squealed in delight at seeing her friend again, asking him to help her through muffled screams.  
Darren came to her, reached for the chains and then saw the scolds bridle on her face for the first time. “Alyx, what the fuck happened?” He asked as he tried to remove the device from her head, looking for a clasp or anything.  
The relief that flowed through Alyx was intense and she could’ve kissed Darren if she’d been able to, but the relief didn’t last. She looked over his shoulder and saw the unmistakable flicker of light and shape that was her abuser. She screamed, pushing her arms out trying to point at the thing as it advanced on her friend.  
Darren turned around shining the torch light in the direction she pointed, but to him there was nothing, “What is it?” he asked, the fear in his voice evident.  
The Jackal had been watching for a moment as the young boy handled his slut. He was touching her, feeling her..._ She’s mine, boy!_ He growled, like an animal threatened by another stealing its meal, and what was this? Was she smiling at him? _Little whore!  
_“Alyx, I can’t see anything? What is it?”  
Alyx was trembling, screaming, nearly convulsing at the sight of the Jackal with his snarling lips and look of extreme hatred in his eyes.  
_He’s right there Darren, he’s coming, can’t you see him?_ She tried to tell him, but the words were only fragments of what they should be.  
The Jackal grabbed the boy by his throat, crushing his larynx with little effort. He lifted Darren off the floor who struggled against a demon he could not see and was brought crashing into the hard brickwork with a thud hard enough to crack his ribs.  
Alyx watched helplessly as the wraith began tearing at her friend who had come back to save her, screaming his name as she tried to force her arms free of the shackles.  
He would make this boy pay for touching his property. He would make him regret his decision to touch her. Again the ghoul crawled violently at the boy’s body with his bone white claws which quickly became smeared in blood.  
There was nothing she could do.  
Darren cried out in agony as his flesh was torn from his body, as his blood seeped down the wall. Alyx’s horrified yelps echoed his as she watched her friend get torn to pieces.  
Flesh and blood was thrown in all directions as the ghost finally pinned his prey to the wall and lashed at him with his teeth.  
Darren still could not see the thing that was causing his torture, he could only feel the pain as those teeth dug into his collar bone and tore the bone and muscle away in a swift movement that caused Darren’s blood to fly through the air and splatter upon Alyx’s face. It was like watching an animal.  
_How can he not see it?_ Alyx wondered as she hysterically tugged at her restraints, trying desperately to reach her friend, to save him.  
The wraith noticed her movements, she was getting restless, she obviously required his attentions again.  
The final movements were quick and without pity as the spectre forced his clawed hand into Darren’s chest, breaking the ribs as he sought his prize. He knew exactly what he was looking for and where to find it; the human body was reliable like that, good and predictable. He snared the boy’s frantically beating heart with cold, dead fingers and wrenched the organs from its host’s chest.  
Darren’s eyes glazed over and his screaming ceased, leaving only Alyx’s petrified cries and the haunting laughter of the attacker. His body slumped limply down the wall and sprawled lifelessly on the floor. His dying eyes fixed on Alyx who now fell silent herself, the look in his glazed pupils said sorry.  
Alyx fell to her knees in horror at the scene before her.  
Darren, who she’d known for three years, who had looked out for her, who had never touched a cigarette or an illicit substance in his life, who had done well in school, who had been liked by everyone... Who had stayed and come back for Alyx... Kelly had run to save herself, and Darren had paid with his life to find Alyx...  
Now everything went silent. Suddenly there were no sounds at all, only her own fevered breathing and the beating of her heart. She was alone, again… And this time she knew that no one would come back for her.  
A feeling of complete hopelessness came over her as the tears she swore would not come again escaped her eyes. Her mouth now overflowed with the taste of blood from when she had tried to call out. She could hear her oppressor approach as he flashed in and out of reality and she looked up to meet him, to look him in his dead grey eyes, she wanted to ask him why he was doing this but her words were obstructed. Through the tears and the pain she asked him, “Why, Ryan?”  
This was a strange turn of events indeed, she knew his name and he wondered how she happened to come across that knowledge. No one had said his name in longer than he could remember; what a pleasant surprise. He looked down at her helpless, naked, kneeling body before him, like an obedient dog waiting to serve its master. He could feel himself getting aroused by her again, even with the scold’s bridle she was attractive, and now every sound that she made sounded like she was on the edge of orgasm. Her screams were delicious, but he wanted to hear her make other sounds now. He knew better than to think she would be anymore willing than she had been previously, but she was bound with no chance of release.  
As he considered what he would do to her next, Alyx simply stared at him, perhaps she had reached him on some level, perhaps by saying his name she had humanised him slightly. Those thoughts were cast away however as Ryan pushed her to the floor and then as he phased between the worlds he knelt down, grabbed her legs and pulled her to reach his hips. She tried to get away, refusing to give up the fight, she tried to kick him but he only smiled down at her as his icy hands slid up her thighs and under her skirt. She began grasping at the chain that held her and dragged herself away from his touch.  
Ryan pulled her back with force, making her hips rub against his arousal. He took a quick breath through clenched teeth as he felt her warmth next to him, her struggling was only making him feel more stimulated, it almost felt like she wanted it, and the lovely orgasmic noises she was making... He couldn’t contain himself further, he let her struggle away once more as he released himself, then he grabbed her again and impaled her upon him.  
Alyx’s eyes clenched shut and her tears began spilling from her eyes, she screamed in the agony of his thrusts and also in the knowledge that he had beaten her again. She couldn’t even bring her arms to her chest to cover herself for Ryan had made this latest attack at the limit of her chain, all she could do was move her body in protest. Her cries turned into sexual moans in his ears as he took her.  
Oh yes, she was divine and judging by her attempts to get away she would survive him for a while yet, this was his third time with her and the fighter was still there. Oh yes, she would do good for a while.  
Alyx’s wrists had begun bleeding now from the strain of her bindings but still she could only think to get away, even as her hands made the chain slippery with blood. She refused to stop fighting, not realising that this is what he wanted her for.  
Ryan relished in the sounds she made, who would’ve thought a scold’s bridle would be so useful to him.  
He breathed heavily, his claws digging into the already open wounds on her thighs to make her moan in ‘ecstasy’ for him more than she already was.  
All the while, Alyx kept repeating one sentence in her head, _My name is Alyx, and I’m still alive..._


	7. You Won't Beat Me

Despite her attempts to stay awake, tiredness took hold of Alyx until her eyelids could no longer stand the heavy weight of sleep upon them.  
“No, gotta stay awake, someone might come…” she said with effort. She shook her head in the hope of relieving the fatigue that swamped her but it did not help, her eyelids began closing and she yawned as her body slid down the wall to the cold ground, her aching limbs and open wounds now feeling numb against the her sleepiness, “Maybe… Just five minutes” she promised herself, thinking how it was impossible for her to stay awake forever anyway, lack of sleep could cause a lot of disturbances in the mind; she knew that.  
Her sleep was not empty: many dreams entered her mind through the darkness and she sucked her thumb in her troubled slumber, as she had done as a child when she’d heard her parents argue.   
Gradually though as her mind drifted deeper and deeper, the dreams began to change. Alyx felt nice, warm and comfortable, away from the pain her body was in. Her dream made her feel warm and tingly and then before her in her dream was a tall, dark stranger, and even though it was clichéd she knew she was smiling in her sleep.  
She could not see his face but she felt his kisses on her cheek, his hands as they touched her in places she liked, he massaged her breasts, kissed her shoulder, he slid his hand over her more intimate areas as his lips moved down her body, he licked her breasts, bit them softly. Or was it harder than she’d expected? It didn’t matter, he was moving down again to where his hand was pleasuring her… Something cold touched her hip, something wasn’t right… She could feel him, she could feel his tongue moving over her, inside her, circling her most sensitive parts… _No, something’s not right, it’s too real_… It felt too nice though, she didn’t want it to stop, didn’t want to open her eyes as he held her hips tightly, she felt warmth, burning, spreading from her groin, she felt her hips rising, she felt his fingers digging into her flesh…_ No, not fingers… Nails…_ The sensation of cold metal pushed against her lower body. Alyx bit her lip in the dream and in reality, she began to reach down and felt the dark matted hair of her lover, she gasped as he bit her now, hard, but still the heat in her body rose, she reached further and gripped the rusty metal, gasping, screaming in pleasure as her orgasm tore through her as she woke and looked down in astonishment.  
Her fingers were entangled in a mess of long, black hair and cold steel above her groin.  
“Fucking Hell!” Alyx screamed out before she let out a bloodcurdling cry, she pushed herself back with her legs as she kicked him off her, a successfully aimed kick brought her boot crashing upon Ryan’s cage, hardly damaging but the best she could do in the circumstances.  
Ryan looked up at her, he was smiling despite the blow to his head from her impressive boots, he licked his lips slowly as if savouring a pleasant taste.  
She continued to squirm away from him, from his teeth which had bitten her, from his tongue that had pleasured her… _Oh God… He knows…  
_She felt sick, vile and dirty, never before had she felt so… _dirty_… and she would’ve vomited if she’d not had an empty stomach, “Fuck you, you pervert!” Was all she could think to yell at him but Ryan only laughed at her; she had betrayed herself to him, shown him that despite the agony and torture he put her through, she was still just a little slut and she _wanted_ him.  
She had tasted delicious and he licked his fingers for she still lingered upon them. He liked this, he knew what he’d done to her, he’d pleasured her to a point of no return and this gave him a sense of pride. Then he realised what this must mean… _It must mean that she wants me.  
__Yes, it could only be that…  
__And her reasons for fighting?  
__She knows I like that…_  
Her screams are so real, her struggle so desperate but inside that scared little girl is a woman who craves for him.  
Ryan was already aroused from playing with his little girl, but this new realisation excites him further. Ryan advances. Alyx retreats, but Ryan smiles at his little whore as he grabs her legs. This time she will feel welcoming around him, she will receive him easily… What a nice little whore he’s found, a little slut who he believes loves him and yearns to have the feeling of him inside of her.

She dared not sleep after what he’d done, dared not close her eyes in case he did it to her again. He could fuck her all he wanted but she was damned if she was going to let him pleasure her again. In many ways the fact that he had done that to her seemed like the biggest violation of all. It wasn’t even like he was gentle, loving or delicate. For Christ’s sake he’d bitten her there and still she’d been turned on enough to hold his face in her groin as she came.  
She was not a virgin but she’d never reached orgasm with any of her lovers be they male or female before and now this would be the memory of her first, given to her by a perverted ghost who wore a cage on his head to stop him from biting people.  
So she sat in the corner in a foetal position, her arms wrapped around her legs. She kept telling herself not to cry. Don’t cry and don’t sleep... That’s a choice she knew would be right.  
She began thinking about her life and the choices she’d made. It had been her decision to leave home, away from the past, to new horizons. It had been her decision to go to college. It had been her decision to share her flat with fellow students. She had chosen Kelly as a roommate, she’d seemed pretty cool at first but that soon wore off. It had been her decision... to follow Kelly here, to enter the building, to go back for Kelly’s bag... Curiosity had led her here and bad decisions. There would be no more bad decisions.  
With unsteady hands and blurry eyesight she made herself a joint, in the hope that it would calm her nerves. Her hands shook so much, she was cold, bloodied and now she was starting to feel particularly hungry. The thirst had gotten to her already and the taste of blood was stale in her, so she had done the only thing she could, she had drunk from a puddle under a leaking pipe; it didn’t matter what kind of pipe it was or where the water had come from, to Alyx right now, it tasted nectar sweet.  
She rocked back and forth now, inhaling and exhaling the smoke; it wasn’t fair, she hadn’t wanted to come here... but then again, everything happens for a reason she supposed, God has a plan for us all. This couldn’t be the end; those lustful, dead eyes could not possibly be the last thing she’d ever see.  
She reached for her pocket and pulled out her phone. It was 6’o’clock, twenty hours so far... and still no signal... She trawled through the contacts list, looking at the names of the people she knew. So many memories, so many people she’d hoped she would be able to say goodbye to when the end came. Darren’s name appeared on the screen and Alyx’s hand trembled as she quickly skipped to the next entry.  
All too soon a familiar name flashed up. Alyx stared in silence at the three letters for what could’ve been several minutes.  
Could she bring herself to do it? Even if she had the chance?  
Their relationship had been a turbulent one even at the best of times, and since Alyx had left college a year ago they had only spoken to each other once and that was on this person’s birthday… _They_ had either not remembered or not cared to return the favour to Alyx only a month ago.  
She inhaled deeply on the joint before taking the next step, she pushed the button for options and scrolled down to delete, her thumb only hesitated for a moment before she confirmed the decision. Despite the pain it caused her to smile she still managed it as the entry was lost.  
“You don’t deserve anything, not even my goodbyes,” she said out loud to no one.  
So engrossed was she in this moment of closure that she did not notice that she was not alone in the room.  
Ryan had watched her from a safe distance for about an hour now, edging closer only when he felt sure that she wouldn’t notice, he chewed the cold skin on his fingers out of habit and he wondered what the strange contraption was that she held. It produced a square of light that illuminated the girl’s face. Another cautious step closer brought him within an arms length of her. He stayed there, kneeling on his haunches, gnawing at the dull skin left on his fingers; if he’d still been alive they would’ve bled by now.  
Ryan was well aware of his predicament; despite the insanity he still retained a lot of his former self, his intellect, his cunning among other things, so he was not unknowing of his demise. He’d found that being a ghost had its advantages; he could disappear into nothing if he so desired, just as he’d wished he could do in life when his obsessions and madness had driven him to his darkest moments.  
He was not scared of the young woman before him, but he was wary. He preferred being in control for when he wasn’t it felt too much like being locked in that horrid, cramped cell again, bound up in his jacket, having the straps tightened when he ‘acted up’… His fear of people had not left him in death, but he had more confidence now that he had no physical form to be restrained, and this little girl even with her strange ability to touch him was not strong enough to stop him.  
He peered over her shoulder and watched as her fingers seemed to manipulate the strange device she held, he saw her trawl through the list of names, she certainly knew a lot of people he assumed, then she stopped. He knew what she had done when she confirmed her deletion and he smiled as Alyx erased the name ‘MUM’ from her phone.  
_So, my pretty new toy has mummy issues, _he deduced from what she said afterwards. He wondered what exactly these issues were. He had noticed the scarred flesh on her arms, most on them tiny white lines appearing on her right arm from the shoulder to the wrist. Ryan had seen self harming in the past, he himself had even succumbed to the desire to tear his skin away. He could tell her scars were the result of self inflicted injury by the angles and how the majority adorned only one arm, telling him that she was left handed. _Were they the result of your mother? _He purred softly as he took hold of a strand of her long black hair and began twirling it around his fingers; it was good to know that she had something in common with him, even if it was just having a bitch mother.  
Women were a menace with their sly ways, mothers especially so he had theorised, even this little one with her cries for help and endless struggling, she was sly too for he knew that deep down she wanted him and enjoyed the rough treatment he gave her.  
He teased the hair away from her neck without her noticing, _Don’t worry sweetheart, I can make all the pain go away..._ he quickly leaned forward to lick her throat before he disappeared from view.  
Alyx spun round and grasped her neck, gasping as she’d felt a tongue against it. Looking into the darkness though confused her for there was no one there.  
“Oh God, please don’t tell me I’m losing my mind, that’s the last thing I need,” She was sure that no one was there but she had definitely felt something. Slowly she moved her hand from her neck, noticing how her fingers slid effortlessly off the skin. She shone the light from her mobile onto them and they glistened in saliva.  
She panicked and rubbed her hand on her skirt then rubbed her neck furiously trying to rid her skin of his touch.  
“Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you,” she whispered over and over again into the darkness.  
_There’s got to be a way out of here,_ she thought, _I won’t die in this place!  
_“You won’t beat me!” She yelled at him although she couldn’t see him, “Do you hear me, Ryan? You won’t beat me!”


	8. Stay With Me

She heard him approach; the low mumblings he uttered to himself were unmistakable. Alyx tensed herself somewhat and held the hem of her tattered skirt tightly. Funny how even in pitch darkness the eyes adjust enough to see. When Ryan came into view she looked at him with disdain as she spotted the cunning lust he spied her with.  
A dry mouth did not stop her from attempting to spit at him, “What the Hell do you want _now_?” She expected his silence and the manic grin that followed, she did not expect him to raise his arm to reveal the object he held to her. She squinted in the darkness, “What in God’s name is… Oh Christ! No way!”  
Ryan chuckled at her response, _She likes it, she just doesn’t know it yet._ He began making his way to her, unclasping the heavy collar with trailing chain lead.  
“Oh no!” She yelled, she almost laughed at the absurdity as she backed herself against the wall, “No! You can fuck right off!”  
He reached to grab her hair and threw her head back against the brickwork before she could stop him. She reeled in dizziness for a moment, not fully realising how quickly he placed the collar around her neck and tightened it causing her to choke. She didn’t even notice him removing the shackles from her wrists.  
_Oh, what lovely sounds she makes,_ he thought as he knelt down and licked her cheek, nipping the skin and taking hold of the chain. He took a good look at his little play thing as he circled her. _On her knees, like a good girl, perhaps she would like to use her mouth for something other than screaming?_ His eyes glinted and his head tilted to the side as a scenario quickly passed through his mind.  
Whatever he had in mind, Alyx hoped it would be over quickly, the strength was gone from her legs almost entirely now, she was tired and hungry but the thought of sleep and food was sickening at the same time.  
He grabbed the collar and lifted her up. Her legs buckled under the weight of herself though, _What the Hell?_ He tried again, but she barely had the energy to heave herself up, and the blood loss was making her dizzy, _You little bitch, get up!_ He hit her hard across the face.  
“Oh, just fuck off will you!” she spat at him when she turned back.  
Ryan hit her again, _How dare you speak to me like that!_ This time he hauled her up to her feet and held her there, choking her, she coughed and spluttered, pulling at the fabric of his strait jacket frantically as she gasped for air, _Oh no, not like this... Not suffocation, I can’t die by suffocation... _It was the equivalent of drowning on land.  
Ryan smiled as he watched her struggle, as he felt her hands brush against him, he kept her held up as her eyes stared at him in desperation, as she gasped and strained.  
_Oh, this is fun!_ He dropped her to the ground, allowing her the chance to breathe again. Ryan’s mind worked its magic, giving him an array of delightful images to choose between, _How can this be used to its full advantage?_ Was there something he could perhaps hang her from? No, she might die from asphyxiation in the process. No, there had to be a way of... _The offices, upstairs, they have desks... That would do...  
_He lifted her up again, but not so high this time, enough to make her kneel. He threw his head in the direction he intended to take her.  
“I’m not going anywhere with you, you sick fuck, I know the type of places you like and I’m not following you!”  
_How amusing she is,_ he thought as he simply began pulling on the chain and backing away. He proceeded to drag her towards him, at times even making her crawl just to make him give her breath as the collar choked her.  
At one point, her arms would not support her and she fell. Ryan was not pleased with this poor performance, especially when she should be so eager to fulfil his little desires.  
He grabbed her by the collar and lifted her to her feet again, bringing her right up close to his face. He placed his free hand to her mutilated breasts and dug his claws into her wounds, reopening them and making them bleed, _Learn some manners, will you!  
_He dropped her again and licked the blood from his fingers before he pulled the chain again.  
Alyx was left with no choice but to crawl wherever he intended to lead her.  
Ryan ascended the stairs, out of the basement, his image flickering still but his grasp on the chain did not fade unlike his insubstantial image.  
Alyx couldn’t bring herself to look, he kept dragging her upwards. When they reached the top of the staircase Ryan beckoned her to him with his finger, as if she was supposed to respond without question.  
_Out of the basement,_ Alyx thought, _I can make a run for it now._ It was crazy to think it, but she was out of there, perhaps she could get away from him somehow, he wouldn’t be expecting it.  
She tensed, bringing her legs up under her, ready to sprint at any moment.  
Ryan tensed, noticing how her eyes had lit up at being out of that room, what was she intending to do?  
_Now!!!_ She screamed internally, all the energy she had left descended to her legs and she ran, grabbing the chain and yanking it from Ryan.  
He released it and his eyes blazed in an angry playfulness, _Running are we? Ah, the thrill of the chase, she really _does_ love me!  
_He gave chase after her as she ran through the corridors, the chain trailed behind her, clattering on the hard, cold floor as she went.  
Ryan did not dematerialise for that would be cheating, the fun would be in catching her properly and then making her pay for running away.  
Alyx couldn’t remember what way she’d come from so she ran blindly as fast as her legs would possibly carry her. There was no time to read the signs in the halls; she could hear him chasing her, getting closer with every second. She rounded the corner, not expecting the dead end that she would hit with a full impact.  
As she fell to the floor, she heard him getting closer, she looked up and saw him as if he were on the ceiling running to her. He grabbed her quickly, pulling her up and against him, _Caught you,_ he giggled. Alyx didn’t want to cry but couldn’t help it, _Oh, don’t cry sweetheart, let’s find somewhere quiet..._ He carried her this time, for it would take too long to wait for her to crawl.

He placed her on the desk roughly. Her legs hung off the edge which was ideal for him, she was lying at just the right height for him to take her lying down while he could control her movements.  
Ryan took her by force, hardly even waiting for her to respond to his lecherous groping. This time he could be rougher considering the angle and the way he asphyxiated her.  
He choked her, but he did it effectively, keeping the pressure until she was on the edge of consciousness then letting go of the slack to allow her to breathe again. Every time he let go, she fought against him.  
_Yes, fight me!   
_“Please let me go,” she choked, “Please...”  
_No, little one, you’re mine. My little play thing... _He grabbed the chain and pulled her up, bringing her body upright against his. She pushed her arms between them and turned her head, she couldn’t bear to look at him anymore, _No sweetheart,_ he thought as he yanked the chain and now grabbed her dark hair which was thick with blood to force her head round, _I want to look at you._ He grunted heavily as he neared climax, her face only inches from his own, her lips no longer the dark red they had been but were full and trembling at the sensations, the only thing separating his lips from hers were the bars to his cage, but that would not stop him. He twisted the chain around his wrist, pulling her closer still, she noticed this and began shrieking at him, pushing against his chest with her bloodied arms, he smiled at her as his hand grabbed hold of her collar now, drawing her closer, she had no idea what he was intending to do but with his grip on her hair and on her throat she was unable to pull away, Ryan leaned forward, the cold metal of his cage pressing against Alyx’s skin, she tried to keep her lips closed firmly but a simple pull of the collar made her inhale for breath. Ryan kissed her then, viciously with malice on his tongue. Alyx cried now, it was no use to bite him, he would probably just enjoy it, she resisted still, despising the taste of his tongue in her mouth, God only knows what that taste was but when she pulled away he brought her back with more force, all the while he brought himself closer to fulfilment inside her warm body. As he came Alyx clenched her eyes shut trying not to think about what he was doing, this was the worst yet, not only was he raping her but he was kissing her as if they were lovers, had she’d eaten recently she would’ve vomited in his mouth in spite and in gut reaction.  
Ryan’s lips left hers, a thin line of saliva trailing between them, his breathing was heavy and despite having finished he continued to move slowly within her. A distinctive change in his behaviour, Alyx had not expected this.  
_Why is he staying? He _always_ leaves afterwards..._ She looked at him, feeling him still inside her, moving slowly.  
“Stay with me.” Ryan whispered.  
Alyx stared at him with wide eyes. He’d not spoken to her before, not a single understandable word until now and this is what he’d chosen to say.  
“What did you say?” She asked with a bewildered tone, her voice was croaky from lack of fluids and her screaming. Ryan did not answer her, and for a while Alyx questioned whether she had actually heard him speak at all with that harsh voice.  
His cold hands left her restraints which he had held without fail for so long and now he held the sides of her face, this was the first time she noticed how the claws he wielded, were not claws at all... it was bone, the very tips of the bones in his fingers, sharpened. He didn’t actually have finger nails at all. This time he brought her close to lick her lips, his tongue darting into her mouth teasingly. She tried to force her head away from him, tried to keep her lips closed but he persisted. It had been a long time since Ryan had kissed a woman, a living one, one that could kiss him back even and he relished in this moment while he had the chance. She battled and resisted still but that was good, it was challenging, and in a way it was still rape; with that in mind his hands gripped her hair and he bit down on her bottom lip. She cried in agony as his teeth tore into the flesh, filling her mouth with blood, he stopped as she screamed and closed his mouth over hers again. His tongue coiling around her own like a serpent. The blood in her mouth tasted so good, it was a shame to stop.  
When he finally let her go Alyx looked at him with a look of pure hatred for having been violated in this last possible way.  
But as she looked into his eyes she saw his expression, for a split second it was not what she expected to see, momentarily the malice had gone from his eyes and behind the grey orbs was something else. All too quickly though, that same manic grin returned to his lips as he looked back at her. She thought about those three words he had spoken to her… _Stay with me…_ They echoed in her mind. There was a person there, hidden beneath the crazed expression. Alyx now remembered the room she’d first encountered him in with the cage and torn strait jacket.  
The look on Alyx’s face now changed and this shocked Ryan. It reminded him of a look Doctor Heathen had given him on many occasions. He took hold of her collar again as he tried to decipher what was going through that pretty blood stained head of hers.  
The fight was finally beginning to ebb from her and Alyx knew that despite her best efforts she would not be able to keep resisting him every time and that if things continued like this she would surely die.  
Her breathing was heavy and laboured but she looked at him with dark ringed eyes, bloodshot from tears and lack of sleep.  
“I know you,” She whispered, “it _was_ you, you were the one they kept down there weren’t you?” Ryan gazed at her eyes which only looked bluer to him now with the red within them, he cocked his head to the right as he listened, “Your name is Ryan Kuhn,” he gripped her collar tighter, enjoying her saying his name, his eyes glinted at the sound of every syllable as they rolled off her perfect tongue, “There’s a man in there as well as a beast, I can see that in your eyes, Ryan” _Oh God, am I really saying these things? Surely this can’t work..._ He pulled her face closer to his and began licking her cheek but Alyx persisted, determined to reach the intelligence she’d just seen for that brief moment, “Who were you, Ryan?” She asked as she turned to face him and then she reached her aching hands up to his cage, gripped the rusty metal by the sides and forced him to look at her, the wounds on his face had not been more evident until now nor the rage behind his feral, crazed eyes, “My God,” she whispered as she fingered the soldering and moved his tangled hair where it was caught, “What the Hell did they do to you, Ryan?”  
No one had treated him like this, not ever. Not even his slut mother had spared him a simple moment of kindness. None of the women he had known had given him this tenderness, they had only wanted one thing and he had given it to them until they could take it no more. When he committed himself to this place he had expected some empathy for his ordeal but had instead received only barbarism from everyone... Except for Dr Heathen, _Fuck off, memories_... now here was a young girl, someone he had used and violated and _she_ was effectively caressing him, understanding him or at least trying to understand him.  
He shook his head and looked away, this didn’t make sense, his emotions were confusing and this angered him, she was just another whore, albeit one that he believed wanted him, but she was still just like the other sluts and undoubtedly had tricks and schemes just like the others. Even Doctor Heathen who Ryan had trusted had turned out to be...  
He grabbed Alyx’s throat and threw her to the ground, her head bouncing off the corner of the desk as she fell. The vision in her right eye went dark from the impact and blood poured freely from her temple. She managed to turn back to him, her face a wonderfully painted display of pearl white, ebony and ruby red but it was too much for her to recover, this time she fell back to the cold ground barely breathing.  
He had not intended to harm her as badly as that but it was her own fault for angering him. He circled the body for a while noticing the unsteady rise and fall of her chest.  
_So, she wishes to know what happened to me...?_ He thought as he knelt over her, taking her head in his hands and began lapping up the blood from her face, it did occur to him that he could take her again but where was the fun in fucking a comatose? _Very well, sweet thing. I’ll show you..._


	9. Behind Those Eyes

The world seemed to spin as Alyx opened her eyes. Pain enveloped her skull particularly on the right temple and she winced as she pushed herself up, a mix of blood and saliva dribbled from the corner of her mouth.“What the…?” She placed her hand to her face as the pain of daggers shot through her head, her hand was matted and the flesh sticky with blood, “It’s okay mate, you’re still alive,” she told herself as she looked at her crimson palm. She rose to her feet trying to ignore how her head thumped from the migraine as she moved.  
He had moved her again, “What the Hell is this, musical fucking chairs?” She yelled at nothing. Bad choice, her exertion made her unsteady. She fell upon a desk that she was not even aware of and a pile of paperwork slid off the wooden surface as she steadied herself. Luckily the gramophone that was also placed on the desk did not follow suit. Several pages flew delicately across the floor along with a yellow card folder that had held the pages together.  
_Damn,_ she thought with a deep sigh. Making a mess was the last thing she needed right now, her mouth hurt, right from the back of her larynx to her lips which were cracked and sore.  
She flexed her fingers several times to check for breakages but luckily for her she still had working opposable thumbs, so she picked up the pages. With the bulk in hand she pulled herself back up to her feet and shuffled the pages back into the folder, but something caught her eye.  
A small article, thicker than the other pages with a matt texture and a grainy black and white sepia tone, obviously a small photograph. Curiosity got the better of her, her eyes narrowed in concentration and then after a moment widened in shock.  
Once again she nearly lost her balance but held tightly to the edge of the desk.  
“No,” she whispered through dark cracked lips. Her attention now turned to the folder she held, to the name written in the corner.  
Again she looked at the photo, the similarities were there, but could it really be?  
Staring back at her from the photograph was the image of Ryan but his hair was neat or at least neater than she’d seen it, he was well dressed in an old fashioned shirt with a cravat unbuttoned at the top. One might even say he looked like a gentleman given the date it had been taken, “No way,” she said in that same whispered tone.  
Alyx placed the folder on the desk and opened it keeping Ryan’s photograph firmly between her fingers.  
The front page presented her with the introduction she’d never received from Ryan himself. It contained details such as name description and date of birth among other things.  
“Ryan Kuhn, born 1887… 1887? This place burnt down in… 1908 was it? Yeah, yeah I’m sure; so that would make him… Uh!” Alyx clenched her eyes and threw her fist on the desk, “C’mon girl, do the maths… Born 1887, died 1908 so that makes him?... Twenty one? Oh my God, he was twenty one?” She looked at the photo again; she might have guessed that to be the age of the young man in the image but the wraith who stalked her? She flicked through the pages glancing over the handwriting that was only just legible. Doctors hand writing; it can be hard enough to read at the best of times, but when combined with the age of the pages and Alyx’s aching head the scribbles were almost impossible to decipher. In a fit of frustration Alyx smacked her head with her palm and gripped her hair, “Focus Alyx!”  
She turned to a new page titled Admission Details and tried again to read the phrases.  
_Patient was self admitted to Borehamwood Asylum…  
_“Self admitted? You came here voluntarily?” Given what she already knew about these places this knowledge confounded her, “Why? What was so bad you felt the need to be locked away here?”  
…_on 13th March 1907…  
_“1907? But that would’ve made him… twenty?” Once more she looked at the photo, at the young man immortalised upon it. She turned the photo over and just as she’d suspected was the same handwriting.

_Profile photo: Ryan Kuhn  
_ _1907 on day of admission  
_

The photo had been verified it seemed by an unreadable signature.  
“But if he was twenty, then…” Finally it clicked in her mind and the very idea of what she realised was sickening, “Oh Jesus, he was only here for a year! What the Hell did they do to him?”  
She should’ve stopped there, but she didn’t. She continued through the notes, the same handwriting appearing on almost every page.  
_Patient was admitted voluntarily to the Asylum in the early hours of the morning under restraint.  
_“Listen mate, I might be nearly comatose but I’m pretty damn sure that the words ‘voluntary’ and ‘restraint’ should not be in the same sentence.”  
_Early indications reveal the patient to be of a misogynistic nature and very volatile.... The patient has confessed to the rape and murder of five women....  
__Because of his known misogyny and aggression towards the fairer sex, I have taken measures to ensure my protection.  
_“Wait? What? ‘Measures to ensure my own protection’? Well what the Hell does that mean when it’s at home?” A quick look over the initial details again revealed the name of his allocated psychiatrist, a Doctor S. Heathen, “So, Dr Heathen, am I to assume that you wrote his notes?”  
A cold chill suddenly shot up Alyx’s spine and she spun round expecting to see Ryan’s caged features. He was not there, but the coldness to the air still lingered, “You’re here, aren’t you?” Alyx asked, her eyes wide with fright. She could feel his eyes watching her. A quick movement from the corner of her eye made her jump.  
_I could run,_ she thought, _I could just make a break for it now... _But running now would be running from the answers that were being presented to her now. She had to know who this man was, she _had_ to know why he had turned into this beast.

The more she read the more the tone began to change within the text. After a while this Dr Heathen stopped referring to him simply as the ‘patient’ and began writing his name instead.  
Not only that, the language changed. The doctor kept making comments about his eyes and the gentlemanly manner with which Ryan seemed to conduct himself with and even called him charming.  
_Is it me or is this all starting to sound a little gay?_ The tone was certainly becoming more poetic in nature.  
_... Ryan has displayed no remorse for his actions and when shown photographic evidence of his crimes his reaction is one of pride. He feels justified in his actions. Please see audio evidence: 22nd August 1907.  
_“Audio? They had recorders back then?” Alyx looked up and spotted the gramophone, “Hmm... I suppose they did!” She turned and spied a set of filing cabinets, one of the drawers clearly marked Audio, “Oh, I get it!” She now began to circle the desk, talking to him despite not being able to see him, “This is Dr Heathen’s office isn’t it? Okay then I’ll play along. You want me to hear this don’t you? Well fine then.” It may have sounded full of bravado but Alyx was shaking.  
Alyx fumbled through the drawers, not quite sure why.  
“Please don’t let it be here,” she prayed, “I don’t really wanna hear it.”  
She flicked through the dividers labelled with dates until she came across the correct one, it did contain the record as she’d feared, a phonograph cylinder, how the wax cylinder had survived the fire Alyx could not tell, all that mattered was that it was there. Taking hold of the cylinder with unsteady hands she walked back to the phonograph which had been conveniently left out.  
_Why are you doing this to yourself?_ She asked herself as she placed it in, the only answer she could find was to satisfy her own curiosity.  
Alyx sat back on the chair and reluctantly wound the device into life. A scream came from the horn, one of pain and shrieked at an ungodly volume.  
“Jesus Wept!” She yelled in fright as she jumped, the chair leant back and Alyx came crashing to the hard ground and hit her head , “Ah, bugger it to Hell!”, she rubbed her head and heaved herself up, picked up the fallen chair, slammed it on the ground and sat defiantly on it. The screaming had stopped and was followed by an eerie silence. She nearly tore the cylinder from the holder and looked up across the table, “You did that on bloody purpose didn’t you?” Somewhere she could hear a distant cackle that could’ve been his laughter, although it could easily have just the deluded imaginings of her mind having hit the ground.  
She replaced the audio device back; it squealed with noise and made her ears sting. With one hand she tapped the player, with the other she held her the hem of her skirt down, her legs were crossed tightly. The winding sound stopped and Alyx pushed the play button again. It crackled with age...  
“… Interview conducted 22nd August 1907. Doctor Heathen interviewing patient 2808, Ryan Kuhn…”  
Alyx very quickly pressed the stop button, her eyes wide in astonishment at the sound of the soft, effeminate voice. She shook her head… _Doctor Heathen? _She grabbed the folder again and flicked through the pages to the one she’d read previously and re-read the sentence that had struck her as so confusing.  
_I have taken precautions to keep myself protected…  
_“Oh no… No, no, no… please tell me you didn’t do this…”  
“… Good morning Ryan, how are we feeling today?”… Silence, Alyx cautiously leant her head closer to the horn to hear, he was there, he was breathing heavily.  
“Not so good…” He mumbled. Alyx clasped her hand to her mouth; his voice was exactly the same, deep and slightly coarse from dehydration, only this time the words were said under a troubled tone as if he struggled to speak. His breathing was erratic and laboured. Her heart beat faster having listened to that one sentence, to hear him speak, to know that this was his voice when he was alive, to suddenly be able to hear this man in a way she hadn’t before, it personified him and now it brought tears to her eyes.  
“Are you having nightmares again Ryan? We can change your medication if you’re suffering side-effects,”  
“… No… No, I’m fine…”  
“Ryan, would you mind not chewing your fingers? It’ll be hard to understand you on the record.” The doctor used a very gentle tone with him, concerned almost, “I’d like to talk some more with you about your crimes today.”  
“I’d rather not…” He struggled.  
“Why is that?”  
“Please don’t make me talk about it,” Alyx heard him gulp unsteadily.  
“Ryan, you seem awfully jittery, has there been a trigger for this behaviour? Your mental state has been deteriorating over the last three weeks,”  
He took a sharp intake of breath and with slight anger and frustration he replied to the question, “What do you think? I’ve been here five months… Five months!... Five months of your ‘cures’ and ‘treatments’... Your tortures... Five months without a woman, it’s… It’s maddening…” His breathing was heavier now, and in the pauses she thought she could hear him holding back tears.  
“I know this is hard for you but we must try and concentrate and continue with our session,”  
“Yes, of course… Please continue…”  
Alyx pushed the stop button and sat back in the chair, her arms crossed but her hand still covering her mouth from earlier, “Man, this is fucked up!” She whispered, suddenly a lot of things made sense, the light voice, the sentence she’d read earlier, the changing of Ryan’s name in the documents, and it made her so angry, “A woman? A female doctor?... What the Hell were you thinking Heathen? Surely you could tell that the guy has obvious trust issues, you can’t do this! You’ll destroy him if he finds out and more to the point, he’ll destroy you.” She stopped and looked up with a look of internal confusion on her face, “Why the Hell am I talking as if this is happening in the present? It’s already happened, you know the ending.” His wild caged face flashed before her eyes in memory and again she heard that obscene laughter. She pressed on.  
“Ryan, I’d like to start by asking you a very simple question; why did you kill those women?”  
He sighed, his voice broke as he mumbled something that was causing him great distress.  
“I’m sorry, could you repeat that for the record? Please stop chewing your fingers,” Doctor Heathen asked him.  
“I said it was an accident!” The way his voice broke at that moment, for some reason it tugged at Alyx’s heart.  
“Every time?”  
“Yes. Yes of course,” he responded as if the answer was evident.  
“You killed them ‘accidently’, every time?”  
“Yes.”  
“Why?”  
“I couldn’t… I couldn’t help it. They made me so... angry.”  
“Why?”  
“Parasites... They all just want one thing...” His fingers tapped impatiently against the desk. Alyx’s did the same unknowingly.  
“Do you remember their names Ryan?”  
Alyx gasped. It was a question she hadn’t expected, “What?”  
“What?” Ryan asked.  
“Their names, Ryan? Do you remember what their names were?”  
“No... They... They never told me their names,” on the verge of tears yet again.  
“Is that how you deal with it Ryan? By not naming them, does it, dehumanise them? Does it make you feel better about what you did?”  
Suddenly the tone of his voice changed, it became much more sinister, “They _wanted_ me, Dr Heathen. They _all_ wanted _me,_”  
“How can you be sure of that?”  
“All women are the same.” Alyx felt incredibly cold, “They only want one thing. And I gave it to them... but I was too much for them... but it was an accident... I didn’t mean to kill them... I didn’t mean to kill _anyone_.”  
_Oh God..._ Alyx thought as she listened closer, _Is he crying?  
_Dr Heathen coughed uncomfortably, “Now, this is good. Perhaps now we can move onto something else-”  
“No! You wanted to know about this Doctor, so listen. They loved me, they loved how I fucked them. It was good, but they screamed so much I had to stop them, they screamed for me, they had to be silenced. They tasted so good... Oh so good,” His breathing had become much heavier now and Alyx dreaded to think what he was actually doing.  
“Ryan please, calm down.”  
“Or what? I’m not afraid of the guards, let them come and get me!”  
A commotion ensued as Ryan lost control. The sound of furniture being turned over and Ryan’s desperate pleas came from the horn.  
“Please Ryan, please calm yourself, you know what will happen. I won’t be able to stop them.”  
“Then please Dr Heathen, give me one thing! Give me a woman,”  
“You know I can’t do th-”  
“Please! I promise I won’t hurt her, please just let me have a whore, please!” His cries were so desperate, Alyx tugged at her skirt uncomfortably and placed a crooked finger index finger in her mouth and bit down.  
He cried with all his heart, bleeding out a torrent of emotions. In the background the sound of a door opening, several voices and a rush of hurried footsteps. Ryan screamed now as the orderlies who had entered the room grabbed him. He called out at Dr Heathen whom Alyx assumed was still there, he called out for her to help him, he pleaded with her and screamed, very soon after then he went silent. One of the orderlies made a passing joke about it and the others laughed.  
“How much did you give?” Dr Heathen asked.  
“Enough to fall a horse!” Someone laughed, “He’ll be out for at least twenty four hours.”  
“That was unnecessary; get off him!” She yelled, “Just... just take him back to his cell.”  
Ryan was dragged from the room and Dr Heathen sat back in her chair, “He only has one more chance, I won’t be able to protect him if he loses his control again,” her breathing was shallow as she addressed the recorder, she’d obviously been shaken by the experience, “I will continue with medication and speech therapy. There is talk of a new experimental drug being used in Europe which may be helpful for him... but in truth I am concerned. He only has one more chance and Waler has warned that he will use more... forceful measures.” She stopped to lick her lips and inhale deeply, “The strait jacket has been prepared for him. I just pray it doesn’t come to that again.”  
The gramophone fell silent...


	10. The Lucy Shepherd Incident

Alyx threw her hand at the device and this time literally tore the cylinder from its holder as fast as she could. Only now did she realise that her hand was shaking.  
"Bloody Hell," she whispered as everything began to sink in, she rubbed her forehead fingering the tender cuts hidden by her hair, "Oh Jesus... This isn't good mate! This is not good..."  
What had he done? Something terrible no doubt... Why else had they strapped him up and placed that crude thing on his head, perhaps he'd gotten to Dr Heathen...  
Did she dare look for more answers to questions she no longer wanted answering?  
Her hand seemed to move independently and she cursed herself and her own curiosity, it had done nothing but get her into trouble and it would probably lead to her demise.  
A new page in the entries slightly more yellow in colour was simply entitled Treatment. The majority of the text had been typed; it was a standard form with tick boxes next to the phrases and a few handwritten notes in spaces below. Ryan's name had been hand written by Dr Heathen in the corner.  
Alyx's suspicions were confirmed therein. He had indeed suffered during his time here and despite Dr Heathen's attempts to move away from these old methods she had obviously been fighting a losing battle against the stigmas of her generation. It would not be until the start of World War 1 that the treatment of mental health would be done differently.  
Ryan had been subjected to many varying methods of treatment to cure his 'condition'. Unreliable medication causing jitteriness and hallucinations were mild problems in comparison to him being stripped of his clothing and dragged to a dark room with a bath full of water and ice. They had forced him into the freezing water, submerging his head for several minutes at a time while he thrashed about against the lackeys who held him under. He was not removed from the icy water until his arms went limp and his lips turned blue. Only then had Dr Heathen had any right to intervene.  
As his condition worsened, so too did the treatment. His behaviour became erratic due to the medication, although the doctor had stressed that these were all good signs and that her patient was on the road to recovery; being detained and being made to talk of his actions, it was the equivalent of a detoxification, but instead of this being a abstain from heroin or opium, his addiction was sex and women. This severe restraint upon him both physically and emotionally had led to several outbreaks of violence.  
She read how he had clawed at the walls of his cell, stripping away his finger nails and still continuing to claw until most of the flesh on his finger tips had been torn away, revealing the bone...  
To her shock Alyx discovered that he'd been placed in an induced insulin coma for three days, during which time he was not fed, but was this part of his treatment plan or was this punishment? When he awoke from this he was swiftly placed on a large regular dose of morphine to keep his mood 'labile'.  
Nothing had worked for him.  
Eventually, much to the doctor's utter disdain for the practise, the use of branding tools had been considered as a means to 'bring him to his senses' and Alyx flinched in repulsion as she read the gory details.  
The list continued on; periodic starvation, the use of a strait jacket in extreme cases, isolation and seclusion under restraint, along with other methods of the time. Alyx could only think to breathe a sigh of relief in seeing that the box marked 'LOMBOTOMISED' had not been ticked.  
The rest of the progress notes she barely touched, her stomach was not up to dealing with the majority of what was written.  
She only stopped at a page with a single paragraph with the heading Incident Report April 12th 1907. Almost five months after to the recorded interview.  
He _had_ done something terrible.  
On the night of 11th April 1907. Patient 2808: Ryan Kuhn, assaulted a female member of the nursing staff...  
  
Ah yes, Nurse Lucy Shepherd. A delightful young girl with a spring in her step and a smile for everyone. A pleasant creature indeed, who was keen but inexperienced in the field of mental health.  
It had not been her fault entirely. She should not have been left alone that night, not so soon, not so young; but then again she should never have assumed that he was sleeping when she'd entered the room.  
Ryan had grabbed her and broken the key in the lock to stop anyone from 'disturbing them'. Her skin was so soft, her blonde hair was shiny and well kept.  
Lucy Shepherd was a virgin... and she had screamed so beautifully.  
Ryan remembered her with fondness, she wore a strong rose fragrance brushed into her hair, he remembered that, and how she'd had the courtesy to wear such a delicious set of black, lace lingerie for his pleasure.  
Ryan was too consumed with lust to listen to Dr Heathen's pleas for him to stop. Dr Heathen had been there, she had watched... Watched as Ryan had taken his victim without pity and with no regret for his actions. He tore into her with his teeth as he'd climaxed within her, ripping her neck open viciously in his excitement. The guards had not gained access to the cell until he'd finished with her. They 'removed' him and placed him in the padded cell and that is where he stayed.  
Amazingly, Lucy Shepherd had survived the ordeal, although perhaps it would've been better if she hadn't. The abortion procedure given to Lucy three months later was never revealed to Ryan and perhaps that was for the best. God only knows what his reaction to her pregnancy would've been.  
  
"Oh God," Alyx whispered, head in her hands, "He's going to kill me... He's going to kill me. I can't get out. I'm dead..." The evidence was in front of her now, only one of his victims had survived his deadly affections and that was due to being interrupted.  
She slammed the folder shut and threw it across the room. To Hell with looking for answers, she had the ultimate one now, that he would not let her leave, that he felt no remorse for what he'd done, he would simply use her until she died as he had the others. A part of her wanted to know what had happened to Dr Heathen... Had he discovered her secret? _What does it matter? It won't change anything..._ That was in the past, and this was now.  
Alyx didn't cry, but simply sat and contemplated what she'd read as she twisted the ball bearing in her lip ring. The tugging motion this created caused her to remember how he'd bitten her lip, tooth marks decorated the flesh which felt tender and tasted copper sweet.  
They had locked him up; he had come here seeking help and they had done this to him. He'd been left alone in the dark, bound and restrained... A charming, intelligent young man by the doctor's own admission, albeit a cunning rapist, but by coming here he had everything taken from him. If the man wasn't crazed when he entered the Asylum, he had certainly been by the time he'd died...  
And what of that? His death? Did they just leave him here? The Asylum had burnt down; perhaps Ryan had even started it? No, that doesn't fit. Crazy, yes, psychotic, yes but the man had shown no evidence of being suicidal or likely to cause arson even in the latter months of his imprisonment. Maybe they had left him... Or maybe he had not wanted to be helped by that time; if that were the case then Alyx could hardly blame him; better to face the flames alone then surrender himself to those bastards again.  
_You're kidding me, Alyx... don't tell me this is sympathy,_ "So what if it is? It doesn't mean I care! It just means I empathise... I empathise... with the guy who's going to eventually kill me..."  
_No. No, I won't give up that easily,_ she could've laughed at the word easily, she'd given him everything she had to fight with, no one would've blamed her for giving up hope now, This isn't over, she thought as she hit the desk, _He hasn't beaten me until my mind snaps or my heart stops beating._  
Then she felt him, felt his cold fingers touch the cuts on her cheek gently and move back across her skin into her blood soaked hair, and somewhere within her gut she felt something, his touch was familiar, it made her tremble in an unsettling way. What the Hell was this feeling? Then it hit her... familiarity... his touch had become the only consistent and true thing in her life, everyone else had left her, abandoned her, even Darren –okay that wasn't his fault necessarily, but he was still gone... Ryan however had stayed, and had even asked her to stay with him. His attentions, regardless of the intent were real, true and most importantly, they were everlasting… If she stayed, he would touch her like this forever.  
She turned slowly, meeting his cold stare and his lustful smile. Suddenly he gripped her hair and dragged her from the chair, to make her kneel before him in a submissive pose, it was almost as if he were proving a point to her, how he was in control and there was no hope for her to escape. She looked at him, the anger she used to feel was gone but there was still disdain there, she might pity his existence but she certainly wasn't _that_ sorry for him that she would do anything willingly. She maybe on the point of collapse with that feeling of burning within her guts, but that did not take away the fact that he had raped and abused her for however many days it was now. His grip on her hair burned her scalp, his fingertips with their sharpened bone edges traced the cuts on her cheek, it felt good. How was it that this ghostly spectre had become the only permanent thing in her existence?  
Dr Heathen would've been pleased with him, he was sure of that. Keeping this one alive showed he had some self control after all; it had only taken him over a century to prove it. He always knew he could keep one alive. They should've listened to his requests, he would've shown them. It also proved another point that they had failed to take heed of: she wanted him, if she didn't she could've surely killed herself by now; no she wanted this, because she loved him, just like all the others he had done this to… They'd all wanted it and had all loved it.  
She was starting to break in spirit which would mean her eventual submission; he could tell that from the way she accepted being made to kneel like this. Her eyes though still contained that fighting spirit, she was not quite broken yet, but perhaps a little more willing to perform other pleasures for him.  
_Don't be swayed, mate,_ she told herself as she looked at him, with his piercing crazed eyes and wild hair, _It might feel like this now, but the guy rapes and kills, he won't keep you forever…_ It was a fact, he would eventually kill her, either himself or by depriving her of food, water and sleep… oh sleep, it must've been nearly forty-eight hours since she last slept… The blackout after he'd asphyxiated her did not count as sleep in her opinion, _You're just tired, you don't really feel like this… it's a hallucination…_ that realisation didn't make it feel any less real though, even as he dug his thumb into the flesh just beneath her eye.  
Ryan laughed to himself as a pleasant memory flashed before him and the exposed bone produced blood from her, _Oh yes, she wants it, just like the good doctor wanted it._  
_I won't die here!_ It dawned on her then that perhaps if she stayed willingly, he would let his guard down. Alyx reached for her pocket and took out her pink mobile, she threw it across the room away from them.  
"You win," she said at last, "I don't know what I did to deserve all this from you, but I'll stay..."


	11. Don't Leave Me

The days rolled into one, how long had she been there? She didn’t know. She stayed put when he took her back to the basement, but the darkness prevented any indication of the passage of time. When Ryan wasn’t with her, Alyx made herself a small joint, she hoped that by keeping herself in this state of a high she wouldn’t necessarily care what he did to her. It did help to a degree, made it easier to cope.  
Fighting him was all Alyx had left of herself she was sure, but her will was failing her now in the knowledge that no one would come to save her.  
There was only her and Ryan in this dark, horrible place full of torturous memories, both his and hers.  
As she succumbed to the inevitability of staying until he thought to release her himself or until she died, she made herself comfortable in a corner, smoked her spliffs and listened to her music as she hugged her limbs around her to keep away the intrusive cold of the cellar, “I’ve just got to keep fighting him. I’ll stay here but he’s not getting an easy lay, I’m not easy, it’s gonna take more than a bunch of roses to make me spread my legs for him willingly. Just fight him off, but stay put… He’ll have to trust you eventually.” How long was that going to take though? She knelt down to lap up a puddle of water to quench her thirst and then rubbed her cold skin, noticing how she suddenly could feel a lot more bone through her skin than she used to, “I must’ve lost weight… Oh well, at least this experience hasn’t been a total loss,” she laughed at her own joke, quite a lot more than was appropriate. Ryan laughed too, he was somewhere in the room with her although she could not see him. Their laughter echoed one another in its mania.

He knew no boundaries, she was sure of that now. He had left nothing untouched and his marks scarred most of her flesh now, internally as well as externally, but the drug took away some of the pain.  
Ryan was becoming more demanding of her attentions, he had to get as much usage out of her as he could; her scent, her touch, her taste was addictive and since dried blood does not taste so good he had no choice but to keep bleeding her while he took her.  
Other times though, he simply sat with her, sometimes he knelt on his haunches to look at her as she smoked, sometimes he came closer to weave his fingers through her hair or to smell it, sometimes he even lied down beside her with his head resting in her lap. Alyx did not push him away when he did these things, she wanted him to trust her, so when he placed his head on her lap, she stroked his hair. As hard as she tried, it was impossible now to not feel some sympathy for him knowing what he’d been through in an attempt to cure himself of his affliction; it was very easy to feel sorry for this poor pitiful creature who had not crossed over and since Alyx had never been one for self pity, it was helpful to be able to direct it towards Ryan instead.  
It had been so long since Ryan had felt so comfortable in another’s presence, and enough to let her do this, when had a woman last run their fingers through his hair?… Probably Dr Heathen… But that was a tainted memory; she was a liar, a deceptive snake just like the rest… This one though, she was the same, only wanting one thing but _she_ had not lied to him, had not subjected him to tortures beyond his imagining, no, she only wanted him. He stroked the frayed rips on her tiny skirt, fingering the stray threads that came from it and chewed his fingers.  
Alyx was not able to see how these tender affections were affecting her judgement, until one enlightening moment.  
As he moved above her, keeping his arms around her squirming body, he licked her breasts, occasionally giving the erect nipples a teasing bite. Alyx gasped every time and he loved it, she knew that he was playing with her, she knew that at any moment he could rip his teeth into the skin.  
These little gasps of hers were fun, but they could be better. He moved up, making sure not to stop his movements as he went. He looked at her for a moment, noticing how she now licked her lips and how she bit her lip in between moans to stop her obvious displays of want as he fucked her. He shifted the cage on his head and then placed his face to her neck. Alyx jumped as she felt his teeth on her throat, the wording on the incident report with its description of Lucy Shepherd’s destroyed larynx flashed before Alyx’s eyes. Her body tensed, but this did not go unnoticed as Ryan rolled his tongue over the flesh and bit her again.  
A tiny scream was his reward this time and a clenching of her internal muscles. He enjoyed teasing her this way, enjoyed the way her body trembled in excitement for his touch, he had noticed also how she’d started to tremble in a different way now when she would grind her own hips into his. It felt good when she did that, but infrequent.  
His teeth came down harder this time and Alyx cried out, not a scream, not an obscenity... She cried out his name.  
Both Alyx and Ryan stopped their movements temporarily to look at one another. Alyx wondered whether or not she had said his name out loud, why would she call his name, in that way? _It was intentional, Alyx to trick him... You know that... _ Ryan smiled at her and then quickly resumed the rhythm he had stopped. He loved how she’d called out for him, it verified everything he’d believed, that she yearned for his touch, that she wanted him, that she loved him. He came inside her at that moment and held her close to lick her lips. He wanted to tell her how special she was, how he appreciated the lengths she had gone to, to stay with him, to please him, but he decided to remain silent for now. It was enough to hold her. She was such a good girl with her persistent fighting and now with these new things she did. He kissed her, placing his hands to the sides of her face to prevent her from turning her head away, but that battle did not come, instead Alyx opened her mouth for him and kissed him back as she gripped the cold metal of his cage to bring him closer, _It’s just playacting_, she told herself firmly as she took the opportunity to begin deceiving him, _It’s not real…_ her tongue pressed against his and she unexpectedly shook excitedly as he bit it, her hips raised off the floor against him as she now began slowly moving.  
_What a teasing little slut you are,_ Ryan thought as his tongue flicked over hers, allowing him to taste that sweet blood on her tongue, _always wanting more.  
_Alyx withdrew and took a sharp breath before she spoke again, “I want you,” she whispered to him.  
Ryan smiled, he’d always known that anyway, but it was nice to hear her say it. Perhaps he should do something special for her… he hadn’t given her an orgasm for a while.  
He moved himself and lied next to Alyx so he could touch her more easily but still keep kissing her. Alyx could not disguise the way her moans sounded as she felt those sharp boned fingertips inside her; she could not help but open her legs for him as the palm of his hand massaged her most sensitive region. Alyx writhed next to him as they kissed, in her mind she kept telling herself that it was just a game, only a game to trick him... she gripped the rusty metal of his cage desperately as the sensations he gave her made her insides tingle. She licked the cuts on Ryan’s lips as her body shook with a variety of feelings, pulling him closer still to kiss him deeply and he returned her enthusiasm by holding her hair and giving her more of him.  
Her muscles began to clench and she jolted, feeling that amazing burning she’d felt once before. Alyx gasped, enjoying the moment too much... too much... too much? She _was _enjoying it! She was kissing him, not to trick him, because she wanted to, her mind was lying to her, telling her to do it to trick him when actually it was an excuse, she wanted him to touch her, wanted him to kiss her... Oh God, no!  
Even in this state of internal turmoil, the burning did not cease. Ryan was too much of a perfectionist, he’d already decided what he was going to do, and would not have it any other way, he would make her come since she wanted it so bad.  
Alyx squirmed, she didn’t want this, this was a trick, it wasn’t real, she didn’t really want him... but she couldn’t bring herself to push him away as she gasped and crossed her legs tightly as he brought her to climax, but very quickly the veil of lust left her vision. Alyx tensed realising exactly what had just happened.  
She pushed him away now, not caring how her wounded arms rubbed against the coarse fabric of his straitjacket; she quickly kicked herself back. Alyx didn’t say anything, she couldn’t think of what to say, was she losing her mind at last? Had he broken her? Was she officially his now?  
Ryan wondered why she’d chosen to move away, she’d obviously been enjoying it. He crawled over to her and touched her shoulder; Alyx turned her head away from him sharply and bit her lip which now bled from doing it so much.  
_Why do you cry, sweetheart? I’m not leaving you, I’ll always be here with you.  
_Alyx turned back to look at him, at those piercing grey crazy eyes, “I don’t love you,” she said simply, although she was telling herself this more than Ryan.  
_That’s not true, you _do_ love me!  
_Alyx did not hear him, but she simply repeated, “I don’t love you, Ryan,”  
A fury built in Ryan he had not felt for a long time, the little bitch with her trickery had deceived him, no, she was lying, trying to dissociate herself from him for whatever reason, she loved him, she definitely loved him. She should learn some respect.  
Ryan grabbed her hair and forced her face close to his own caged one as he snarled at her. Alyx barely flinched, so consumed in the encroaching darkness that seemed to be settling in on her mind. With a swift movement, Ryan threw her back against the wall hard, but this time it wasn’t a warning, he gripped her hair again and proceeded to bash her face against the brickwork over and over again, _Don’t ever say that to me again!_ He screamed internally as he continued, _You will learn to respect me you little bitch!_ Alyx screamed in pain as she felt some of her back teeth start to come loose where they impacted with the wall.  
“Stop Ryan!” she yelled with a profusely bleeding mouth, “I’m sorry! I’m sorry!” She tried to grab hold of him, to hold him so that he would calm down and also to stop him from hurting her, but his strength was unwavering unlike Alyx’s.  
When he did let her go she fell to the floor, more blood escaping from a hidden cut on her scalp, how was she still alive she wondered?  
Ryan kicked her hard in the ribs, _You will pay for this!_ He grabbed her by her throat and forced her upright, the grip of his hand increased on her larynx, his boned finger tips digging sharply into the flesh making blood seep down her neck and her chest, _What do you say?  
_“I’m sorry!” Alyx struggled for breath, “Please Ryan, I’m sorry... I love you, I love you!!”  
His head tilted, _That’s right you little whore!_ He dropped her harshly and then much too quickly flickered from her vision leaving her in darkness.  
“Ryan?” She coughed and spluttered at regaining her breath, “Ryan!” Alyx backed herself into a corner, shaking with a fear she had not known before, a fear of herself and what she was becoming in this place with him... _ I have to keep fighting..._

The fight became less and less each time though, as more blood was spilt, as the hours without food dragged by, as Ryan became more vicious in his attacks.  
She deserved it though.  
At one point he even attempted to get Alyx to perform fellatio on him.  
She refused of course, keeping her mouth tightly closed and averting her head from him. However, a quick but effective running of his claw along her throat was enough to convince her. His threats were no longer empty.  
The act was half-hearted on her part but to him it was heavenly, her lip ring rolled against his length and he gripped her hair at the feeling of the tongue stud in her mouth that he had not been aware of until now. He had been right, it did feel good having such accessories.  
Alyx had tried not to take much notice before but there was no denying his leanness now or his length as he hit the back of her throat repeatedly.  
He controlled her movements, sliding her pretty mouth up and down him as he began to reach his peak.  
Alyx could tell the signs; the quickening movements, the tightening grip on her hair, the increase in frequency and volume of Ryan’s deep growls. So she did what she normally would in the circumstances; she released him from her mouth and waited for the inevitable moment that he would come over her.  
This was not what Ryan had in mind though; he smacked her across her already wounded cheek and grabbed her hair almost by the scalp. He forced himself back into her warm, inviting mouth again and began driving harder and faster, and there was nothing Alyx could do to stop him as he emptied himself into her; warm and thick, she was forced then to swallow as tears spilled from her eyes and his seed from the corners of her mouth.  
Ryan left the physical world smiling in satisfaction at his whore.  
As soon as he was gone Alyx reached her hand to her mouth, she put her index and middle finger to the back of her throat and vomited up what he’d made her swallow… What she would’ve given to be able to do the same thing to her reproductive organs…

_What time is it? What day is it? Where is he? Oh... the iPod’s dead... I can hum instead, listen to the music in my head... I could murder a cup of tea, strong, with three sugars. Where am I? What is this place? How long have I been here? Ryan? Are you there? Ryan... Who am I?_

Ryan rolled her over to face him as he began touching her again, but he stopped when he noticed her eyes were closed. This wouldn’t do. He scratched her inner thigh enough to bleed her, but the only sound she emitted was a small tired sigh, barely even a moan. Alyx’s eyelids were fluttering but that wasn’t enough. He smacked her across the face but still she did not stir.  
_What the fuck’s wrong with her now?_ He thought as he began to lift her hips from the floor and force himself into her. She knew what he was doing but all her strength had gone, there was nothing left in her to fight him off, only her mind screamed as she felt him inside of her.  
She was limp in body and spirit as he moved and this infuriated him further.  
_Fight me, bitch!_ He thought as he drove into her harder, trying to provoke some kind of reaction, he leaned over her, tearing open the strait jacket he had put her in and bit down on her breast. A pitiful moan came from her lips but not much else. Ryan was beginning to tire of this, what was the point of her if she wouldn’t resist him. Perhaps she needed to rest… He had been forgetful of the fact that she would need sleep to maintain her strength, in the meantime though, she would do for an easy fuck, it was better than not having her at all.  
Despite her lack of response he fucked her hard. He knew she was not unconscious so he would make her pay for not giving him her full attention and when she had rested he would punish her some more. Alyx knew what he was doing, she felt every thrust and when he finished with her as he normally did, within the blurry boundaries of reality and dream Alyx found herself wondering for the first time if it was possible to get pregnant like this... This thought chilled her to her very core regardless of how her mind battled against the notion with logic, _Ghosts can’t impregnate people_, she thought, but then she’d also thought that ghosts couldn’t hurt you... or rape you... how wrong she had been.  
If it was at all possible then it was likely now for she had missed her pill.  
Silently she prayed that this was not the case, how could she bare to bring a child to term, a child fathered by this _thing_ that had taken such delight and pleasure from her suffering.  
_No mate, don’t go down that road..._ She reached her hands to her stomach and began praying if anyone was listening that it wouldn’t be so, _Wait, my hands?_ She hadn’t noticed before, she was untied... He had left her unrestrained. Had he forgotten, or just assumed it was unnecessary? Did it matter?  
Not really. She rolled onto her stomach and pushed herself up with what strength was left in her arms. She breathed heavily, gritting her teeth in a mix of determination and pain; she gripped the wall and clawed herself up to her feet which felt unsteady and ready to bring her crashing back to the ground at any moment. _Don’t think about it, Alyx... He’s left you... Run for it, run while you have the chance!!!_ Her heart raced which helped pump the last bit of adrenaline she held into her limps, she took an unbalanced step forward and then another, she had to move faster. Each step was more ambitious, her flesh tearing with the increased movement, but it didn’t matter, she could get out, she would be free if only she could find the open window she’d used to get in here in the first place.  
Her hands left bloodied marks along the wall as she advanced out of the room and more blood dripped from her body leaving a red spotted trail behind her, she was actually bleeding heavily.  
She began moving quicker, nearly running, breathing heavily but still going. Ryan wasn’t chasing her, yet. She could get a head start, she could get out. She ran up the staircase, dragging herself up with her hands as well as her legs. _Get to the top of the stairs, keep going. Keep running, keep running!  
_A scream tore through her, it came from the basement behind her; but it only added to her adrenaline. Ryan’s cry was unmistakeable and even though Alyx couldn’t see him she knew exactly what kind of anger was in his eyes, that hungry fury. If he caught her she would not survive, he would punish her for running, or he would be so enthusiastic he would tear her apart.  
She bashed into a wall as she rounded the corner but kept going, running as fast as she could, but now she could hear him, getting closer and closer, right on her heels, laughing manically. She screamed as she ran, trying to drive herself faster, Ryan laughed as he got closer, the sounds they both emitted covered another sound in the distance though. A sound that would’ve been familiar at one time but right now was not.  
Alyx turned another corner and saw it, the broken glass on the floor, the open window. She bolted. Gritting her teeth and reaching out her arms ready to climb through. Her hands gripped the window frame, she didn’t care how the broken shards dug into her palms; she just had to get out.  
Ryan grabbed her waist with his cold hands and encircled her with his arms to bring her back. Her hands were lacerated by the glass as he pulled her.  
Ryan brought her to her wall and pinned her there, _Oh, I’m going to enjoy this... I’ll make you suffer this time... Just like I made Sasha suffer... and she fucking wanted it!  
_He forced himself into Alyx. She screamed one more time as she felt him tear her in two, and proceed to take her harder than he had done before, tearing into her with his claws and edging his face closer to her neck, licking his lips, ready to tear her throat out.  
Suddenly the doors to Borehamwood Asylum flew open. Bright daylight streamed through the doors, blinding Alyx. There were noises, people, lots of people, men. They were shouting, but Alyx could not hear them, not over Ryan’s terrified screams. He vanished quickly.  
Many voices called and Alyx heard her name, but couldn’t see anything, she raised her arms to cover her eyes and then screamed as she felt many hands upon her naked skin, dragging her forward towards the light.  
What was going on? Who were these people? Alyx screamed out in absolute terror at feeling their unfamiliar hands touching her, pulling her out into that bright light, that blinding light.  
Ryan turned, they had her, they were taking her... No, she was his! They can’t have her! He dematerialised momentarily, and re-emerged in the midst of these men who were touching his property, taking her away from him. He clawed at them savagely. Some screamed, others fired their guns wildly into the air, unable to see what it was that was attacking them.  
“Get her out of here,” someone yelled.  
“No!” Alyx screamed, “No! Ryan! Ryan!”  
_Don’t you touch her!!!_ Ryan screamed as he picked up one of the men by his throat and very simply tore his windpipe out.  
There were too many of them, all of them dragging Alyx out of the Asylum, her home, her sanctuary, out into the bright scary daylight.  
“No! Please, Ryan!” she turned, trying to force her way back into the dark, damp corridors of the asylum. She reached out her hands to Ryan.  
Ryan reached out his hands to her, but only their fingertips met.  
_No, no, no!!! Don’t leave me here!!!  
_“Ryan, don’t leave me!!!”  
“Calm down girl, we’re here to help, we’re the police.”  
“No! Let me go! Ryan! Help me!”  
_Don’t leave me!!  
_Alyx’s boots dragged against the ground, the dirt and the stones outside the asylum, scrapping desperately, “Stop touching me!”  
They brought her out, screaming and kicking as she thrashed against them. She even tried to bite them off her to stop them touching her.  
It was too bright outside, Ryan dared not step out into the world with all those people there... Too bright... Too many... He recognised a face in the crowd, the blonde girl from before, standing in the crowd, was this her doing? _Fucking bitch!  
_They dragged Alyx to the waiting ambulance, where a paramedic stood with a sedative as was the procedure in such circumstances. There were comforting voices and people who tried to cover her in blankets, by who were they, why were they touching her? Oh God, Ryan would be furious, she was being touched by so many men, why were they all men?  
She continued to call out, noticing how Kelly stood in the crowd with tear filled eyes, arms covered in bandages and hands over her mouth.  
Once more Alyx screamed out for Ryan to help her, to save her... The sedative was injected... and now Alyx knew that she had truly lost her mind.


	12. To Serve Or Please On Your Back Or Knees

He would be here soon… He was toying with her by making the halogen light flash in her cell, "Leave me in peace…" she whispered as she tugged against her restraints.  
She hated this place, with its staff and medication, it wasn't as cosy as the old asylum, it was sterile and had no character, and even the older part of the hospital she was in now was barren in comparison… Why had they brought her here to this place? And where the bloody Hell was the doctor with her medication?  
Her mind wandered once again as she continued to sing to keep her mind active as it drifted back into memory… "A dying God man, full of pain… When will you… Come again…?" There was stale smell to the air and the atmosphere was heavy, it felt familiar and there was no control over the girl's muscles as she smiled with the next words she quietly sang, "Before him beg to serve or please… On your back or knees…"

* * *

"We just want the truth Alyx, tell us what happened," the detective asked.  
Alyx sat on the other side of table, the interview was being conducted in a small room on the hospital ward, Alyx being considered too unstable to be taken anywhere else. The hospital gown was irritating her skin; it was itchy against the cuts on her body.  
Alyx did not look at him, but kept her eyes on the tape recorder as the spokes spun round. In her mind she remembered the audio from Ryan's interview and thought of how ironic it was that now she was on this side of the recording herself. Maybe one day someone would discover this like she had with the other…  
"Alyx, we need answers, we won't be able to catch the man who did this to you if you won't tell us anything," he insisted.  
Alyx sighed, "I've already told you all I know,"  
"No, you've told us that a ghost was responsible. Now you're an intelligent girl Alyx, you know there's no such things as ghosts,"  
"If you'd told me that a week ago I might've believed you, but now…" A week, a goddam week. It had seemed impossible when she'd been told that the whole ordeal had only lasted four days, the following two had been spent in intensive care, having two pints of O Positive blood pumped back into her body and being fed nutrients and fluids through an IV which was still in her arm now. Alyx's strength had returned but in her mind she could feel her sanity hanging by a single thread. No visitors was the rule, no one except specialists until it was thought appropriate… although in truth, no one had come to see her yet, "I'm telling you again. His name is Ryan Kuhn, he died in 1908-"  
"The dead don't come back,"  
"Yes they do!" She rolled the sleeves of her gown up to reveal the vicious looking red markings, the wounds were healing but they would scar her whole body terribly. The detective winced, he'd never seen anyone with such wounds before, not living anyway, "You think I did this to myself?"  
"No, you were attacked and we need to find the man who did it, now tell us what you know Alyx,"  
Alyx sat defiantly back in the chair and put her face in her hands, "I want another pregnancy test."  
Examinations, assessments, specialists, psychiatrists, therapists; the list was never ending it seemed. Today would be speech therapy, the next day blood test analyses, maybe the results would come back in a week… But today there would be someone new.

"Good morning Alyx, my name's Matthew,"  
Alyx looked up from her bed to look at the young man who'd entered. He had dark blonde hair, a little longer than she'd expected, in the crux of his arm he carried her medical notes. She didn't answer him, but simply resumed picking at the scabs forming on her arms. She wasn't in the mood for people, new people, men especially.  
He moved a chair forward and sat in front of her, a safe distance though. He was well aware of her circumstances and had been well trained, "I've been asked to come and talk to you, is that ok with you?"  
"What's the point?" she whispered, "You won't believe me either… Besides, who the Hell are you?"  
He removed a card from his pocket and handed it to her in a non-threatening way, which she took, "I'm a doctor; I deal specifically with cases like your own. You can call me Dr Harris if it helps." She studied the small card, it seemed genuine and his credentials seemed okay.  
She looked at him, "You specialise in rape trauma?" he nodded, "Aren't you a little young to be a doctor?"  
Matthew laughed and pushed his glasses up a bit, "I get that a lot, but enough about me. It's you I'm interested in. Do you feel up for talking today? We'll go at a comfortable pace for you, there's no need to rush."  
Alyx sighed, and handed him his card back, noticing the way his top pocket bulged with a small cardboard box, "Can we go outside for a cigarette?"  
The smoking area was small but luckily no one else was in the grounds as they both sat on a bench. Alyx wore sunglasses as daylight was still very painful to her eyes. She was already on her second cigarette. Matthew was not a smoker himself, only indulging in the activity socially but he always carried a box with him, he'd found it helped establish some common ground with the women under his care, he allowed them to smoke his cigarettes and he would smoke with them to put them at ease. The method did work.  
"How do you feel?" he asked her softly,  
Alyx laughed, "That's a pretty stupid question isn't it?" she rubbed her shoulder where the gown was itching, she wanted her hoodie, her nice Disturbed hoodie but that was back home, "I feel better for this," she gestured to the burning fag in her fingers, all too soon though, the smile left her face and the sullen look returned. The look did not go unnoticed.  
Matthew took a deep breath before proceeding, it was a risky question but one that needed to be asked, sometimes it was better to ask this later in the proceedings but from what information he had it seemed logical to ask her now. He flicked the ash from his cigarette, "Do you want to talk about Ryan?"  
Her eyes shot up to look at him, surprised, no one had acknowledged Ryan besides herself, and no one had referred to him by name, "Yes…" she said at last.  
"Tell me about him,"  
"I assume you've read the police report, what more do you need to know?"  
"Yes, I've read the report, but nowhere does it tell me what your feelings are towards him,"  
Alyx was unsure of how to answer him, what could she say, what would justify what she felt? She played with her labret hoop as she spoke, "For a long time I hated him, despised what he was doing, how he treated me, but now… I don't know…"  
Matthew nodded and began looking through her notes, "Ryan Kuhn, patient 2808 high security risk at Borehamwood Asylum from 1907 to 1908; a delusional psychopath responsible for the rape of seven women and the murder of five,"  
"Seven?" she asked perplexed, although she could not help but be amazed, someone had obviously done their homework on the matter, "Who was the seventh? I know of the first five and Nurse Lucy Shepherd, but who was…?"  
"That was…" he scanned the notes, "A Doctor Sasha Heathen,"  
In a way this wasn't a surprise to her, but still it stung somewhat, she couldn't deny that she felt relieved in the knowledge that Ryan had not killed her though, "Was it rape?"  
"Excuse me?"  
"Between Ryan and Sasha? Was it definitely rape, are you sure she didn't consent, because I'm pretty sure she was eager,"  
This made Matthew curious, "Did Ryan tell you this?"  
"No… it just seemed pretty obvious when I read her notes about him,"  
Matthew looked back at the notes, "There's only limited information here, but it appears that it was reported as rape,"  
"What a cow!" Alyx whispered as she exhaled smoke, Matthew looked up, "She totally wanted him!" she laughed a little.  
"And what about you, Alyx?" She looked down and stroked her cheek where his claws had marked her; she didn't want to answer this question, "Alyx? It's ok, anything you tell me is in the strictest confidence,"  
She finished her cigarette and Matthew immediately offered her another which she readily accepted; he didn't like to encourage her but he was on the verge of a breakthrough and he didn't want her to lose her sudden relaxed demeanour. She breathed in heavily as she lit it, "Truthfully?... I miss him…" her voice cracked and her eyes filled suddenly with tears, "But I don't know why…"  
"You feel guilty for leaving him don't you,"  
Alyx suddenly broke down in tears; he was right, she'd left him, and she felt guilty about it, "I ju… just… want… t…to go… back…" she sobbed.  
Matthew nodded; he'd already assumed that this might be the case from the way she'd avoided the police questioning as well as her detachment from the other doctors. He put his cigarette out and leaned across the table, "What else?"  
"He…" she struggled with the words, knowing that it cannot possibly be true but it felt so real inside, "Oh fuck it! He needs me!... and I need him…"  
He didn't speak, but listened as she proceeded to pour her heart out to him, describing for the first time what had happened, every little detail, how it felt, how he'd made her feel, how she'd finally given in to him and then how it had felt to be torn away from him, by a group of men she didn't know.  
She went on describe how since her rescue she'd been unable to sleep, tormented by dreams of him, she had woken up night after night screaming out Ryan's name, sometimes tearing out her IV or her blood drip in the process and having to be restrained by nurses, usually male ones, it was horrible… because none of them were him… "Four days! Four days of nothing but screaming, and bleeding and… fucking," the last word said with such a mixture of disdain and passion, she looked at the doctor before her, "Can you imagine what that does to someone?"  
"Unfortunately, I know exactly what that can do to someone, although there aren't many cases that involve the longevity that you had to suffer, but that's why I'm here, Alyx, to help you understand this,"  
She took her sunglasses off which were steaming up from her tears and wiped her eyes, "There's nothing to understand mate, I want to be with him, he's my everything and when I get out of this bloody place, I'm going back to the Asylum,"  
This wasn't the first time Matthew had witnessed this kind of reaction, but it was always astounding how some women managed to romanticise the ordeal, just like the culprits always managed to justify what they'd done.  
"Why are you protecting him, Alyx?" he kept repeating her name, it would help her to confront the issue; she noticed this, it was just like Dr Heathen had done with Ryan, "Why do you want to go back?"  
"Everyone's left me, everyone… friends, family, even Darren, and he came back for me,"  
Matthew very quickly turned a page in the notes, Darren Maynard: the police had found him in the basement of the Asylum, his mutilated body was discovered hanging sacrificially in a crucified position with his heart stuffed into his mouth; but Alyx did not know about those details yet, "Darren didn't leave, he was killed,"  
"It's still the same fucking thing," she laughed and cried at the same time, "But Ryan… Ryan is eternal and everlasting… he asked me to stay with him. The only time he ever spoke to me, he asked me to stay… and I left him there,"  
Just as he'd feared; it had been too long, long enough to develop a relationship, dependence and need. This man had nearly broken her and had very nearly made her his entirely.  
This behaviour was typical of such situations, but now was the time to dismiss the delusions, if the young girl was ever going to overcome this, then she would need to stop protecting him.  
"Alyx, let me tell a little bit about rapists if I might," he started, "Serial rapists see the world very differently to you and I; they look at a woman like yourself, and notice maybe that she's wearing makeup or high heels, or it could be something as simple as she looks in his direction, inadvertently making eye contact; to a rapist, this is an invitation,"  
Alyx recalled the audio interview she'd heard with Ryan and Sasha, and a phrase stuck out in her mind, _They wanted me, Dr Heathen. They all wanted me_, "They justify their actions to suit their methods; the fight becomes a game to them, a challenge if you will. On this point though I must stress that you did nothing wrong Alyx and you should not blame yourself for what happened. Now, with that in mind, I want you to realise what state you were in when the police and paramedics found you. For four days you'd been deprived of the most basic human essentials by someone, and your medical reports show that you suffered several head injuries,"  
Alyx went to get up, "I knew it, I knew you wouldn't believe me,"  
"Alyx, please hear me out, you were suffering from sun deprivation, malnutrition, dehydration and sleep deprivation not to mention the amount of blood you lost during that time and the high concentrate of illegal substances in your blood. It wouldn't have been hard for one man to convince you he was something he wasn't,"  
"This was not a hallucination brought on by sleep deprivation, I was raped!"  
"I'm not saying you weren't, but sometimes these people become so obsessed with an idea or a story that it takes over their life. One man, perhaps so infatuated with the story of Ryan Kuhn that he made himself out to be him, he's probably even convinced himself of the fantasy,"  
"Hold on a fucking second," Alyx interrupted, "Are you seriously telling me that this was some kind of fanboy wank?"  
Matthew laughed at the observation, "I suppose you could call it that, yes. Believe me, stranger things have been recorded in these circumstances. I just want you to be aware that it would not be hard for him to make you think he was who he claimed to be, and then gain your sympathy by showing you the 'evidence'... people like this usually want love and sympathy from another. There is no doubt that the real Ryan Kuhn, died in the most tragic of circumstances, all the more reason for you to feel sorry for him,"  
Alyx took this in, although it pained her to do so. If it were true then her feelings were false; but was that good or bad... It must be good, _Yes mate, this is good! It's just a guy, just like I said all along. A guy you can fight, and now you can get back at him_, she looked at Dr Harris.  
"Can you guarantee that? I mean, can you promise me that if it's just a regular man that this is the end, and that he won't come after me?"  
"Trust me, you're safe here," he responded genuinely, brushing his hair out of his eyes, he looked at her in silence for a while, _It's such a shame,_ he thought _that she's suffered like this_, she was an attractive young woman, and would probably never again be able to stand the touch of a man, "I've taken some measures as you're under my care now, I've asked for the doctor's sleep room to be made up for me so that I can stay here with you. If you feel like you need to talk about anything at any time, I'll just be down the hall," he leant slightly closer to narrow the gap between them, "But I can't promise you that it'll be easy to get past this,"  
Alyx leant away to distance the gap he had begun to close, she looked at him suspiciously, "Why you? Why a man?"  
"Because distancing yourself from the male gender will not be beneficial, if you continue avoiding men it will mean that Ryan has won, and that is something we don't want to happen."  
She supposed it made sense, and nodded in agreement. She bit her lip, unsure if she should even ask the next question, but there was no avoiding the issue, "Matthew? Have they told you about…?" she looked down.  
He didn't need to ask what she meant, "Yes, but that can wait till tomorrow I think. There's still plenty of time to discuss the options. Alyx, I want you to do something for me, I want you to take this," he took out a pad with green paper and proceeded to write something very quickly on it, and then hand it to her pushing it across the table so that he wouldn't touch her. It was a prescription. Then he reached for his jacket and withdrew a white box, which he slid across to her like everything else. He'd obviously been waiting to spring this on her for a while, "Now don't be alarmed, it's diazepam… valium basically, it'll help you sleep and take away the anxiety and nothing more, I don't want to start prescribing strong medication if it's not necessary. Go to your room, have a shower and try to get some sleep, I promise you the medication will help,"  
Alyx smiled and rose to her feet ready to go back inside but Dr Harris stopped her, and reached into his pocket, "I almost forgot, the police found your iPod in the Asylum. I made sure to charge it up before I brought it to you."  
Alyx thanked him as she held back happy tears and took her iPod, then she walked back to her room.  
Matthew Harris followed her a few minutes later, he went to the nurses station and made a few more requests to the ward manager; he demanded another pregnancy test for her, a simple one that she could perform herself, the young girl should have permission to smoke in her room if she wanted, there were to be no male nurses involved with her care and if anything happened, the nurses should come and find him immediately.  
Unbeknownst to the young doctor, a figure had been observing them, unseen and unheard for the last few hours, watching the distance they kept from one another and hearing everything they had said…

The rest of the day felt rather pleasant now she'd had that chat with Dr Harris, he seemed nice, for a guy... but still a guy.  
She wondered what would possess a young man like himself to follow such a career path, to be a rape trauma specialist, maybe one day she would ask him.  
She inspected the sachets of diazepam for a while, debating whether she should take them, but then she had told Matthew that she would, and she felt so tired right now, it had felt like a long day, even though it was only three 'o'clock in the afternoon.  
She took a single pill and drank it down with water, then she placed the packet on her bedside table, and started to remove her hospital gown.  
Alyx was fortunate in that she had a room to herself with an ensuite, and a shower sounded like a very good idea right now, maybe it would relieve the itchiness of her skin slightly.  
As the water ran she quickly locked the door and checked herself in the mirror, her bones protruded against thin skin and most of her wounds were still an angry red but the teeth marks on her bottom lip had begun to heal. As she traced her fingers over her lips a flash of memory crossed her mind, like an electric shock, she remembered his kiss, how he'd tasted and then she remembered the taste as he'd come in her mouth. She jolted and held onto the sink as she tried to stop herself from vomiting. She made herself swallow it back down knowing that the diazepam would be useless if it left her system.  
Alyx brushed her teeth quickly to get rid of the taste of sick and also the imagined taste of Ryan in her mouth, and then she stepped into the shower.  
_Thank you God for soap and water, one of life's little luxuries,_ she hummed a tune to herself as she scrubbed her skin and washed her hair of grime, oh to feel clean again, it was heavenly.  
It was a generic shampoo, not the best by any means but it still that lovely smell of cleanliness, it didn't matter that it stung the open cuts, she simply enjoyed the feeling of the lather as she massaged her scalp. The humming turned into song in her lighter mood and the lyrics to the Monty Python Lumberjack sketch were jokily sung and she laughed genuinely for the first time she could recall, not in hysteria. Maybe the diazepam was already taking effect.  
She picked up the razor a nurse had given her and set herself to work on her legs but stopped when she heard something, a scratching sound, just about audible over the water. Alyx listened more carefully, the scratching become louder, shriller, becoming a screech, the sound of glass being cut almost. She froze and then jumped as the water turned suddenly very cold which made her cut her leg with the razor. It was deep and bled instantly covering the sharp blades.  
She held her breath, who would've come in? How could they? The door was locked.  
Something scratched her neck and she cried out and then a silhouette passed swiftly across the curtain. Alyx backed herself into the corner, not caring how the cold water felt or the iciness of the tiles, she was too scared to comprehend turning the water off, "Who's there?" she asked.  
A low chuckle was the response and Alyx pushed herself back further at recognising it, her breathing was rapid almost to the point of hyperventilation,_ Oh God, no! No, this isn't real. He's not here, he can't be here…_ Alyx extended a very shaky hand towards the shower curtain, and then withdrew it, too many times had her curiosity been responsible for tragedy; she wouldn't repeat the pattern.  
She tried to calm herself but her chest continued to rise and fallen with unsteady quick breaths, water and shampoo stung her eyes but she dare not close them.  
Without warning the wall behind her seemed to come alive and embrace her. There was no time to scream as that instantly recognisable cold, dead hand clasped over her mouth and dug its sharp boned tips into her cheeks. Ryan emerged from the very wall itself, holding her tightly in his cold grasp as she struggled to free herself. Alyx's eyes bulged wide in fear as she felt the cold metal of his restraint pushing against her head.  
_Hello, sweetheart. I found you,_ he giggled. She tried to scream but his grip was tight, and she writhed against him, _Oh you missed me didn't you, yes, I can tell,_ he licked her cheek, _I've been watching you, with that doctor, he likes you, doesn't he? He can't have you though, you're mine.  
__Oh God, this isn't real, this isn't real! Help me someone, please!_ Alyx tried to scream. She reached her hand towards the emergency alarm but it was beyond reach from here.  
_No, he can't have you... You're spoken for... and I believe you have something of mine. _Ryan moved his arm and placed his hand on Alyx's stomach, pressing firmly.  
Alyx screamed, _No! That's not real either, it's a fluke, a mistake, it's not possible, and don't fucking caress me as if you're proud of it!_ Her feet slid on the wet surface but Ryan held her steady against him.  
This time Alyx heard his voice as if it were inside her head, _Are you going to be a good girl for me and not scream?_ So scared was she that she nodded and slowly Ryan removed his hand from her mouth.  
The next movement came quickly as Ryan pushed her against the cold tiles, right into the streaming cold water, he held her there, kneeling down, looking straight at her stomach.  
"Ghosts can't impregnate people, ghosts can't do that," Alyx whispered.  
Ryan hadn't thought it was possible himself, but it intrigued him, so when his mind gave him an image, he couldn't help but smile as he began to re-enact it, oh yes, being a ghost has many advantages. His hands with their clawed digits dematerialised and he pushed them through her skin. Alyx gasped and convulsed as she felt his hands actually within her, feeling her organs. She gripped his shoulders tightly; it hurt like nothing else before but she couldn't scream, couldn't push away as he might damage her.  
Ryan manoeuvred his hands inside her, feeling his way through her to the organ he sought. He shushed her lovingly as she gasped, feeling his claws scratch something she dare not think about.  
If a point needed to be made, then this was it... this was no man, this was no hallucination... this was Ryan Kuhn, deceased from 1908, in here with her, up to his elbows almost inside her.  
Alyx took a sharp deep breath and held tightly to his head cage as he finally laid his hands on what he'd been looking for and he smiled. For a moment he concentrated on the small organ, not able to see it but letting his fingers glide over it, trying to feel anything inside.  
Alyx prayed that maybe he was intent on ripping the blasted thing out of her.  
There was nothing, no spark of life, no feeling inside it... It was empty and devoid of life... for now at least. The young girl's cycle would start again, there would be plenty of time to try and he would make it happen.  
Ryan gently pulled his hands from her, leaving her womb intact and in place. They were covered in blood and he slid them up her wet body to her head and weaved them through her hair.  
Alyx's legs nearly buckled at this, it had been so long since she'd felt that and it sent a wave of heat through her despite the cold water.  
She looked straight at him, at his caged features, at his crazy eyes and wild hair, none of it was affected by the water that was soaking and freezing her. Torn between the feelings of desire and repulsion still, she wanted to push him away and yet at the same time embrace him and draw him nearer, but that would mean that he had won... No, he'd raped her, there was no escaping that fact... She took a deep breath, "I'm not pregnant," she said firmly, this is what she wanted to believe, and perhaps if she told herself that enough times it would become true. She did not know that Ryan was already aware of this fact.  
_I know..._ he smiled, _But maybe I can make it happen...  
_He turned her around to push her against the wall and then did what Ryan Kuhn does best.  
Alyx screamed at last as he began to roughly take her. His finger tips clawed into her, making the cuts that had finally begun to heal open again, she bled down the wall, water mixing with it, sliding down her body. This was not just reclaiming her; this was a punishment for leaving him, for being a whore and going with those men, for flirting with this young male doctor. She felt so good, with her wet, slippery skin, her screams sounded wonderful. He'd missed her... Every wound that had sealed bled again at his enthusiasm, he held her breasts tightly as he quickly began to reach climax, heaving her body towards him as he struggled to hold her. He leant his face close to her neck and smiled as he licked her ear, he let out a deep, heavy sigh "Conceive, you bitch, conceive for me..."  
"NO!" she screamed in protest as he finished with her.  
Ryan vanished as she slid down the tiles, down the wall and hit the floor of the shower hard. She reached her arm up as she fell, and smacked the emergency alarm. Blood spilled from her and travelled down the drain as she slipped into darkness.  
The door opened and a nurse stepped in, she opened the shower curtain to see the naked, bleeding creature lying in the stream of cold water. She called for more assistance.  
When Matthew entered the room he went straight to her, "Alyx? It's Matthew, can you hear me, Alyx?" her eyelids opened briefly, blood dripped from the corner of her mouth, "What happened?"  
Alyx swallowed and struggled for breath, "... R... Ryan..." she blacked out.  
Matthew scanned the room as Alyx was taken away on a stretcher, the room had been locked, no windows... and then he spotted the razor, it was broken into several pieces, the blades exposed and covered in blood.

Alyx emerged from the ensuite holding something, her body was bandaged and she dragged an IV drip behind her, "How long does it take?"  
"Two minutes," Matthew answered.  
She looked at what was in her hand and then passed it to him, "I can't... I can't look at it, tell me what it says,"  
Matthew took the pregnancy test from her and watched as she paced the room back and forth restlessly, "Do you want to talk about what happened?"  
"I didn't do this to myself!"  
"There's no other explanation, you were in a locked room. Alyx, there's no shame in admitting self inflicted injury, no one would judge you in the circumstances,"  
"Self inflicted injury? Are you having a fucking laugh? Oh yes, I do so miss the feeling of being cut up, I must fill this gap," she said sarcastically with spite, "Get real! Besides, if I'm supposed to have done this to myself then what about the rest?"  
There was no denying that fact, the investigations had revealed traces of semen after the incident... a match to that found on her after the rescue from the Asylum. There was no answer to it though... Matthew did not respond but looked again at the test in his fingers as the result began to appear, "What do you want it to say, Alyx? Now, don't just give me a 'no', I want you to think about this, a lot depends on your answer, think carefully, what do you want the result to be?"  
Alyx did think very carefully as she continued to pace the length of her room quickly, but still the same answer came, "I don't want this..." she sighed, "I really don't want this,"  
He looked at it again to be sure he'd read it right, then he said, "It's negative."  
"What?" she was stunned.  
"It's negative, you're not pregnant,"  
If she hadn't been hooked to the drip she would've leapt for joy and whooped at the result, but instead she simply smiled "Thank you, fucking God!"  
"It would appear that what you had was a phantom pregnancy,"  
"Oh Jesus," she laughed, "They couldn't have named that any more appropriately could they?" She cried with joy and kept laughing. Matthew didn't like the sound of that laughter though, it wasn't a healthy laugh.  
"Alyx, I think we need to discuss something now we have a conclusive result on that. I want you to be moved to a psychiatric hospital," She looked at him suspiciously, "It'll more secure and better able to monitor you, and if we can move you to a psychiatric intensive care unit we can continue to administer treatment for your wounds."  
"I'm not mad!"  
"It would be for your benefit. If you honestly feel that someone was able to get into that shower room, then I can promise you that no one will be able to get into a secure psychiatric hospital,"  
Alyx took a cigarette from the table and walked toward the open window as she lit it, "I know what he wants, Matthew," he took a pen from his pocket and began taking notes, what she said now might have to be used as evidence, "I figured it out, he wants to keep me here, or in any hospital, some place where I can be kept alive, that way he can do whatever he wants to me, safe in the knowledge that I can be fixed, mended and ready again for him when he wants me..."  
"You've mentioned before about how he makes you pay for receiving male attention, what about me Alyx? Does that include me?"  
"Yes, but he knows you're a doctor, a male doctor, he knows you can help me... And you keep your distance, you look but you don't touch and that's what's important... He wouldn't dare let a female doctor near me, not after Sasha," she laughed again, "How about that? 'Give me a whore' he said, 'I promise I won't hurt her', now he has exactly what he wants, a constant victim... One who wants him, one who fucking loves him, just like Sasha did," She laughed loudly now.  
Matthew watched her, and slowly revealed a page in the notes. He checked the wording while she was lost in laughter and thought, she wouldn't notice him signing it. He signed the section papers there and then.


	13. Isn't Italy A Funny Shape?

The journey was an uneventful one, although it would not have mattered if it were. She was heavily medicated for the journey, so much so that her bottom lip hung by the weight of the labret hoop and a line of saliva fell from it. Her eyes were glazed and her body swayed in motion with the ambulance.  
Her gaze was directed squarely at Dr Harris who'd insisted on making the journey to the psychiatric intensive care unit with her  
It was an uncomfortable silence between them. They hadn't spoken since embarking on this journey. Alyx bit her lip and tugged at the sleeves of her hoodie. Matthew had said it wasn't necessary to get dressed, but Alyx had insisted on setting an immediate Goth standard if she were going to be sectioned.  
The swaying motion was making her feel slightly sick with the sedative, so Alyx decided to break the icy silence between her and the young doctor who had become her protector, "Don't you think Italy's a funny shape?"  
Matthew looked up at her with a look that basically said 'What the fuck?'  
"Italy, mate? Isn't it a funny shape? Like a stiletto boot! Why's that then?"  
He laughed a little and shrugged his shoulders, "I suppose it is a funny shape, I'd never thought about it before. Have you ever been there?"  
"No... I was just curious..." she closed her eyes and leant back.  
"Do you want to go over anything before we arrive?" Matthew asked her.  
"Yes, why am I going there again?"  
"Like I said, it's just a precaution. I won't lie Alyx, I want you to be monitored and under observation in case your mental state deteriorates,"  
"I don't remember agreeing to this… I'm fine, I'm peachy, couldn't be bloody better…" She breathed in deeply, trying to regain a normal perspective and not this horrible drugged stupor, how people became addicted to heroin if what it does to you felt anything like this she couldn't fathom. She rubbed her face, finally realising that she'd been dribbling and wiped it away with the sleeve of her hoodie "… Oh man, he's gonna go spare…"  
Matthew pushed his glasses up as he looked at her with a questioning glance, "Who?"  
"Ryan," she responded, "He's gonna go fucking spare!"  
"Why's that? If you're right, then wouldn't he be concerned for your wellbeing, wouldn't he want you to be somewhere like this?"  
"He'll probably cotton on to that eventually, but right now I can just imagine it, he's thinking I've run away again; and not only have I run away, but I ran off with you!"  
"So, if he comes back, what will happen? Tell me what's on your mind,"  
"Oh, he'll find me Matt, I guarantee it, and when he does, he is gonna make me pay!" She smiled a little, "Maybe he'll come for you too this time,"  
He didn't know what it was, but there was something about the way she'd said that which made Matthew shudder, like she meant what she said.  
  
The PICU was an old Victorian building, with barred windows and dark wooden doors. Alyx smiled as she got out of the ambulance, this was better, much more like Borehamwood. The nurses greeted Alyx and Matthew but she was in no mood for them and proceeded simply to light the cigarette she'd been saving.  
"Excuse me," A voice interjected, it came from an older woman whose name badge identified her as a staff nurse by the name of Steph, "There's a 'no smoking policy’ on the grounds,"  
Alyx gave her a hard look but continued smoking, "Oh fuck off, I've only just met you and already I hate your guts!"  
A younger nurse in the background sniggered, unable to hold back. Matthew however, was not impressed and it was clear in his eyes, although Alyx was not looking at him. He stepped forward, apologising for her behaviour and asked if he might talk to the primary nurse for a moment. He turned to Alyx, "Do me a favour, go and smoke on that bench over there. I'll be back in a moment,"  
"Whatever," Alyx said simply in response as she turned and walked to the bench by the very high wall that encircled the hospital, noticing that the gates were still open for the time being.  
_I could just leg it,_ she suddenly realised, _I could run away... but where would I go? I don't even know where I am... Oh God, my head..._ It pounded incessantly. Lack of fluids probably.  
She placed her iPod on her lap and continued the shuffle, this time her ears were greeted with the electronic dark synth of Nursery Rhymes, Circle of Pain, a great song in her opinion with lovely lyrics, but like all good songs it ended much too quickly, so she repeated it, the first time because it was simply a good tune, the second time she pushed repeat because of her sudden realisation of the lyrics and the tone of voice used by the vocalist. She shuddered at the threat within the chorus, hearing Ryan's harsh voice speaking them instead of the singer's. She looked towards the open gate as she pressed the pause button, _If you leave, if you went back to the Asylum, then he won't have a reason to hurt you, you'll have gone back to him. He won't punish you if you go back._  
"Alyx,"  
_You can go back to the flat first, grab some supplies, and take them with you._  
"Alyx?"  
_Get the secret stash of weed from under the bed, a few packs of cigarettes, water and munchies. Sorted! He can come in your mouth all he wants if he's not gonna smack you up._  
"Alyx?"  
_Bugger me, mate, why are you waiting? Yeah, you can let him do that to you again as well…_  
"Can you hear me?" Matthew asked.  
Alyx suddenly lifted her head and saw that everyone was looking at her; she shook her head, "Sorry, I was miles away, what's happening?"  
"We're going inside now,"  
"Cool beans!" she chirped, finishing her cigarette quickly and getting up, "Let's go then,"  
As she strode past confidently, being led by two nurses Matthew stood back and pondered what had happened. This was not the first time he'd spotted that she wasn't responding to her name. He decided he wouldn't raise the issue yet though, it could just be a fluke.  
  
The next hour or so was spent in a room too small for so many people which made it uncomfortably warm. Introductions were made but Alyx barely took any notice. They asked her too many questions about her background and the circumstances leading up to her admission here, and she still had a headache –a side effect from the sedative earlier- so didn't feel up to answering all of them. Matthew answered the questions he was able to for her; he sat in the chair beside the young girl but always kept his distance, as did the others in the room. He had already explained to them the rule on female nurses only by phone after he'd signed the section papers for Alyx to be brought here.  
The matron of the unit explained a few things, that this was to be considered a detox programme for the time being, no medications were going to be administered unnecessarily because for now there was no evidence of serious mental health issues and this was to be thought of as an observation period.  
It was during this time that the matron explained that several attempts had been made to contact Alyx's next of kin, but none were found. This was unsurprising though, her mother was frequently out these days with no means of contact. Her mother had not yet been informed of any of the incidents simply because no one was able to locate her. Alyx felt relieved in this knowledge, the last thing she needed was for her mum to come playing the 'devoted mother card' only to tell her that it was probably Alyx's own fault anyway for being raped with all the goth makeup and short skirts she wore.  
A few of Alyx's belongings had been brought to the hospital for her, simple things like clothing and toiletries.  
"You went to the flat?" She asked the young lady who'd introduced herself as a care coordinator. They nodded in response, "How's Kelly?" she asked with some spite.  
The room went deathly silent, as if no one knew how to answer. It was a terribly uncomfortable silence, made even more so by the way Alyx's eyes now scanned everyone's in the room, "What's happened?" she turned to Matthew, "Matt? What's happened?"  
He took a deep breath, "Alyx, I was going to tell you, but not until you were settled here," She felt the hairs on her arms stand up.  
"She's dead isn't she?" she asked although she knew it already. Matthew simply nodded. Alyx placed her head in her hands but didn't cry.  
"It happened three days ago, I'm very sorry,"  
"Three days?" she asked. It suddenly hit her hard; the same day he had come for her, "Oh God… So that's how he found me. She knew where I was. He went to her to find me…" then something else occurred to her, "Oh God! Matt, was she raped as well?"  
Matthew rubbed his eyes under his glasses, "Alyx, I think we should discuss this another time,"  
"Please mate, don't do this to me, tell me now, was she raped? Was she cut up like me? Was it worse than what he did to Darren?"  
To lie to her wouldn't be advantageous, so he asked the rest of the people to leave while he spoke to her. They left and Matthew shut the door, "You want the truth? Yes, she was raped before she was killed."  
Alyx inhaled deeply, "Then this is good news. Don't you see Matt? This means I'm not mad! And I can prove it now! If she was raped and killed three days ago, I bet you could match the times! I bet she died right before I was raped in the shower at the hospital, right? A guy can't be in two places at once, can he? How was she killed?"  
"Her neck was broken," It was the truth; he had read the report... Although in his opinion, it could easily have been that the culprit had pushed his thumbs so hard into her eyes that her brain had been damaged that was responsible for her death. The flat had been covered in bloody handprints... only Kelly's... Her body had been almost unrecognisable, only identified using dental x-rays.  
"There! You see? He tortured her, got her to tell him where I was, then he fucked her, and then he kill- Oh my God, he fucked her! And then he fucked _me_! Eugh! Oh Jesus that's nasty, Kelly was a slut! And not only was she a slut, but you can have this for nothing, she was shit in bed! No wonder he came looking for me afterwards!"  
"Alyx, I think you're losing sight of the issue here,"  
"What? That she's dead? Fuck her man; it's because of her that I'm here now! She's the one who got me into this, and she's going to get me the fuck out of it now!" Matthew said nothing; Alyx looked at him but now began panicking, "Matt? You don't think… my mum?"  
"Don't jump to conclusions-"  
"I'm not safe here Matt, he'll find me!"  
"Alyx,"  
"Mate, it's only a matter of time," she grabbed her bag.  
"Alyx!"  
"I want to go back to Borehamwood; I need to go back there!"  
"He can't possibly find you!" Matthew cried. Alyx gazed at him, what had he meant by that? Was he acknowledging it? He composed himself quickly after realising what he'd said, "Alyx, what I mean is that if you're right about this, then no one else knows where you are, he won't be able to find you,"  
"No, I'm not safe here," she made for the door but was stopped by Matthew, he grabbed her wrist firmly.  
The two of them looked at one another in complete shock. This shouldn't have happened, he hadn't intended to restrain her or touch her at all; not now, not so soon. She quickly shook him off and backed away, "Don't touch me!" Fear struck her voice and she looked around for some unseen threat. Matthew tried to close the distance but she backed away still, "I mean it Matt, if you value your life, don't come any closer!"  
"Is that a threat?"  
"No, it's a warning! If he finds out..."  
"Even if you're right about him, he's not here now, he can't find out,"  
"Oh, that's what you think!"  
"Don't make me use a sedative on you,"  
"Please mate, don't give me that shit again, it hurts like buggery and believe me I know how much that hurts,"  
Matthew thought quickly, for he knew he had little time to act, he grabbed one of the chairs and forced it to the door, under the handle to prevent anyone from getting in and Alyx getting out. Her eyes went wide.  
"Now, listen to me. I'll make a deal with you Alyx; I want you to stay in this hospital, but I want you to remain drug free while you're here. Don't argue," he interrupted her as she opened her mouth to object, "You'll be here for twenty eight days at least, I will be here every one of those twenty eight for you, but you have to help me here. Now, hear me out, if you stay here, if you keep yourself safe, if you behave I might be able to get you out sooner. If however, there is any indication in that time that you are being attacked by something intangible, something that can get through walls-"  
"His name is Ryan, and I'll thank you to remember that fact for when he claws you to pieces, Matt!"  
"If he is following you, then you will have all the proof you need. Although what exactly anyone would be able to do for you if he is, then God only knows,"  
"You're saying that if I'm attacked here in this place, then you'll believe me?"  
"If so much as a hair on your head is touched, I will know about it, I promise,"  
Alyx sat back in the chair, she desperately wanted to believe him, but all she could think to say was, "You sound just like him."  
  
She was shown to her room after that. A nurse would be along shortly to sit outside her room all night as a precaution. That didn't sound like much fun; the nurses she'd met so far had the personalities of wet dishcloths.  
She lay on her bed with her headphones on and put the iPod on shuffle which greeted her with the sound of Cradle of Filth's 'Born in a Burial Gown'. After thirty seconds she had to skip it though, Dani Filth's vocals were simply too much like Ryan's manic screams. Rammstein was a much better choice right now. But something else could be heard over the industrial metal, laughter. She took her earphones and listened... then she smelt it... tobacco smoke. There were two of them outside her room, nurses obviously, she could tell from the conversation, something about not being able to wait to get out of here and how another patient wasn't accepting their medication.  
Bloody nurses, smoking outside her window, _What a bunch of fags!_ She thought as they interrupted her listening to her music. She got up and went to the open window, ready to inform them in a snotty tone that there was a 'no smoking' policy on the grounds but stopped when she heard what they were saying.  
"So what's the story with this new one? The one who can't be around blokes?"  
"Well, the long and short of it is, she's a cutter,"  
"Oh shit, not another one…"  
"It could be worse, could be an OCD,"  
"Oh don't even say that, you know what'll happen the next time we get a free bed now. So, she cuts herself? What happened?"  
"It's nasty stuff; she was held prisoner up at the old Borehamwood Asylum by some guy who raped and tortured her for four days. We tried to fill in a physical observation sheet, you know it's impossible to state all the injuries on her, there's too many."  
"Oh shit! Bad call. So why's she here then?"  
The female nurse laughed slightly as she spoke, "She believes her rapist was a ghost," a few badly concealed giggles came from outside, "Yeah, they think she's developed something akin to Stockholm and she's protecting him. That's why she's cutting herself too, to convince people that he's followed her and to fill the void in her life that he's left behind."  
"Fill the void? We should just get her a vibrator then if she needs the void filled," They both laughed loudly at that.  
Alyx shut her window loudly, grabbed her bag, "Fucking fuckers, fucking Stockholm fucking syndrome, fucking cutter, what the fuck do they know anyway?" Hatred coursed through her veins, how dare they speak like that about her, like she was some kind of crazy person who couldn't tell night from day, or dream from reality. She threw her bag at the wall in anger and would've screamed but it would only bring unwanted attention. She kicked the bed before sitting back down on it but regretted it as soon as she had. It hurt so badly, why exactly does stubbing your toes hurt more than anything else... except maybe buggery, "Jesus Christ, Ryan, where are you when I fucking need you?"  
_Just wait it out, he'll come. You know he'll come… Just stay, play their little games, abide their little rules, be a good girl. Take your time, if he doesn't come, they'll let you go if you behave yourself then you can go back to Borehamwood, and if he does then you'll have proof…_


	14. God Is Not Here Today

A month passed, a month of sobriety… It damn near killed her, or so it seemed. It had been ages since she’d been this dry. But other than being a tad tetchy at times, she felt fine and knew deep down that the detox would do her some good at least.  
Alyx spent a lot of time in her room listening to music which became a lot easier once she wasn’t under high observation anymore. The nurses seemed to catch on quite quickly that listening to music was a good deterrent for her and that she valued it too much to try asphyxiating herself with the headphones. Observations were dropped from constant to every fifteen minutes.  
She kept herself to herself mostly, feeling out of place amongst the lost souls who would often wander the corridors aimlessly back and forth. Occasionally, when she went out to the smoking area she would talk to an elderly female patient who had told her their name once but Alyx had forgotten it and felt too ashamed to ask her again, even though the old girl kept calling her Sue. She was an amusing thing really, convinced that she was the Queen –but her name was not Elizabeth, strangely- and really shouldn’t be in this place referring to it as ‘mad as a box of frogs’. The nurses were all swine in her opinion and she would see to it one day that they were all taken to the Tower of London charged with treason. Alyx was happy to go along with this and even referred to the old dear with her fake jewellery, shabby clothing and a very unattractive fabric bag which had seen better days as Your Majesty when speaking to her. Her Majesty looked quite fondly on the young girl with her piercings and black clothing and many lacerations, “One shall make you a Lady when we’re out of here my dear Sue, and if anyone gives you any trouble, you just let old Queenie know and One will have them chopped up good and proper,” Old Queenie was the only thing in this place that made her smile; her and Matthew.

She wandered round occasionally, keeping to the female only areas of the wards to familiarise herself with the layout, but always under the observation of a nurse. The building was old, but had been renovated in the last decade. In fact it had once been a hospital for the soldiers of WWI fighting on the front who had returned suffering with acute shell shock and so had retained a lot of the tell tale signs of its heritage; a few portraits of King George V hung in the corridors, and several extracts from Wilfred Owen’s poetry were etched into gold plated plagues in the corridors.  
Peering through a small window on a set of coded double doors which led into a locked corridor, Alyx noticed several large, metal doors beyond. The corridor on the other side of the door was dark, and every now and then a scream echoed from within. When she finally gained the courage to ask what was down there, one nurse had revealed that it held the hospitals more ‘disruptive’ service users… oh how she hated that term, call a spade a spade for God’s sake. But that corridor gave her a nervous edge, especially when Queenie had taken a turn for the worse and was dragged kicking and screaming down there one night. She returned a week later, back to her old self but completely unaware of why she’d been taken to that horrible place. She’d forgotten how she’d lashed out at a nurse in a state of extreme rage.  
They called it the Blake Ward, after the Romantic poet William Blake. Alyx remembered studying his work in college, he wrote such classics as Tiger, Tiger and Jerusalem. It seemed an odd name to give a ward on a psychiatric unit Alyx thought, especially considering how Blake was –in his lifetime- considered quite mad.

“So tell me, my dear,” Queenie asked one afternoon as they sat together smoking, “Why have you ended up in a place like this?”  
Alyx took a deep breath, a bit unsure if she should tell her the truth, but she had no one else to talk to about it who wasn’t a professional, besides Queenie had held no qualms about telling the young girl all about her troubled upbringing which heavily involved an uncle who had become a little too close for comfort in her teenage years, “You’re going to think this is well bizarre, even for a place like this Your Majesty, but… I was raped… by a ghost…”  
Queenie passed a knowing glance in Alyx’s direction as she took a long puff on her cigarette, nodding as she did, “I see, and no one believes that the demon still haunts you, yes?” Alyx looked up into Queenie’s old, yellowing eyes in shock for a moment. Queenie smiled, “Don’t think that just because you’re here means that One wouldn’t believe you, Sue. The demons lurk everywhere, and they enjoy the sins of the flesh just as much as anyone else, as you well know.” She took another puff and handed Alyx her box of cigarettes to offer her one as she often did, “Was he a nasty fucker?”  
Alyx nearly choked in laughter at the sudden use of profanity that did not usually come from the old dear, “I suppose so,” she coughed, “In more ways than one,” she gestured to the healing cuts on her cheek.  
Queenie opened her large bag and began searching for something with the cigarette hanging from her mouth, “Ah, here we go, my love.” As she removed her hand from the grubby bag, she held a black beaded rosary, “Take this Sue, wear it at all times, and when that nasty fucker shows up again, you tell him to fuck off!”  
It seemed a bit wrong to take a rosary from a sick old woman, but Queenie was always so insistent on such matters, so she took it with a simple thanks.

Awaking with a start, she bit her thumb hard. The scream that followed was partly due to the pain, but mostly a result of the dream she’d had. Always the same dream, every night, a different scenario maybe but still the same in which he had found her. Even now she could hear him laugh, feel his touch as he dug his claws into her flesh, the taste of his lips against hers. She had woken just before he had attempted to...  
As she grounded herself, holding tightly to the thin bed sheets and panting heavily she realised for the first time that she’d been sucking her thumb. Alyx had in fact bitten it so hard that it had begun to bleed and it throbbed painfully. She recalled sucking her thumb as a child; but was this a comfort reaction now or was it symbolic of something else that she’d dreamt of? The thought made her queasy and the taste of vomit was already in her mouth.  
“Alyx? Are you alright?” The nurse asked as she entered the room. It was common practise to have a nurse stationed outside a bedroom as the patient slept, especially those with insomnia or night terrors. The light in the room was already on for Alyx no longer slept in the dark, for obvious reasons.  
Alyx didn’t hear her name spoken, but answered anyway, “I’m fine, just... just a nightmare,” she said, hiding her bleeding thumb under the sheet.  
“Another one?” the nurse asked, “Do you want to talk about it?”  
“... No. I’m fine thanks.”  
“How about a cup of water then or something to calm you down?”  
Alyx glanced at her sideboard which was firmly screwed to the wall and floor as was the bed for safety reasons, there was still a plastic cup there, “I’ve got some thanks. I’m cool, really. Just need a moment alone.”  
The nurse nodded, but Alyx noticed the quick check of the room the she made before turning to leave. She would undoubtedly go straight to the nearest computer to type up this ‘incident’. This infuriated her, it always did. What was the point of it? _So you’ve had a nightmare, big deal, what does she want a fucking medal? _She picked up the cup and downed the last bit of water, _You know, you could just _give_ them something to write about, you could cut yourself... remember, like you used to? Felt good didn’t it?_ Defiantly, she placed the cup back, “No, mate, fuck that... Not again, not ever again. You’re not that messed up that you’re gonna head down that road again.” She whispered.  
She threw her feet out of bed and placed them into her Hello Kitty slippers, once again thankful that the care coordinator had brought them and a decent set of pyjamas to the hospital for her. She walked to the mirror and glanced at the now dark brown scabs that decorated her face before turning her attention to the calendar. It was then that she remembered what day it was; tomorrow she would be having a consultation with Matthew about her progress and potential discharge. Perhaps she could even get out of here soon; and then back to... back to... Did she want to go back? A month without him had had a profound effect on her, even though he still haunted her dreams.  
A sudden rush of nausea made her hold the wall for support and she looked in the mirror again, “My name is Alyx,” she reminded herself quickly as she’d been instructed by Matthew whenever she felt this way, “My name is Alyx... Oh Ryan... Ryan... Ryan. Where are you?” she asked although she didn’t know why she asked it, her free hand pressed against her stomach hard in recollection of the last thing he’d said to her; what were his motives in that? It didn’t feel right; nothing had felt right since that moment Dr Harris had revealed the results of her second pregnancy test.  
Ryan wasn’t here, for some reason he hadn’t followed her; had he just not been able to find her or was it more than that? Had it been like they’d said, that it wasn’t really Ryan, just a regular guy? No, that couldn’t be, not since the incident in the shower. He was there; he was as she’d remembered. There was no doubt in her mind. So if she couldn’t run from him, what was she supposed to do?  
No matter though, tomorrow she would turn a point in her life, then she would be able to make a valid decision.

“How do you feel your progress has been?” Matthew asked her. They sat together in a small room away from the ward.  
“Well, what can I say? I feel okay generally,”  
“You’ve made remarkable progress, Alyx, no one is prouder than me,” She smiled a little and blushed at the compliment, “We may even be looking at an early discharge,” he commented as he made several notes in her records, then he looked at her seriously, “So tell me, how do you feel about going home?”  
Alyx shrugged her shoulders and played with her labret hoop with her tongue lightly, “A bit worried, but it’ll be good to return to normality I guess. I think I’d like to see Gary Numan in concert when I get out,” she smiled.  
Matthew returned the smile and shifted his glasses up his nose, “Good choice. What about the nightmares?”  
She shrugged again, “Still having them, but not as bad as before,” she lied. In contrast the nightmares had become more graphic and realistic in their content but she dare not mention it in case it hindered her now.  
“That’s good news. But there’s still one thing we need to get past,”  
Alyx had been given her a diary a few weeks ago, a journal she could keep her secret thoughts in that Matthew encouraged her to read from when they were in session together. She’d written lyrics to songs she knew in there often and when asked to explain their significance it was usually a way to explain her own emotions but also a way of rationalising Ryan to herself: why he had done this, why he still haunted the Asylum, just the simple answers to his very nature and existence. The first page had always worried Matthew though; written in very large, sprawled letters Alyx had simply written, ‘MY NAME IS ALYX. INTO THE ABYSS WILL I RUN’.  
“My current concern is in the event of you distancing yourself too much from this, so much so that you don’t acknowledge yourself in it,” Alyx wasn’t sure what he meant by this and the look on her face must’ve given this away, “It has been known for people to ‘decide’ that a traumatic event didn’t happen to them, and so they can... forget. The worry though is that some people can forget themselves entirely, not respond to their name or similar things like that. In order to combat this, we need to discuss contact.” He leant a little closer; Alyx no longer leant back as she used to which he was pleased about, “I told you once that the reason I’m here is to prevent you from distancing yourself from the male gender. If you truly want to fight this Alyx, then we should move onto physical contact.”  
“What the fu- Why?”  
“Let’s call it closure. Nothing major, just a simple touching of hands and no more to bridge the gap, How do you feel about that?”  
She shifted uncomfortably in her seat, “I think you’re talking out your arse, personally,”  
“What’s worrying you about it?” Her eyes darted about the room in an unsettling way before she tried to speak, but the words just wouldn’t come, “He’s not here Alyx, he can’t possibly be here. Ghosts don’t exist, and even if they did they can’t hurt us,”  
“That’s your opinion, and to be honest mate it’s a bullshit opinion,”  
“You don’t want him to win do you?” she shook her head and Matthew cautiously extended his hand to her, “Then trust me.”  
It was a delicate moment, he knew that and he would have to watch her closely to make sure she didn’t react negatively. The worst case scenarios would be if she cut herself as punishment or washed her hand afterwards. All too often had rape victims turned to self harm or obsessive compulsive behaviour to relieve their anxieties.  
“Don’t make me do this, Matt, please,”  
Matthew didn’t answer but left his hand suspended in the air waiting for her to take the first step towards recovery. Alyx gripped the front of her hoodie where the rosary hung behind the fabric, _Dear God, give me strength…_ she prayed.  
She gulped and licked her lips as her fingers flexed back and forth; she could already feel a cold sweat breaking on her forehead as her eyes fixed on Matt’s hand. Alyx closed her eyes and quickly reached her hand to his and grasped it tightly as a grimace came to her face.  
Nothing happened. She gingerly opened one of her eyes and looked around, Matthew was smiling, “There you see?” She almost smiled in disbelief and nearly began to laugh, but something stopped her: a cold shiver ran down her spine making the hairs on the back of her neck stand up as an angry, dark vibe descended upon her.  
The halogen light above them flickered angrily. Alyx backed herself away, eyes wide in hysteria, her bottom lip trembled.  
Matthew rose to his feet, looking at the bulb. It flashed in rhythm like an enraged heartbeat until with an ear piercing cry the bulb exploded, plunging the room into total darkness as the embers of it descended to the ground like the dying fall of a firework.  
Alyx screamed at the pitch blackness of the room. There were no windows, the door now out of sight. She was trapped... but there was something else... a tingling in her ears, in her head, a scratching sensation which made her cover her ears as that all too familiar sound entered her mind again.  
It was then that she heard Matthew cry out in the dark. His head impacted with the wall several times in succession and a sickening crack was heard before his body fell with his full weight to the floor.  
Alyx spun round in terror, calling out Matthew’s name although knowing full well that he wouldn’t answer her. The dark surrounded her, and she extended her arms in the hope of feeling the rough material of the straitjacket.  
But she felt nothing, “Where are you? Where the fuck are you?!” She reached into her hoodie and took hold of the rosary again.  
The time for prayer had gone for mercy had clearly left her stranded. A hand grabbed her throat and lifted off her feet, forcing her to the wall hard. She tried to fight him off but her fists and legs met nothing... nothing!  
She couldn’t see him, couldn’t feel him, what was wrong with her? This wouldn’t do at all. He spied the rosary hanging from her neck, and growled at her furiously, _God is not here today you cunt!_ He yelled as he tore it from her, scratching the soft skin deeply. The black beads dangled from his fingers as he clenched them into a fist and brought it hard upon her face, squeezing her neck even more tightly.  
_You fucking whore, I searched endlessly and _this_ is how I find you. In the arms of another! You fucking bitch! I should skin you, I should cut you up, I should remove your eyes and fuck the empty sockets!  
_Alyx choked and spluttered as his grip intensified. The ghoul’s attention now turned back to the young man who lay unconscious but not dead across the room, _No, I know what you want, and seeing as you like this young man so much, I should skin _him_ and wear his skin and then fuck you, would you like that? Yes?_ He dropped her and walked over to the young doctor who in Ryan’s opinion had gotten too big for his boots, who did this poxy swine think he was anyway?  
“Ry.. Ry... Oh G- Ryan! No!” Alyx struggled to speak as she refilled her lungs with oxygen.  
He picked the limp body from the ground by the scruff of his shirt, reached his arm across and took Matthew’s jaw in his grasp, intent of snapping the neck in two but just before he did Alyx screamed.  
“They’ll take me away again!!!” Ryan stopped and looked at her, exhaling a deep, angry breath like a low growl, “I didn’t want to leave you! I never wanted to leave! They made me go! They took me away!” she cried, as she finally had a chance to explain to him how it had felt to be torn away from him, the sentences came quick and short between sobs as she searched the room for him, “If you kill him, they’ll think I did it. They’ll take me away, they’ll move me somewhere else! And you won’t be able to find me! Please Ryan, please don’t kill him!” She found the wall and her eyes slowly began to adjust to the dark, but she couldn’t find Ryan and in the dark that was all she wanted to find, the one constant thing in the dark. She started to move along the wall still talking as she went. Ryan listened, “Leave him and they’ll keep me here. They’ll probably lock me up. I don’t know. They’ll probably keep me here, but please, please leave him...” Tears fell from her eyes uncontrollably from fear of the dark and from want for what the dark held in its claustrophobic blackness. Finally she fell back to her knees in defeat and began instead to crawl across the hard, dark wooden floor, “I don’t want to lose you again...”  
He considered this for a moment, her argument made sense. He dropped Matthew to the floor and turned instead to face Alyx straight on. She scrambled about on the floor blindly in the darkness. His eyes being perfectly adjusted to the dark saw her’s once again; those delicious blue orbs surrounded by blood red veins. Those same blue eyes which now could not fix upon him, could not place his location. She sobbed and stretched out her arms to search for him which made her look pitiful and weak, just like all women were to him.  
He would make her pay for her infidelity... but not now...  
The door burst open and the nurses entered. Syringe in hand.

Light flashed above her like some obscene rising and setting of many suns. She forced her eyes open and beheld something most peculiar. The walls were moving, very quickly, very quickly indeed but why were the walls moving at all? No, no the walls weren’t moving; she was moving, but what was going on? She rose her head as she realised she was on a stretcher being pushed quickly along the corridor by several nurses who chattered incomprehensibly about many things; something about an ambulance, something about patients escaping –this was the first time she’d heard a nurse refer to them as patients, had it not been for seriousness of her predicament she would’ve laughed- while the electricity had been out. She was drugged, she could tell, she remembered this feeling, the feeling of struggling to even speak but she managed to force those few words out, “Where are you taking me? What happened? What’s going on?” They didn’t even look at her, just continued pushing her down the corridor.  
“Put her on Blake Ward, any room, whichever room is free, just put her on Blake!”  
There was no time to argue. They barged through the electrical doors onto Blake Ward which had shorted out with the rest of the electricity in the building and headed straight to room 11. Upon entering, two nurses lifted her sedated body from the stretcher and placed her roughly on the bed before leaving. Alyx pushed herself up, yelling at them not to leave her in this place; she stumbled towards the door which closed and was locked from the outside. She pounded her fists upon the hard metal door which was several inches thick, “Don’t leave me in here, for the love of God, you can’t leave me!” She banged with all her might which was rapidly decreasing with the intensity of the sedative they’d injected her with which made her head pound incessantly with a heavy blood flow. Despite the din that she was creating, she heard him, heard his heavy breathing. Alyx turned round slowly, eyes wide in fear.  
_Now_ she could see him, now she could see exactly what kind of look he was giving her. He wasn’t smiling. This wasn’t a game. He was angry, pure and simple. Even more so than when she’d told him she didn’t love him back at the Asylum. She cried out for help and beat her fists against the door again, but no one was coming, and with her back turned to him Ryan now smiled as he advanced.  
His reaction was instinctual, he had no control over the stirring in his loins as he watched her frantically begin to claw at the door in horror and scream endlessly... but then this was nothing new, he’d never had any control over the reaction this stimulus gave him.  
_I can forgive this little mishap, _she didn’t hear him, not over the sounds of her own screaming, _But only if you will accept punishment. There are consequences to all actions. I know the type of things you love sweetheart, but I also know you well enough to know what you hate,_ oh yes, she had screamed and squirmed in the past when he’d taken her in certain ways, when he’d forced her to do unmentionable things... painful, agonising acts involving ‘unconventional’ methods of penetration, _God can’t hear you... He won’t help you... He’s abandoned you to me..._ No matter what force she used, or how loudly she screamed, she knew full well that she was now alone.  
_So it would seem that there _are_ benefits to being locked in a psychiatric institution,_ he grabbed her, _For when you scream in a place like this... No one comes..._ He tore her back. Her fingers clawed at the door enough to wrench several of her fingernails away from the flesh, leaving bloodied lines across the wall. The room once again plunged into absolute darkness.


	15. I Knew You Loved Me Then

He didn’t lie about it; he’d never lied about much in his life... except maybe his whereabouts when he’d been questioned by certain people.  
_No officer, I was home the whole night. _He smirked still at this memory. How easily fooled everyone was, he doubted anyone would’ve caught him. So what on Earth had possessed him to turn himself in? He couldn’t remember anymore.  
But punishment was punishment in his opinion. She deserved everything he did, every punch of his fist, every cut from his bone-tipped fingers, every bite and every thrust of his hips.  
No sanctuary, no relief... just constant agony. No one came, just as he’d predicted, for who would want to? No one would come until she stopped screaming, not until she was a ‘good girl’ and shut up finally. So he took advantage of the time while he had it, while she still had strength enough to fight back.

Ryan knew exactly what he wanted out of this, he wanted her to be scared of him. Enough to show her who was in control, who she belonged to... and what better way to show a whore who she belonged to...  
_That’s right, you little cunt, you want this?_ On all fours, face down, clawing at the lino on the floor, _You want what a whore would crave?_ He positioned himself, _Not today, sweetheart..._ He shifted slightly, his true intention clear.  
She hated this, he could tell. He’d noticed that the first time... perhaps the little slut had never... Not surprising really, not many had.  
But he loved it... he didn’t get many opportunities to indulge himself so deeply... but it was oh, so good...  
She belonged to him, she was his, _his, his!_ And he would prove it to her and all others.  
_Keep screaming, that’s it... Yes, yes..._ Just like the girl in the glass house. What lovely screams she’d had, such a shame she was taken from him... but that didn’t matter now. He had this one back, his little fighter... who threw herself wildly in protest as he forced himself deeper.  
He didn’t lie... He’d never lied about much in his life and this was no exception. She would pay, with her blood, with her screams. He would punish her for as long as it took, for he of course would not tire and would not suffer fatigue.

When the nurses finally entered the room, they were met with a most ghastly sight. Alyx’s body was curled up tightly in the middle of the floor, shaking, eyes wide, surrounded by blood which spilled from her mouth, her body... even between her legs and covered the walls of the tiny room almost completely in crimson. It had taken them twenty-three hours to open the door for Ryan destroyed the lock, twenty-three hours of Ryan’s punishment lay at their feet; but all they saw was another ‘cutter’.  
As she was removed from the room to treat her wounds, she muttered quietly to herself through chattering teeth, “No, Ryan... Please... Not like that...”  
“Come on, Alyx, let’s get these cuts cleaned up,” they said as they led her,  
“... Not like that... Please...”  
The nurses looked at one another, disturbed by the words that came from her, and the way she sheepishly followed them without resistance, staring into nothing ahead of her. One of them quickly frisked her arms and legs to make sure the ‘blade’ she had used wasn’t still on her then said to the other nurse, “We’ll check the room later, she’s probably hidden it in the bed,”  
“Not there... Not there... Not like that...”  
Tears streamed down her face, mixing with the blood. Her steps were small and carefully placed, her fingers clenched as they led her to get cleaned and redressed.

She didn’t respond to any stimulus, answered no questions, for what would be the point?  
“Alexandra, do you understand what’s happened?”  
Silence.  
“Alexandra? Why did you do it?”  
Blood tinted saliva began to dribble from her lip.  
“Alexandra, Dr Harris is in hospital with severe injuries. Why did you do it?”  
“No, Ryan... Not like that...”

No blade was found, and none ever would be. No answers were given to explain the sudden outburst of violence she had shown, or the method of mutilation she had chosen for her own punishment afterwards.  
A set of mittens were taken from the restraints cupboard, firstly to cover her fingers where she’d managed to remove four of her fingernails –which had been found deeply embedded in the door of her cell- and secondly to prevent her trying to hurt herself again with what was left of her fingernails. Her fingers were taped and bound before being placed in the mittens which were white and made of a clinical looking, tough material. They were zipped, buckled and attached to one another, but Alyx barely noticed how tightly.  
Nurses bustled about around her in the clinic room as they prepared her medication which had been decided she should receive.  
The gloves were itchy, the gown was just as coarse. Alyx just wanted to lie down and fall asleep, but the investigations had not finished. She’d broken a toe but there was no way to set it, two fingers broken and a hairline fracture in a rib. Almost her entire body was dressed in bandages before she was given a large dose of a concoction that was prepared and then sat in a wheelchair and rolled back to cell eleven on Blake Ward.  
Alyx’s eyes fixed on the door as they got closer; she knew what lay within, and could only imagine what he planned to do to her now, surely it couldn’t be any worse than... what he’d done already.  
The door was hastily locked behind her without so much as a word. Alyx went to the wall, turned her back to it and slid to the ground, knees up with her hands placed in her lap waiting for his inevitable return. She didn’t have to wait long.  
He emerged from the shadows, crawling towards her with a look in his eyes she found hard to place, but that might’ve been the result of the medication.  
“Why are you doing this to me? Why?” She coughed, which startled Ryan who backed away somewhat from her unexpected movement. Blood appeared on her lips.  
No answer came from him, but that was expected, as was the way he moved closer, slid his hands up her legs to her knees and slowly began to spread them apart. It was then that Ryan noticed the restraints placed on her bandaged hands. He hadn’t seen any that looked like this before. He looked at her, at her eyelids which were struggling to stay completely open. He teased one of Alyx’s eyes open; the iris nearly disappeared as it rolled back, but she was conscious. Drugged, a psychotropic, he recognised the symptoms, so perhaps medicine had not moved on as much as he’d hoped.  
“Why do you still haunt me? What do you want from me?”  
He took her protected, bound hands in his and lifted them to inspect the material the restraint was made out of closer; he toyed with the small straps and buckles and looked at her weeping, red eyes again.  
“For God’s sake... Let me go, please let me go,”  
Ryan heard her words, but not the way she said them. Oh yes, the words were a plea, but not in the correct context. He nodded once, ‘understanding’ exactly what she wanted him to do. Besides, no one had any right to place her in restraints unless it was him personally, or if he was in that kind of mood which right now he was not.  
The material was no match; the stitching came apart with little resistance to him.  
Alyx could barely believe it as her hands came free from their confines and the mittens fell to the ground. She flexed her fingers which seeped blood through the tape already and Ryan placed his hands over them, _Silly creature, look what you’ve done to yourself, sweetheart._ He placed one hand flat against hers, _See how alike we are?  
_She was amazed and dumbstruck for words.  
He placed a cold finger under her chin and lifted her head a little to look at her, and all she could think to say was, “Thank you.” Her eyelids fluttered with sleep and Ryan smiled.  
He lifted her into his arms with some degree of tenderness and carried her to the bed. She tried to get up again but Ryan placed a finger on her lips to shush her and then ran the back of his fingers over her jaw line, down her neck and across her chest, never once taking his eyes off her face, _No need to be enthusiastic sweetheart, let me do the work..._ His eyes now followed his hand as it went further and came to rest on her lower abdomen, _Besides, you need to conserve your strength now..._ He smiled again.  
This little moment of closeness between them ended at that moment. Ryan always had his way, but even the rough techniques he used now were nothing close to the agony he’d put her through earlier. This was heavenly by comparison even though she still screamed in pain throughout, and so it was every time after that...

The injection hurt, it burned under the skin as the solution was pumped in and Alyx winced at this, but at least it only happened fortnightly now. “Christ Almighty, it still hurts like buggery,”  
“Don’t be melodramatic,” the nurse replied.  
Alyx looked up, “Well I already know two things about you then Steph, I know you’ve never been injected with this shit and I know that you’ve never been buggered either,” Steph chose to ignore the insult and walked away, “Can I go back?”  
“Just let us finish up here and we’ll take you,” The staff ratio had been increased to two in case she turned violent again. Another day for the nurses to change her bandages and place fresh ones over the new cuts that they _still_ were confounded by.  
Alyx sighed and began to push herself up from the wheelchair, “What are you doing?”  
“I’ll walk, thank you,”  
“That’s not appropriate,” Both nurses stepped forward.  
“I’m fine! I want to walk,”  
“No, Alyx, you can’t walk with that toe of yours,”  
Both of them pushed her by her shoulders to sit back down, “Get off me you fuckers! Don’t touch me!” Other nurses came, alerted to the scene by the yelling.  
Alyx pushed Steph away with some force, but not enough to cause what happened. Steph’s body was sent flying back to the wall and her head impacted on the first aid box which opened and released its contents on top of her. When she looked up, her face was covered in blood from a deep gash in her cheek. Everyone stepped back from the little girl in the wheelchair who was looking in Steph’s direction but not at Steph herself with eyes wide in terror. She turned back as she heard someone say “How the Hell?”  
“Th- There you see! I didn’t do that!” her eyes welled with tears as she saw how her words bounced off unreceiving ears, “I didn’t do it, how could I? You saw, you all saw!”  
The charge nurse gulped before whispering to the others, “Take her back, strap her down if you have to.”  
“Strap her down? She’s torn through three sets of restraints already!”  
“We’ve still got the leather straps,”  
“No!” Alyx exclaimed, as her gaze shifted back to what she could see that no one else could, she pushed herself into a comfortable position on the chair, “I’ll be good, I’ll be good. It’s fine, I’ll be good.”

So this was his plan. To keep her detained in a secure place she couldn’t possibly escape from, with medical facilities suitable enough to treat her, and keep her medicated enough to see him... To make her appear as dangerous as he could...

The turning of the lock and the sound of footsteps disappearing informed her that they had left. She saw him, reclining casually on her bed, chewing his finger tips again with a deceitful smile for he knew exactly what he’d done.  
If her mind had been clearer Alyx probably would’ve tried to argue with him, but she wasn’t anywhere close to having a clear mind, it had altered what she’d seen: the way he had very nearly gone for the kill but had stopped when he’d seen her looking at him.  
He rose from the bed and advanced slowly towards her, the clattering of the buckles on his strait jacket dragged metallically across the floor.  
Alyx then did a most unexpected thing in his opinion; she dropped to her knees as he approached and licked her lips. Her head level with his hip. Ryan chuckled at this display thinking how this must be his lucky day.  
Alyx’s reaction was not submission in her opinion, she had two reasons for obliging this favour. Firstly, he’d helped her today and other days when he’d removed any restraints on her; this was the only way she could think to thank him for his actions, however violent or for his own motives. Secondly, this was a decision to make the ordeal easier to endure, if she did this for him, perhaps he would not be tempted to fuck her tonight.  
He gripped her hair and with enough pressure to keep control of the situation, he eased his way into her mouth which welcomed him with its pretty labret hoop and stimulating tongue stud, _Oh God..._ he growled as he felt her lips encircle and her tongue massage him, much more frenzied than before, her movements were firmer and now as she flicked herself over and around him she looked up at the ghost she was pleasuring, taking some enjoyment in the way he admired her and became so obviously excited by her.  
Someone had done this to him before, he remembered... No, not the whores he had paid so handsomely for their services – although they were certainly very good with their mouths- there was someone else, someone who felt exactly like this, someone who would kneel on her knees and look up at him with big blue eyes and only now did he realise the similarities... that long, dark hair, those eyes, the colour of her pale skin... _Oh God..._ What was her name? Who was she? It was like she were here now, wanting more of him, just as she had back then...  
Ryan grabbed her hair only when he was nearly at his peak but instead of moving her head to consume him further, he pushed her head back... Not that he didn’t want her to continue with the act she was so eager to indulge him in, but because there was still something he wanted and he would not achieve the proper result if he came too soon and in her mouth.  
Alyx shook her hair from her eyes, gasping deep breaths; she’d always had problems breathing through her nose anyway so it took a lot of lung power to hold her breath for as long as this usually took on a regular man. With him still in reach, her tongue with titanium stud emerged from full open lips and began teasing the part she could still touch.  
_You little tease_, he giggled, _Ah! What a good girl you are... Ah! No more sweetheart, _he bent down on his haunches to her level, _If we’re going to do this, we’re doing this properly.  
_Alyx didn’t like the look he spied her with, a look that told her he had an idea, and his ideas were usually not what she would call fun. She backed away until her back hit the wall.  
_Dear God, if you can hear me... please don’t let him sodomise me... I know what you did to the Sodomites!_ She prayed.  
A flicker of his image and Ryan was gone momentarily, returning to view a second later, right in front of her. Alyx gulped.  
He reached his hands to the gown she wore and with only two tugs the garment was torn open, exposing her flesh, underwear and layers of bloody bandages. Flesh which he had marked and made his, she belonged to him now...  
Her lips trembled, teeth chattering loudly through both cold and fear. Ryan growled in that low way, his hands moved over her scarred and bandaged flesh and his rancid breath hit her face..._ How do you even breathe?_ She thought. The question was left unanswered, as had many other questions.  
At this crucial moment, a barrage of memories filled her mind. Her own memories; snap shots of childhood, happy and content, the good times; before the child began to grow and become aware of the selfishness and greed of others, of those closest to us. Teenage years; a mismatch of randomly placed events and people, some good, some bad, all wild. Previous sexual encounters in less than desirable locations with some less than desirable people, and although these were more recent, the memories were still snap shots like childhood where the narcotics had allowed her some recollection. And now, here was Ryan Kuhn... Who, of all people Alyx had ever known and was ever likely to know now, was the only one who had kept her. He’d even been searching for her; even her own mother had not come after her after she’d run away from home all those years ago. No one had ever come, and no one had ever stayed... Until now... Here before her now was the most consistent, devoted and loyal thing she had ever met, a creature who had _killed_ simply to find her... Right now, he was... perfect...  
Her head moved forward slightly.  
The hesitation only brief as she took a sharp breath and then firmly and with great passion, Alyx placed her lips to Ryan’s.  
He was taken aback, but not enough to not return her kiss with his own; a forceful and controlling kiss, pressing his tongue into hers as she licked his lips.  
The cold metal separating their faces almost completely was of little hindrance to them. Alyx now relished in feeling the rust and cold against her skin and the way he occasionally bit her tongue just a little too hard. It was him, it was Ryan Kuhn and that was all that mattered; she wanted him.  
Boned tips of fingers dug into her scalp as he brought her closer and she gripped the cage he wore and the strands of long hair. She released him for a second to gain breath to her lungs and then went for him again as she whispered so softly, “I love you.”  
Oh Jesus, someone had kissed him like this, but who? Sasha? No, she hadn’t kissed like this. He remembered everything _every one_ of his women had done, every one of them was special in someway... Sasha was special... But who did this young girl remind him of?

A full moon rose steadily outside on the horizon, full and slightly yellow in colour. Even psychiatric nurses of today still believe the moon to be responsible for encouraging madness, many of the ‘service users’ screamed a little longer or had a sudden violent outburst. But in one cell at the end of Blake Ward, different sounds were coming from behind an impenetrable door.  
Moonlight filled the cell through the one window in the wall, which was barred on the outside and an old oak swayed its finger like branches against the pane. Within the moonlight, two figures upon a bed writhed but only one silhouette was cast on the wall, alive with the passion the two displayed. Only this time, it was different... The figure atop the other, threw its head back, black hair flying to land on pale moon inked skin covered in lacerations and bloody markings. One hand moved the remains of an overgrown fringe from its eyes to look down at its lover. Another set of hands, mutilated, nearly blue in colour slid up the smooth white and red skin, over the bumpiness of the ribcage and rested upon pert breasts which he massaged as the figure sat astride him rose up and down in a steady rhythm.  
Alyx gasped and bit her lip, throwing her head back once again as a deep moan came from her mouth and she lowered herself down again. She placed her hands to Ryan’s chest as she moved, for the first time feeling the contortions in his limbs where his straitjacket had mutilated him during his life. She leant over him, letting her long hair fall from her shoulders to Ryan.  
The Jackal in him had gone at least for now, his hands descended to hold her hips tightly and control her movements; just like he had done once before... What was her name? Who had done this to him so long ago? Who was it who had whispered those same words to him as her thighs held him so close... Only one woman had ever done this...  
This was something the young goth had never experienced. The yearning in her was no longer confused by fear, it was only hunger for him now and nothing else. Her fingers slid through the small tears in his garment, feeling his bare skin beneath. Alyx rubbed herself against him, wanting more than ever to reach orgasm to make this absolutely perfect and complete.  
Ryan’s back arched. He gazed at the young beauty above him, moaning and gasping in ecstasy, her fluid like movements becoming faster. His claws sunk into her skin, drawing blood instantly which spilled down her legs and between them. She cried out his name but didn’t stop... Just like _she_ had... He remembered now... This girl was not _her._ But he saw the similarities, and that was enough... He could pretend. He moved one hand to the back of her head and brought her to him to share a deep kiss, both breathing heavily. Ryan’s hand still on her hip ripped through muscle and sinew and Alyx responded, pushing herself closer again. She reached her precipice first, Ryan shortly afterwards... just as he’d hoped...

When Alyx awoke the next day, she remembered everything, but for once in her life, had no regrets about what she’d done. She turned around in her tiny uncomfortable bed; it was empty save for her. She looked around, rubbing her eyes of sleep hoping to see him, but he wasn’t there... It was then that she began to cry...


	16. Lord Abortion

Cold fingers laced their way through her hair and his cold breath caressed her neck.  
Alyx could hear something, aside from the lecherous mumblings in her ear. There were other voices coming from outside the heavy door. She recognised them, but was much too doped up and consumed by the touch of the spectres hands to fully take in the conversation.  
“Why has she been moved here and why is she on this kind of medication?”  
“We had no alternative I’m afraid. She’s a violent psychopath, my nurses won’t go anywhere near her now unless it’s to feed or medicate her. I don’t like to use the phrase, but there’s only one way to describe her... ‘beyond hope’,”  
“But these quantities of sedatives are atrocious. You do realise you’re breaking every rule in the book with this kind of practise?”  
“For a man who’s experienced her violence first hand you surprise me. I suggest you prepare yourself for a shock, doctor,” A key twirled in the lock and the door was forced open, “This isn’t the same girl you knew. I’m afraid Alyx is no longer with us,”  
Two cautious steps were heard and the fingers laced in her hair unknotted themselves quickly and disappeared into nothing.  
“Aren’t you coming in too?” The male voice asked.  
“I’m not stepping within ten feet of that girl. Not since the last time.” The ward manager gingerly rubbed her shoulder, the deep claw marks hidden by her shirt.  
Matthew adjusted the sling his broken arm lay in before he entered and the door was locked behind him.

A single figure sat cross legged and bare foot in the middle of the sparse white room, face covered by hair which hung limply in front of it. Slowly it looked up and Matthew had to stop himself from gasping.  
Her eyes squinted through greasy strands of hair to see her visitor until she recognised him. She didn’t smile, she dare not but she greeted him with a simple, “Hi,”  
He couldn’t believe what he was seeing; she was thinner than the last time he’d seen her. The wounds he could see were scattered across the skin. They were fresh and bleeding through the bandages, not just claw marks, bite marks too; a particularly nasty bite shaped bruise still black in colour but yellowing on the edges could not be hidden on her throat. Her hands… Her wrists were raw to the point that it was painful to look at them for long, around them a set of sturdy looking handcuffs, not clinical padded wrist restraints, actual handcuffs, and several fingernails were missing. He’d read the reports since he’d been dismissed from work, it was just completely unbelievable that she was capable of such behaviour, such violence... Placing her in handcuffs was barbaric. She was pale, much too pale for his liking, the only colour on her face were the dark circles round her eyes.  
He couldn’t help himself as he muttered “Good God,” under his breath, if he’d still been a practicing Catholic as he’d been brought up to be then he would’ve crossed himself but resisted the temptation to revert to old habits.  
He took a step closer and then knelt before her. Alyx shook her fringe away, noticing his broken arm, “You’re brave… Haven’t they told you what I do to people who get too close?” she smirked, making sure to lower her face so it would be hidden. Matt did not respond, he was finding it difficult to comprehend that this was the same girl he’d treated, “I didn’t expect to see you again,”  
“You’re still my patient, Alyx. Technically speaking,”  
Alyx’s eyes shot up to look behind her and she gently whispered, “It’s fine,” then turned back to Matt, he took a mental note of this. She flexed her aching shoulders, “Well? Are you going to say something, or just sit there?”  
He pushed his glasses up with his free hand and sighed, “I can’t stay long, but I’ve been told I can talk to you briefly. All I want to know is why you’re doing this?”  
“Doing what?”  
“You know what I mean. Why are you doing this? _How _are you doing this? Getting free of your restraints, attacking people? This isn’t like you” he insisted.  
Again Alyx looked up, this time over Matt’s fair hair. Her expression turned serious, “No,” she whispered, “It’s fine,” She put her head down as she smiled slightly, “Would it make any difference if I told you I didn’t do it? I’m not attacking anyone; I don’t want to hurt anyone… The restraints? Well in that department, you could say I have help,”  
“Ryan removes your restraints?”  
She nodded, “It’s nice to hear someone else say his name for once,”  
Matt looked at her wrists, “He hasn’t helped you today though, has he?”  
She lifted her arms to look at the cuffs, “No, he’s been having difficulty getting them off… Well, I _say_ difficulty…” Her mind wandered as she recalled last night through a haze of sedatives. In defeat he had taken full advantage of her forced bondage: suspending her from something by her wrists, she couldn’t remember what. She shook the memory from her head, “He just needs to find the key is all,”  
Matthew sighed. As he’d feared she had succumbed to the delusions without his specialised support. He would need to tread carefully now, to shatter her belief entirely would cause her a lot of grief but was necessary. He made sure he was level with her before he spoke again to make sure he wasn’t ‘talking down to her’, “Have you considered the possibility that maybe it _is_ you? That somehow you’re managing to break through your restraints but just don’t remember doing it?”  
Something fell between them; they both saw it fall and watched as it bounced once, twice, landing a third time next to Alyx’s leg. Matt took a closer look; it was small, metallic, almost like... a key... a key? Oh God, it _was_ a key. He gasped and pushed himself away, “Jesus Christ!”  
Alyx giggled softly to herself, slowly looking up at something only she could see. She smiled at nothing, “Thank you,” she said with genuine gratitude.  
She took the key from the floor, pushed herself to her legs which hurt from last night and began to undo the cuffs on her wrists.  
Matt had not moved from his position, but watched her, “How did you do that?”  
“Fuck me, Matt you are bloody stupid sometimes aren’t you!” She turned her back to him, and as she did the reason for her pale complexion and dark eyes became clear. Her back was red, deep red, blood red. The material of her hospital gown clung to the skin or what was left of her skin in shreds... She was bleeding; her back was ripped to pieces, the blood so intense that it was almost black in colour where it was drying. Matt nearly fell from his kneeling position in shock, “Holy shit!”  
“What?” she asked, as if she hadn’t noticed. Her eyes followed his and she realised what had shocked him so, “Oh... That... Apparently I’m supposed to have done that to myself... Are you kidding? What am I, double jointed? I can’t even touch my toes! I tell you what; I’d give Houdini a fucking run for his money wouldn’t I?” She looked to an empty corner of the room and smiled as she removed the final handcuff. She staggered slightly, and her body convulsed. She dropped the handcuffs as her hands went to her mouth, her words broken up by a hideous retching “Oh Go- Not agai- ” she ran to the toilet also in her room, nearly pushing Matt out of the way to get there. She retched, and heaved her thin form over the bowl but nothing happened, her breathing halted by the act of trying to vomit, but nothing came up. She apologised for vomiting between attempts which sounded ghastly and her spine arched horribly.  
Matt could only watch from this safe distance. He wanted to go over to her and at least hold her long hair back, but he knew that would be improper, so he came just a little closer.#  
Something hit the back of his neck, scratching away the skin in a swift movement, “What the fu-?” Matt placed his hand there.  
“Don’t get too close, for God’s sake!” Alyx exclaimed as she reached her hand out to halt him, she continued to convulse above the toilet bowl. The young doctor took his hand away from his neck, the wound is bleeding considerably, but he can’t take notice now, not when he’s so concerned for the young girl.  
“Alyx, if you’re suffering side effects from this you should tell someone, we can place you on a different medication, you shouldn’t be on lithium anyway and if it’s making you feel like this-”  
“Oh, like that’s going to fucking help!” she said as she spat bile from her mouth, “I’ve been on... I can’t even remember how many types of medication I’ve been on, nothing helps... I just keep vomiting Matt,” she took a deep breath and nodded as she closed her eyes, “It’s okay, I’m fine... No... No, it’s not... No, it’s not. I’m fine, I’m okay...” Those words, they weren’t right... she wasn’t talking to him, she was talking to someone else; someone only she could hear. He knew this, he’d seen it before, and always found it somewhat distressing hearing someone respond to an auditory hallucination. She sat and placed her back to the wall, not too far from the loo in case she vomited again.  
The wound on Matt’s neck had stopped bleeding, he looks again at the blood on his palm and Alyx spots this, “He’ll probably do it again in a minute. Just to let you know he’s there... He doesn’t like being ignored,” the plight of this quivering little creature tore at Matt’s heart.  
“Alyx? I want you to be truthful with me,” he dreaded the answer to the next question he intended to ask, “Has Ryan raped you since you’ve been in this hospital?”  
Alyx looked around, and wiped her mouth where bile had settled on her face with the back of her hand, “Yes...” she answered as her eyes fell on him, “And no... but yes, he has... many times...” the tears were evident in her voice before they reached her eyes, “I’ve told them, Matt. They don’t listen to me... They never listen to me... and why would they? I’m just a fucking nut-case! I’m ‘beyond hope’. That doesn’t matter though... I love him... He’s with me now, he stays with me... He doesn’t rape me anymore... Well, sometimes he does...” Matt’s eyes gave away his confusion, “He likes it when I’m willing... but he likes it more when I’m not...”  
Matthew bit his lip and removed his glasses for a moment while he thought about the next step, he looked back at her, “Alyx, I’m going to get someone to have a talk with you, someone who I trust. Is that alright with you?”  
Alyx spat another mouthful of accumulated bile to the ground, only this time it was tinted with blood, a look of hatred crossed her eyes, “Don’t call me that! Don’t call me Alyx!”  
Matt took a deep breath, “Why not?”  
“I’m his now, he doesn’t call me Alyx...”  
“Then what does Ryan call you? What is your name?”  
The little girl smiled, but like before, hid the smile from spying eyes both seen and unseen, “He calls me, whore!”

He made the necessary enquiries, read the files, made several phone calls. She _had_ informed the nurses of the incidents of rape and the times when she’d given in to the attacker who came to her room nightly demanding sexual favours, but the nurses had done nothing; they put it down to attention seeking behaviour and therefore she had never had an examination to confirm this.  
Another thing intrigued him; the attacks she had been ‘responsible for’ had only occurred when the power had failed, plunging the building into darkness temporarily. That meant only one thing; no one had ever ‘seen’ Alyx commit these attacks on the nurses.  
Doctor Matthew Harris, he was a no nonsense man. He had seen people crumble into shells of their former selves, because a single man had taken their identities away from them. No one had that right, people should be protected from this, it shouldn’t happen to anyone, ever... This girl had a right to be protected... but this was different... something wasn’t right.  
So Doctor Matthew Harris decided at this moment to take matters into his own hands. He needed assistance, and there was only one person he could think of who he could turn to.

“This is highly controversial you know and very unprofessional,”  
“I just need your professional opinion on this; I know it’s against regulations but I have no choice, Jen,”  
Jen Atkins brushed her dark hair behind her ear and adjusted the stethoscope around her neck as they approached the door, “My God, this is terrible, this is a psychiatric hospital for crying out loud, exactly how long ago was the victim found?”  
He knew it was wrong to keep information from her especially in such circumstances but he was desperate now, “All I can tell you is that there is some... dispute about whether or not the incident occurred, and you’re the only person I trust enough to get me a definite answer on this,”  
Jen sighed and placed her bag down, adjusting her stethoscope again, “I just want you to know that I’m not comfortable with this,”  
“Please, Jen. Just do your job and give me some answers,”  
The large door was opened by a large nurse who shook in fear as the metal squealed. Matt entered first.

Alyx was on her knees, wiping her mouth with the back of her hand. She didn’t like this, she knew he’d brought someone new with him... and Ryan hadn’t liked it either...  
_The fuck do you want now boy?_ He phased away from his prize but not out of the room. He wanted to keep watch of this situation; it intrigued him that the doctor had returned at all after what would’ve been considered a substantially suitable warning to stay away by anyone’s standards. Ryan would not be so easily persuaded to spare his life if the boy pushed his luck again.  
Matt took a steady breath, “Alyx, I’d like you to meet someone. Her name’s Jen, she works with me,” he gestures the woman in with his good arm.  
A tall woman with a sensible expression and kind brown eyes stepped through the door, her sensible heeled shoes echoing around the cell.  
Oh, this was interesting... Ryan very slowly circled this new person, taking in what details he could, she was obviously an intellect, her posture and the way she held her head was evidence of that. She was an attractive specimen, and exotic too with her olive skin, perhaps she was Mediterranean, but not his type particularly... too tall for his liking, she must’ve stood a few inches above him even and Ryan was not exactly a short man.  
Jen smiled at Alyx.  
“Hi,” she muttered, “Are you a therapist too? Have you come to give me a second opinion or something?”  
“No my dear,” Jen responded with a sweet smile, “I’m more of a traditional doctor, shall we say. But I work in the same department as Matt, we’ve been colleagues for a while.”  
“Oh... so you’re a _different_ type of rape trauma specialist then?”  
“Yes, in terms of the physical nature of the assault. Now, Matt has asked me here because he would like me to do a physical examination on you,”  
Alyx became uncomfortable again, and gulped, “Okay... What does that involve?”  
“It just means I’ll need to have a look at you, just to see if any internal damage has been done. So, if you’re comfortable with this, I’d like to start right away,”  
“Umm...” Alyx’s eyes moved to look at something, “Can I have a moment to prepare first? In private?”  
“Yes, of course,” Jen nodded, looked at Matt and they both left for a while.  
Alyx took a deep breath and looked up, “Yes, she’s a doctor... She just wants to examine me, to make sure I’m still good enough for you,” she hoped this would convince him to stay his hand if only for a while. This doctor would have to ‘touch’ her to perform the tests.

As she lay on her back, knees up, looking towards the ceiling, she pulled several grimaced faces as the pear shaped instrument was gently inserted and then widened. She shuddered, having not expected it to feel quite so cold.  
Alyx might’ve cried, but she knew the spectre was still there. She could feel his hands against the sides of her face even though he’d obviously made the decision to remain hidden. If she cried or called out, he might take it the wrong way and go immediately for the attack.  
There was silence for a long time as Jen examined her. Matt stood by the door with his back to the scene; he wanted to hear what was said.  
“When did you last have intercourse?” Jen asked as she reached for a torch in her bag. She tried to hide the fact that she was so displeased with these working conditions, it was inappropriate having the consultant knelt on the floor like this with the victim lying on a bed; no stirrups, no adjustable chair... most unprofessional.  
“Forced or consented?” Alyx said and smirked, trying to ignore what was happening.  
Jen didn’t get the joke, “Forced,”  
“Ummm?” she winced at feeling something move inside her, “Sometime this morning... but I wouldn’t like to say what time... I don’t even know what time it is now!”  
The trauma was clear... and deep. This had either been a more aggressive attack than she’d ever seen or one that had taken place over a long time; or perhaps even both.  
Something caught her eye and she didn’t like it, she looked at the notes she’d already made and then the small blood sample she’d taken earlier, she made some small chat with Alyx while she performed a small test on the sample; the result was not what she wanted to see.  
“Alyx?” she asked softly, “When was the last time you menstruated?”  
Matt’s head shot up to listen closely, he could’ve kicked himself, he’d never even thought to ask her something so obvious.  
The pressure on the sides of Alyx’s head increased as the unseen observer too wished to know her answer.  
She thought carefully for a moment, not because she wanted to withhold the information but because she genuinely couldn’t remember.  
“Maybe... Three months ago... or was it four? I think it was before I was brought here...”  
“You’ve been spotting though, haven’t you?” it was more a statement than a question.  
“Yes... maybe every few weeks, not a lot... Is that bad?”  
Jen sighed, “No, it’s natural,” She pushed herself to her feet, “I think we’re done here.”  
Before they left together, Alyx asked, “Does this mean, I’m alright?”  
Jen couldn’t bring herself to look at the young girl, “Yes, my dear. You’re perfectly fine and healthy,” she stepped out and Matt followed, telling Alyx that he would be back later.  
Ryan however, was in no mood to wait for answers; he followed the two doctors to hear what they had to say about his whore.

“So what’s the prognosis?” Matt asked.  
Jen placed her heavy bag down with a huff, “Do you have a cigarette?”  
He reached for his pocket out of instinct, “I thought you’d given up?”  
“I have, but there’s always a good time to start again and this is it!” she lit it instantly but didn’t cough which surprised him.  
“Well?”  
“I’m not happy with you,” she said spitefully, “In fact, I’m not even talking to you right now,”  
“What? What have I done?”  
“Why wasn’t I told?” He didn’t understand, “Oh come on Matt, don’t play dumb with me, we’ve worked together too long to play those sorts of games. What’s the first thing you’re supposed to do on the scene if it hasn’t been done already? Take a pregnancy test!”  
“Jen, we did the pregnancy test, it was negative.”  
“Negative? Are you blind?” she gave him a look of spite which quickly dropped when she saw the look on his face, “Good God, you don’t know do you? And _she_ doesn’t know either does she? My God, all the signs are there, it would be obvious to a first year medical student. And you know what? _You_ can tell her, because I’m certainly not going to tell her!”  
A hideously repulsive smile spread across the face of the listener who remained unobserved. Neither of them would tell her, he would have that delight himself.  
“Oh Jesus,” Matt took a seat and placed his head in his hands, completely distressed over the fact that he’ll need to explain this to Alyx, “What am I going to tell her, Jen? At least, there’s still hope, options still available. I mean, it’s been four months so that still leaves us two months to decide what to do,”  
_Options? What options? What are you implying you worm of a man?  
_“Two months?” Jen questioned as she stubs out her half finished cigarette, the taste of it disgusting her already, “You’ve got more time than that, plenty of time to discuss her options,” Matt raises his face to her, “She’s only a few weeks gone at best... But I don’t think you have to worry too much about her options,” Matt’s gaze now turned completely confounded, “Oh, this isn’t her first pregnancy.”  
Matt gripped the arms of the chair, sure that he would fall off it from this bombshell, “What?!”  
_What!?_ The Jackal drew closer.  
“In my professional opinion; this is at least her _third _pregnancy. I can’t tell without the proper equipment, but her body’s not accepting the embryo, although there’s no reason why it shouldn’t. She seems a perfectly fit and able nineteen year old girl, she should be perfectly fertile. Maybe _he’s_ shooting blanks,” she smirked and Ryan wanted nothing more than to wipe that smirk from her face at questioning his performance, “But then, that wouldn’t explain why she’s conceiving in the first place.  
“I’d give this another week, two at best and then she’ll start spotting blood again, meaning her pregnancy has been ‘self-terminated’. So, in answer to your original question, yes, the girl has been raped, viciously, and within the last twenty-four hours, I have no doubts on that.”  
Matt rose to his feet. He wouldn’t question her; Jen was too professional to get something of this nature wrong, she’d been called into do this kind of thing before and had always been right on the matter. He couldn’t stay here now though, not when the answers were so absolutely clear before him... But what was he supposed to do with these answers now? These injuries were not self-inflicted and the claims of rape not attention seeking. Someone had gotten to Alyx. Someone or something that no one else could see... something that came to her every night and demanded her body from her.  
Silently, the ghost contemplated what had been said. Yes, there was something wrong; perhaps there really was no way to make this happen, an impossibility. But despite this, he smiled; she had conceived after all... and who knows what would happen in the future? There was no reason why he shouldn’t keep trying, since she loved it so much anyway... but two miscarriages... he would enjoy punishing her for that.  
“So what are you going to do?” Jen asked as Matt turned for the door and opened it.  
“I need to do some research,” he responded.  
“On what?”  
“On the man himself...” he gripped the handle tightly not wanting to admit this.  
“You know who he is then?”  
Matt sighed out of reluctance, the facts were there and he could no longer deny them, “I think I do...”


	17. Don't Be So Coy

Ryan sat at the end of the bed rocking back and forth as he watched her sleep. He would let her rest a while, regain her strength. Stupid little bitch, she had no idea... Absolutely no inkling as to why he had returned so furious. She’d pleaded, screamed, had begged for mercy at his feet.  
That’s right... Beg me to stop... Now look at me, I want to watch you squirm...  
But now she lay silent, hugging her tiny frame.  
He didn’t like her like this, too sedated to get any response, ignoring him. Sleep, what was the point of it? He didn’t need it, why should she? He wanted to take out his frustrations on her... but the nurses had come, and had medicated her... the screams were disturbing the other patients and preventing them from getting any sleep. She was dead to the world; even if he were to do something hideous even by his standards she would barely stir... was it really that hideous though? He smiled; he might have to try it out on her when she awoke.  
She shivered in her almost comatose sleep.   
Stop teasing me, you little cow! He cursed. He turned his back to her, biting his lips and his fingertips in annoyance. He could feel tightness in his stomach. You’re not her... stop pretending to be her!  
The memories of her were clear... but her name still was not. He couldn’t think of her, he’d never told anyone about her. He’d made a promise not to mention her, to ruin her name and even after more than a hundred years in the dark he would not break that promise... It did not matter anyway, the evidence of their time together had been destroyed... her father had made sure of that. He had to think of something else... something else to relieve the restriction he now felt both physically and mentally.

Matthew sat in the records office, browsing through the newspapers they kept in the archive. He hadn’t eaten or drunk anything for several hours and so was happy when a hand tapped his shoulder and Jen placed a steaming cup of black coffee next to him.  
“I don’t see what this has to do with anything,” she said softly.  
He covered the article he was reading with his notepad to stop her from seeing it, “It’s just research,”  
She pushed the pad out of the way, she was not an idiot; she had seen how he’d tried to hide it from her, “Research? What does a rapist from the turn of the century have to do with this case?”  
He sighed, and rubbed his eyes beneath his glasses with his good hand, thankful at least that it was not his right arm that had been broken, “It’s complicated, Jen. I just need to do this,”  
She was about to protest when a bleeping sound from her waist stopped her. She looked at her pager and huffed loudly, she knew she shouldn’t have swapped the on-call shift with Dr Jenkins. She took her mobile out of her bag and called the number, her tone wasn’t happy but she said she’d be right over.  
“Matt, I need to go. They’ve got an emergency at A&E. Just promise me you won’t kill yourself with exhaustion over this, it’s not like she’s being haunted or anything.” Jen grabbed her bag and left quickly.  
It’s not like she’s being haunted or anything, he would remember that sentence for as long as he lived.  
He reached for the coffee, not realising how hot it still was and he cursed as he scalded his lips.  
No time for coffee anyway, he had to keep focused, especially after what he’d read earlier.  
Alyx’s medical records lay on the desk beside him, open to a page with the minutes of a ward meeting. The consultants at the hospital were considering the use of another treatment... He couldn’t understand why though. She didn’t need that sort of treatment. Matt had to act fast to prevent it.  
There were several articles in various London papers over a period of two months that he’d taken note of. Two months... Five women, raped and murdered in two months, just imagine how many more would’ve been killed had he not committed himself.  
It was hard to decide which ones were the correct articles. Prostitutes were killed frequently, but the one thing that gave away Ryan’s identity in the cases were the evidence of bite marks, usually on the throats of the victims. One it had seemed was kept alive for several days before being found by a gentleman walking his dog by the Thames. The report stated her mouth was covered in bruises from applied pressure, possibly to keep her silent. One was found in the brothel she worked in, slaughtered upon her bed. The newspapers of the day were censored so as not to cause a panic to the general public, but the police reports he’d acquired access to revealed how her genital area had been mauled before and after she had died. The photographs -although old and grainy- were graphic in their detail.  
But then something caught Matt’s eye. A larger article, the front page of the newspaper in fact. A portrait photo was supplied with the article of the young woman in question, she was known, she was... not what he’d expected to see. So, it would appear that Ryan’s appetite was not satisfied simply by whores alone. This young woman, his next victim, was not a street worker.

No, she was not a whore, but she wanted it just as any whore would, that much was obvious to him. What woman walks alone at night through the dark streets of London? A foolish one perhaps... And perhaps he would not have paid her any attention; perhaps he would’ve walked straight past her. He remembered being deep in thought that evening as he strolled the streets waiting for the harpies to emerge from their alleys. He let his hair hang in front of his eyes in the hope of disguising himself. They were cunning; some of them might recognise him from... that night in the brothel.  
The streets lay mute for a long time it seemed. And then he heard it, the delicate tip tapping of rhythmic footsteps upon cobbled stones. The tightness in his stomach started in his excitement, which spread lower causing a different tightness where his trousers restricted him. His mouth ran dry as the footsteps came closer, he’d had his eye on a particular whore for a few days now and had her routine memorised. It was a little early for her to be here, but that was good. It meant she was enthusiastic to meet him -although she’d never met him before.  
Ryan turned the corner, but instead of the attractive whore he’d been stalking, he came face to face with an old gypsy woman clutching heather. Her skin wrinkled hideously, her salt and pepper coloured grey hair covered by a scarf, her stature hunched.  
The hardness in his loins disappeared instantly at her appearance. Luckily for him she had not noticed and offered him the heather for a price which he declined rudely as he strode past her to make it seem as if he was intending to do that anyway. He didn’t look back, but he shuddered and shook her image from his immediate memory.  
Ryan walked on, looking at the paving stones, not hearing the oncoming footsteps ahead.  
They collided with each other hard as she turned the corner, her forehead hitting his chin.  
Ryan gripped his jaw in pain, “AH! Watch where you’re going you-” he stopped midsentence as he looked at her.  
“Oh, I’m so sorry sir, ever so sorry. I didn’t mean to bump into you,” she apologised quickly, “Did I hurt you?”  
The pain in his chin numbed as he took her in. Slight of build, blonde, were her eyes green or brown? He couldn’t tell in this light. Her dress was a fine fabric, and current in fashion, not the usual thing a whore would wear. No, she wasn’t a whore. He hadn’t said anything for a while and feared he looked simple, “No, madam, I’m fine thank you,” he stole the opportunity while he had it, “May I ask what a young lady is doing in this part of London...” he looked behind her, “Unescorted?”  
“I’m new to London, sir. I lost my way,”  
Ryan gestured down the street, still holding his chin, “There’s a railway station not far that way,” she looked to where his hand pointed and thanked him as she began walking, she apologised once again for bumping into him.  
He quickly spat the blood that had collected in his mouth to the ground where his teeth had grazed his lip and turned to watch her. She gazed back at him, smiled and waved... that was her undoing.  
“Madam?” He called, “A young lady shouldn’t be wandering the streets this late at night. Might I be permitted to escort you?” He didn’t want to appear too eager. She had displayed a want for him; if she hadn’t, she wouldn’t have turned back with such a pleasant smile, but still, to make his intentions clear would ruin the fun.  
They walked together for a few minutes.  
It was on this night that Ryan discovered just how fond he was of unsuspecting victims. Oh, the whores were good, with their experience and their initial eagerness, but it was all fake. The way they accepted him at first, and made those sounds as he’d use them, but they weren’t genuine, and he knew it; so he became angry with them for the deceit, even though they were whores they still loved him, so why would they lie about the way they felt? He made everyone of them pay for it… he much preferred them when he began to use more force, holding a knife to their throats, hair held firmly in his grasp to make them look at him as he violated them; that was when they finally displayed an ounce of genuine emotion. It didn’t matter that the emotion was fear. He liked that emotion.  
But this was different, this was intense. The sensation of butterflies fluttering swarmed in his gut in the moments leading to his attack, the excitement and anticipation of what was to come; and the foolish girl had no idea how the tightness in his stomach had spread now to his groin.  
He chose his moment carefully, letting her take the lead for a second before grabbing her. A strong hand clamped over her mouth as he dragged her back into the alleyway and forced her to the ground.  
She was energetic, she tried to push him off as he pinned her. Her body twisted and turned in pitiful efforts to cast him away, but to Ryan her body squirmed in delight and rubbed against him. She wanted him.  
His breath was heavy already, his hardness increasing with every shove she gave. The fear in her eyes was genuine, the shock in her muffled voice also genuine as he lifted her skirt and petticoats to her hips.  
He released himself with one hand, the other clasped fiercely over her mouth, “Do you know what I’m going to do to you?” he asked in a hushed, oppressive whisper. Under his grip she shook her head, truthfully unaware of his intentions, “Don’t be so fucking coy!” he told her as he drove into her with the same enthusiasm he would’ve done if she were a whore.  
Ryan gasped loudly. Her tightness was completely unexpected. The girl screamed a muffled scream behind his hand which did not cease as he began to thrust within her. Hot tears streamed down the sides of her face as she felt him move and once again she tried to push him off. What a reaction!  
His movements increased in force and it was now that he felt how her body changed to receive him in this manner, her internal muscles relaxed and became slick. The stimulus created a natural response. He bit down on her neck like a rabid dog, his desire intensified by the pulse he felt beneath the skin there and the hot place between her thighs. This was what she wanted, and she wanted him... because she loved him... she just didn’t realise it herself, so he would have to show her.  
Ryan reached for his knife, not that he needed to scare her, this part had become ritualistic. He brought the exposed blade to her throat and pressed the point beneath her jawline.  
“Look at me!” He ordered. She didn’t open her eyes, too scared to look at him, “I said, look at me,” He pressed the tip of the knife closer, drawing blood. Her eyes snapped open, filled with fear, “That’s... better, sweetheart...” he managed between deep breaths as he kept moving, “Now... would you... like... your... reward?”  
She felt his pace increase, heard his grunts grow louder even starting to drown out the sound of her blood pumping through her ears... and she felt his grip on the knife get tighter and begin its slow, painful descent through her throat...

He had not intended to kill her... he had not intended to kill anyone, he said once. But that night he had no choice. It was the first time he’d chosen an unsuspecting victim... and it was also the night Ryan discovered how very fond he was of virgins. The sensations had made him lose control of himself.  
His eyes were half closed, his back against the wall as he stroked his hardness through the restricting straitjacket in remembrance of that evening.  
Alyx coughed and it startled him back to the present. She turned in her sleep and moaned.

Matt surveyed the information with new eyes now, taking note of every detail Dr Heathen had written during the single year she’d been Ryan Kuhn’s consultant. It was a difficult process, but Dr Heathen had been adamant of taking down all the information she could. It seemed a logical use of ‘confrontation therapy’ the same thing he’d tried to do with Alyx, to present him with an alternative; a woman who was not as he’d feared all women were… but it had failed, as had his own attempts.  
The yellowing pages and stray data he’d acquired from the archives; newspaper articles, census reports, anything that would reveal something new as to the nature of the individual he dreaded was responsible.  
It was a dark history the man had left behind, even before committing himself to the Asylum. But the notes revealed something else.  
Ryan had been subjected to hideous tortures. One, in particular, Dr Heathen had written considerable amounts about including Ryan’s views on the practise.  
Ryan is labile in mood today. The shock treatment has taken an obvious affect, but he has begun twitching as result of it. His hands are never still and he has resorted to chewing on his fingernails more aggressively. He has asked me to promise that I won’t let them do that to him again. I could not make this promise. He is due another session tomorrow with increased charge.

Matt knew that he only had one alternative left. One way to try and coax her out of her psychosis, or else bring the fiend to light and show himself. If he was who he claimed to be, then there was only one thing that would draw him out… The use of treatments that he himself would remember and would’ve experienced. Only one option left, the option that had already been suggested by the consultants in intensive care. Electro-Convulsive Therapy.  
It was not a cure, but a remedy… that was if it turned out to be psychosis anyway. And if it wasn’t psychosis… then he would cross that bridge once he came to it…  
Unfortunately he’d had little dealings with the rapists themselves in previous cases; his focus was on the victims and rehabilitating them back into normal society. Only twice had he had the ‘honour’ –one of them had called it- to meet with the men responsible. Conniving, deceptive individuals who one wouldn’t necessarily have taken a second glance at, but someone obviously had, and had paid a terrible price for it. But the difference between them and Ryan Kuhn was simple; they could not understand what they had done wrong, whereas Ryan had committed himself voluntarily. He was scared of what he was becoming and sought help for what he considered to be a mental affliction.  
Perhaps, if he could bring Ryan out, confront him even... Perhaps it was possible to negotiate with him...

No more waiting, no more.  
He spread her legs apart roughly and Alyx stirred in her deep sleep, “No, Ryan... not now...”  
That was not what he wanted to hear. He clenched his enraged fist and punched her hard to the side of her temple before drawing her legs around his hips. She was awake now, and immediately regretted her rejection of him.  
You, don’t speak to me like that! You will do as I say!


	18. The Only Reason You Even Exist, Is Because I Keep You

“I’m afraid she’s not well enough to have visitors today.”  
“I’m not a visitor; I’m her specialist consultant,” Matt demanded for what seemed like the hundredth time, “I need to see her!”  
The nurse in charge came over in an attempt to handle the situation being created by the younger nurse and advised them to let her handle it.  
“Doctor Harris, she’s in ICU,” she began, “She was moved there last night after the incident. Don’t worry, she’s unconscious but stable now,” Matt’s eyes gave away his concern, “I’m sorry to say she managed to cause herself a lot of damage after she was sedated.”  
Now the concern turned to confusion, “Am I the only one who thinks that makes no sense? How can someone be heavily sedated and then self harm?”  
The charge nurse could only shrug her shoulders, “Just goes to prove how strong people can get when suffering with mental illness, I suppose.”  
Matt didn’t ask about the foetus; Jen’s visit had been strictly off the record so no one had been informed of her findings. But now he found himself in turmoil. On one hand, he hoped the embryo was still secure in her womb, but on the other, he hoped that the recent trauma had caused a miscarriage; as morbid as that was. He still dreaded the thought of having to tell her she was pregnant…  
He took a seat in the ward office and began ploughing through the latest computer entries of her records.  
She was in intensive care. She’d suffered severe internal trauma to the mouth and throat, particularly the back of the oral cavity, the soft palate… deep enough to even cause some damage to the pharynx. The records stated that it was a clear case of internal asphyxiation… but as always, they never found the item she had used.  
Matt shuddered at the very idea of what Ryan –if it was him- had forced her to do.  
He leant back in the chair, right hand across the lower portion of his face. Alyx would be in no state to approach now to discuss ECT and the benefits it may bring. So, he made the decision for her, regardless of how unethical it was… at the base of the consent form, he forged Alyx’s signature.

_Where am... I?_ Her eyes struggled to prise themselves apart; stuck together by thick crystals of sleep glued to her eyelashes. A persistent beeping sound had penetrated her dreamless slumber; it had been going on for hours. _Beep... Beep... Beep..._ Always the same steady rhythm, and finally it had gotten just a little too annoying to stand.  
Alyx’s hand reached to the sound in the hope of hitting some kind of snooze button and went to rub her eyes with the other. The latter hand collided gently with something on her face ..._the Hell?_ As her eyelashes tugged painfully against each other, all she could think in that moment was how on Earth had Ryan managed to find another scold’s bridle?  
_Beep... Beep... Beep...  
_But it wasn’t a scold’s bridle; it was not a torture instrument of any kind. It was plastic but soft, it covered her nose and mouth. She grabbed and lifted it away from the skin it had embedded itself in, the strap holding it in place behind her skull was elastic and stretched easily. A nasal mask attached to a ventilator… what the Hell?  
_Beep.. Beep.. Beep..  
_Alyx removed the mask and pushed herself up in bed. She gasped. Her arms were littered with crisscrossing wires and nodes attached to her skin.  
She remembered nothing… she didn’t even know where she was, this wasn’t her room on Blake Ward. What the Hell had he done to her? Where was she?  
The beeping continued but the tempo increased, it was not an alarm clock, but a pulse monitor.  
_Beep. Beep. Beep.  
_She coughed as she moved further forward and the cough hurt; it hurt her throat but not just her throat... the pain was deep and ran down into her chest. As Alyx placed her hand over her mouth she saw it; a single tube stuck to her arm with medical tape. It snaked its way up the length of the limb. A thick, dull, yellow viscous fluid pumped gradually through it, _Oh God, no…_ she fingered it and traced her fingers along the line, it went up to her shoulder, across her chest, to her neck and up again, _Oh God please…_ she whimpered as she realised where it was going… across her face; her breathing became quicker. Under her eye, then looping downwards, once more held by tape… inserted through her left nostril. A pathetic small cry of fear and repulsion came from her and she shut her eyes. They were feeding her, through a tube… in her nose.  
_Oh God, oh God, oh God…_ she convulsed in horrified sobs at her predicament and began to gingerly peel the tube from her face, giving it a small tug. She gagged and cried out, the feeling went all the way down to her stomach, she could feel it move and it hurt as it shifted within her. Alyx’s sobs were difficult even for her to listen to, her fingers clenched and her teeth ground together. What the Hell had she done that warranted this?  
_Fuck this shit, that’s it…_ She looked around. Atop the bedside cabinet were a selection of medical odds and ends, a box of tissues, several of those hideous grey, flaking cardboard kidney bowls. So freaked out by the thing stuck in her nose going to her stomach that she felt she had no choice. She grabbed a kidney bowl, caring little for the fact that the others it lay stacked in fell to the ground and placed it on her lap.  
“Right, game over mate!” she whispered angrily as she took hold of the sheet covering her and began to twist it tightly, “I’m writing a will, and it’s going to read ‘for the love of God don’t keep me alive by fucking feeding tube’!” she roughly placed the rolled up sheet in her mouth, across her teeth and breathed heavily to prepare herself for what was coming. Taking the tube between her fingers once again. Spittle flew from her gagged mouth with the intensity of the breaths she was taking, “Ok…” she breathed in, and out, “On three!” Another breath, in and out, a line of saliva falling into the kidney bowl, “One… Two…” she closed her eyes, tensed her body instinctively and gripped the tube even more firmly, “Fucking Three!!!”  
Alyx pulled and screamed with every tug, the tube shifted against her organs as it loosened. Alyx held back the tears from her eyes but not from her voice as she wailed. The tube became harder to grip as it came further due to the pink moisture it brought with it, some parts pinker and thicker than others. It slipped in her reluctant fingers. More furious pulling, for she knew she couldn’t stop, especially when it reached her trachea and windpipe.  
Now she vomited, and it spilled through her teeth. Over the sheet preventing her from biting on her own tongue and into the kidney bowl.  
The tears finally came as the end of the tube scraped the back of her already raw throat. Then with one final tug, her fingers glistening in her internal fluids, the tube came free, still pumping its nutrients.  
Alyx’s gag reflex did not stop and she kicked the tube away, ripping it from her skin in absolute disgust as the gunk began to cover the sheets.  
Tears streamed in hot rivers down her face. Her breathing rapid as she spat the sheet from her mouth and an ungodly amount of vomit followed. She blew her nose with a tissue, repulsed by the sensations of the solution that was stuck in there too.  
No time to wait though. God knows what they were doing to her, especially with all of these damned nodes on her flesh. What the Hell were they there to monitor anyway?  
She had to move quickly. The instant she detached the pulse monitor from her finger, someone would come. The double security doors were literally just ahead, but would be locked… unless… beside the door was one of those ‘break glass’ fire alarm systems. Now, if fire alarms did what they were supposed to…  
The nodes were easily brushed off. The intravenous needle stuck in her arm painfully torn out and the blood from the damaged vein spilled deep red freely. A bent elbow and plenty of tissue would seal that soon enough.  
The floor was cold, and her legs felt weak but she knew she had to get out of here. Where was Ryan? _Please don’t tell me they’ve moved me again… I’m gonna be in so much trouble if they have…  
__Okay… fire alarm… door… corridor… run_. She repeated the process in her head as she readied herself for the run ahead. Breaths laboured and legs heavy from fatigue, she wrenched the pulse detector from her finger, ran to the break glass, thrusting her already bent and bleeding elbow into it.  
Immediately the siren blasted its wrenched scream throughout the building, a lot louder than she’d expected but it didn’t slow her progress. The doors unlocked themselves and she ran. Down the corridor, holding her bleeding arm across her chest. Blood falling to the lino floor.  
Voices and heavy running footsteps were advancing towards her already and panic took hold. Alyx looked around, spotting a door slightly ajar with a sign saying ‘Staff Only’.  
“Good enough.” She whispered as she made a dash for it. Flipping the light switch as she entered and locking the door behind her.  
Alyx’s forehead rested upon the firm wood of the door and she listened as the footsteps and voices rushed past her in a frantic hurry. She didn’t breathe out until she couldn’t hear them anymore. She turned her back to the door.  
The scream caught in her throat but she held it back with her hand when she realised that the figure she saw standing behind her was in fact her own reflection in the mirror above the sink.  
“Okay mate, relax... it’s cool!” she sighed in relief, “So, ‘staff only’ translates as staff loo? Well, I guess you learn something every day.” Alyx giggled at her own wit, glad that her cynical, realistic sarcasm was still holding up even now, but she feared it would not last long as she looked at her reflection again, “Jesus Christ, Ryan...” she heard her voice tremble and her eyes grew wide at the sight. Unsteady feet took her to the basin, “What the fuck have you done to me?”  
The pale skin on her face was covered in bruises, especially her lips. It hurt to swallow, and as she did she recalled with graphic intensity just how rough he had been, to the point of choking her without even having to lay his hands around her throat. Her eyes were blood shot, much more so than if she’d simply had a spliff or two... or three... her eyes were red and blue, no white to be seen in them and ringed with dark circles, “What have you done to me?” she asked again as her fingers traced their way over her swollen mouth. Her features were almost unrecognisable to her, although she could not help but admire the way her eyes looked. She’d always wanted some of those funky contact lenses... but she hadn’t wanted to be beaten to a pulp to achieve it the result.  
The light above her flashed but she didn’t take her eyes from the mirror. They only shifted slightly to the right as she saw _his_ reflection. He flickered in a similar way to the bulb above them.  
Alyx’s muscles tensed at spotting him with those grey eyes behind the bars of his private prison.  
_Finally awake are we?_ And there was that hideous smile again with those foul teeth.  
Without taking her eyes off the mirror, she took the tissue still firmly in place to stop the bleeding from her arm and placed it in the sink. Her head swam with many thoughts and feelings, too confusing to put into any reason.  
She was angry at him. He had done this to her and had not even told her why. It was not the most viscous thing he had ever done to her but it had resulted in her being fed like an invalid, and that scared her.  
“Why don’t you just finish it, Ryan?” she asked the macabre image in the glass, “That’s what you want isn’t it?” she turned to face him in this confined space.  
His head tilted. He certainly had been good to her, keeping her alive.  
“Your ultimate fantasy, right? To kill me...” she knew what she was doing, “Well, do it then...” she said firmly.  
_What?  
_“You’re going to do it eventually. You can’t keep doing this to me and expect me to come back every time. _T__hey_ can’t keep fixing me. I _will_ die!”  
_No you won’t sweetheart... I can keep you for as long as I want.  
_After seeing what he had done to her for no apparent reason, her mind felt like it would explode at any moment. Why had he done this? Why did he continue to torture her even when she was prepared to do the things he wanted? She wouldn’t survive... she knew that... but she knew that she could never escape him, ever.  
She could go along with it, she could make it easy, so could even convince herself that she enjoyed it because she honestly believed that she loved him... but nothing made it easier. He still did the same things, and by all impossibilities was becoming worse... She would not survive him...  
“Kill me, Ryan,” she looked him dead in the eyes, “Come on you twisted fuck, kill me.”  
Ryan laughed loudly at her order.  
A burning spread from her gut at his laughter, that mocking, selfish laughter, it burned right through her. No one laughed at her and got away with it, no one.  
In normal circumstances, her show of strength would’ve surprised her, but the adrenaline was too intense to take it in. She turned and threw her elbow into the glass of the mirror. It shattered and the pieces fell into the sink. She grabbed the longest shard, turned back to face Ryan and placed it to her wrist, unaware of how the screaming siren had fallen silent outside the door.  
“Do it, or I’ll bloody well do it myself!”  
Ryan’s gaze became serious, _You wouldn’t!  
_“What are you waiting for?” she cried, and then remembered she was supposed to be hiding, she continued in a hushed tone “Do it!”  
He advanced and fear took her as she side stepped out of instinct and made for the door, unlocking it quickly and stumbled out into the hallway. She cursed her instinctual movements, and made herself turn to face him again, “Come on then!” she yelled.  
“Alyx?”  
The nurses, both male and female were advancing but stopped when they saw the shard of reflective glass in her hand.  
_Oh shit! Not here! Not now! _Her mind screamed.  
“Put it down, Alyx.” one of them said softly.  
Her eyes darted between them and back to the wall where Ryan stood almost casually as he watched, “You’re not in any trouble, just put it down before you do something you’ll regret.”  
“Stay back!” she warned and extended her arm with weapon in hand to them, the arm shook in fear. She only moved it in Ryan’s direction when she saw him move in response to what he spotted behind her.  
“Alyx,” the familiar male voice said. It was Matt, his tone was easily recognisable, but the name he spoke was not, “Put it down.”  
“No! Not on your life!”  
“I need you to come with me.”  
Her breathing was erratic and her heart pounded in her chest as enemies advanced in all directions, “I have a new treatment for you to try.”  
“Fuck no, mate. No more drugs!” She giggled, “Okay, never thought I’d hear myself say that...”  
“Alyx?” he insisted, “It’s not medication, it’s something else. You signed the consent form, remember?”  
She shook her head, “I signed nothing!” A nurse stepped forward, “Stay, the fuck, back!” she yelled.  
Matt raised his hand to the nurses, urging them to let him handle this, “Alyx?” Nothing, her gaze focused squarely on the nurses, “Alyx?” He called again, but still no response. He swallowed his pride at that moment for he had no alternative, “Listen to me, Whore!” his voice boomed through the hallway and only now did she hear him and turn around. “I can make this stop, I can help you, I _know_ now how to help you, but you have to come with me.”  
She didn’t see Ryan move, for he dematerialised for a split second, re-emerging behind her.  
The nurses gasped as Alyx’s hand suddenly clasped tighter around the shard, enough to cut the skin on her palm deeply. Her fist raised itself to her throat and the shard now danced precariously close to the skin there.  
Matt tensed himself, “Don’t do it!”  
“It’s not me!” she cried in horror, “For God’s sake, it’s not me!!!”  
Ryan’s breath was hot against her ear for once instead of cold; one arm across her chest and his hand held tightly over hers forced the fist closed even more. His other arm encircled her waist.  
“Dr Harris?” a nurse asked.  
Again, Matt raised his hand to keep them at bay. He only had one chance at this, and if it was Ryan who held her then he had to tread carefully.  
“Ryan Kuhn?” he asked.  
Ryan’s head snapped up.  
“You don’t want to do this, do you? Think about it, Ryan.”  
_You have no right to talk to me, boy!  
_“You don’t want to hurt her, do you?”  
_Why shouldn’t I? She’s mine! _He moved her hand up, bringing the sharp edge even closer to the hidden arteries.  
“She has something you want, Ryan!”  
The unseen hand relaxed only a little but it was evident.  
“But you already know that, don’t you?” Whether he was talking to an actual ghost or just a manifestation of Alyx’s subconscious he couldn’t tell, although he was sure Alyx couldn’t possibly know about her condition. Whatever it was, the communication was working, “I need to perform a test on your whore; it’s for your benefit. She needs special care now, doesn’t she? Let me make sure she’s ok.”  
The argument was intriguing, and all the more so because for once it was someone else who spoke to him. What kind of treatment, he wondered.  
_What the fuck is he on about?_ Alyx wondered. Whatever it was, Ryan’s grip loosened.  
“Ryan, let me check if both of them are ok. I promise you, they won’t be harmed.”  
Promises were empty. He’d come to that conclusion a long time ago. But this was a different situation, and full care was needed if he was to avoid the dreadful scenario that had happened all those years ago. Miscarriages so early in pregnancy were one thing, and to an extent he could accept some responsibility but not all; never all. _She_ was the woman, _she_ was the carrier, it was _her_ duty to keep his child alive... He’d only forgiven one woman for such a thing... but then again, that was not her fault. He tried to drive the hideous memory of a time best forgotten from his mind.  
Cautiously, his hand relaxed but he stared the doctor down with a threatening look.  
_You harm her in any way… You will not live to regret it!  
_The arm encircling her waist released her and slid up her body, to her neck and hair, which for a brief moment he stroked before he dematerialised and released her completely.  
The shard fell to the ground and echoed loudly in the now strangely quiet corridor.  
The female nurses took the opportunity while it was there; they grabbed Alyx.  
“No! No!!!” Alyx screamed and tried to throw her body weight around to make them release her, black hair flying wildly about her head, “You don’t know what you’re doing! Matt, don’t do this! You don’t know what you’re doing!!!”

Matt insisted on coming in with her, even though the room would be crowded with him joining. They prepped her for the procedure as she was wheeled in. An anaesthetist waited impatiently to administer the muscle relaxant that would prevent seizures and convulsions. But Matt had made her wait while he’d acquired Alyx’s iPod and had placed the headphones to her ears. It was unknown as to how much people grasped in this state of unconsciousness but there was always a chance that external stimuli were absorbed, so he played her some music. Specifically, a Cradle of Filth song she had expressed a liking for despite the associations that band now had. He personally couldn’t see the appeal of the band himself, but supposed that this song –The Persecution Song- had its strong points, if ten seconds of a song counted as a strong point. He hoped it would relax her mind to hear something she liked, but it would also help to bring Ryan to the fore-front of her subconscious.  
The anaesthetist applied a tourniquet to her left arm, and then injected the muscle relaxant through the IV. The tourniquet would prevent the concoction from reaching that hand, thus giving an indication as to whether the treatment was working. The hand would twitch in time with the brain waves they would also monitor.  
A rubber mouthpiece was placed between her jaws to prevent her biting on her own tongue.  
The song ended and Matt removed the headphones.  
“We’re ready.” the nurse said.  
“Okay,” Matt replied, praying to God that this would work one way or another.  
“Set the charge.”  
“What’s the voltage?” he asked. He asked the question loudly, placing as much emphasis as he could on the word, voltage.  
“Seventy watts, but we’ll go to a hundred if there’s no response.”  
The air was charged with electricity, not just from the device attached to Alyx’s forehead. There was a physical tension in the room, a static sensation not necessarily the result of the equipment.  
Matt steadied himself as the nurse turned the dial. The anaesthetist held the sides of Alyx’s head and her jaw clamped on the rubber, and another female clinician held her hand to test the physical response. It would only last a moment, the electrical charge itself only administered for a second –or four at the most- the seizure lasting anything up at a minute and a half… One chance… only this single chance…  
“God forgive me.” Matt whispered to himself, and now, for the first time in twelve years, he crossed himself… Old habits die hard.  
The nurse placed her hand to a small red button simply labelled ‘TREAT’.  
The first thing Matt noticed was the chill to the air suddenly. A sharp coldness that made the hairs on his arms and the back of his neck stand rigidly on end. It was cold enough that when he exhaled, he could see the ghostly vapour of his breath.  
The monitors began to flicker, progressively getting worse. The lights swiftly followed and with it ECT machine beeped its fury as it reset itself over and over again. The tension built, creating a very real, suffocating aura within the room, almost taking the very air from it replaced by a heavy oppressive odour that clung to the throat and was true enough to taste; a metallic, copper flavour.  
The focus was away from Alyx now, instead everyone looked around. Some at the equipment, and some at the flickering light bulb above ... no one thought to look at the one way glass in the window that bulged with the pressure. A tiny crack appearing in the membrane as a sound inaudible to most ears screamed in outrage.  
The glass imploded into the room. Sharp, clear splinters erupting in all directions. Spraying without mercy into the face of the nearest nurse who had turned to face the window, not realising the danger she was in.  
The tiny shards pierced her skin and the inside of her mouth as she screamed. She did not have time to cover her eyes from the onslaught, several pieces flew into them. Her eyes streamed bloody tears. Her hand left the ‘TREAT’ button, but knocked the dial.  
The anaesthetist who held Alyx’s head now turned her attention to her own hands. The pain seared through them, caught in a vice like grip that only got tighter and tighter, crushing the tinier bones first. Her hands were lifted from the patient’s head by an invisible force. Lifted so she could watch as they were mangled before her. The longer bones snapped. Several incision wounds appeared on the skin of her palms and dug down to the bone. Her screams echoed the blinded nurse long before the pressure subsided.  
Matt backed himself against the wall at the scene before him. The third nurse also backed away, unknowingly into the embrace of the fiend behind her. Pressure covered her face, brought her face round, where unseen teeth met the sweet flesh, tearing through the plump cheek, ripping the flesh away from the jaw beneath.  
The light above them all flashed repeated to a steady beat, making everything move with doll like awkwardness as the clinicians ran in terror from the room.  
Finally, the force within the darkness found what it was searching for. The boy... The young man who held his precious thing captive in this barbaric practise.  
Matt felt the fist impact with his face, causing him to double over, where another sudden force collided with his chin. He was lifted up by the scruff of his shirt and flung across the room. His glasses fell to the ground; luckily he only needed them for distance.  
A glint of light came from the other side of the room. A glint of light on a table of metallic instruments. Instantly recognisable.  
Matt tried with all his might to regain his balance and push himself up from the ground. His hands pressing into the tiny pieces of glass that littered the floor, embedding themselves deep within the flesh.  
The screams echoed down the corridor, out of the room. Occasionally they became louder in volume as the swing doors opened and closed on their own momentum. Until finally, there were no sounds except the persistently erratic humming of the light bulbs and machinery around him.  
A spot of blood fell from his aching nose.  
Another smack to the front of his face brought his body upright. Eyes tightly closed from the agony of his shattered cartilage did not see the syringe as it drew closer.  
Something gripped his blonde hair, drawing his head back, exposing the vulnerable throat. The syringe tilted, aimed and with no reluctance was brought swiftly with rage into the skin, and its contents injected into the bloodstream.  
It stung, burned like acid through the veins as his frantic heartbeat pumped the antipsychotic around his body. He could’ve sworn that he felt it as it travelled through his system to his fingertips and toes. The grip on his hair was released and one more time he was thrown forward, his face scrapping the glass covered floor.  
Matt pushed himself up, a cloudiness coming down over his eyes making the flickering world of dark and light swim without coherence. He gripped the wall and dragged himself to his feet, and it was as he turned to the table where Alyx lay that he saw _it_...

Was it the flashing of the light bulb or was the thing itself flickering?  
The jerky movements caught in the glare revealed him, exactly as Alyx had described.  
The filthy straitjacket, old and mangled with leather straps that reached the floor, buckles attached to the ends and to several parts of the jacket itself. The mane of wild black hair that moved in an unnatural way. The rusty, heavy looking iron cage surrounding his face. Skin with a hint of blue, scars upon his forehead and darkened lips. The thing revealed its horrific teeth but it was not smiling; it was snarling.  
A chorus of voices filled Matt’s head, one voice but many at the same time. The mad ravings of a lunatic mind. Voices filled with hate. Rage like an erupting volcano.  
Matt’s heart leapt to his heart. It was real. _He_ was real. He was real, and looking at Matt with an expression that could’ve ripped eyes out. He nearly fell at the sight of it as it stood there, so hideously still but not at the same time. The jerkiness of the lighting did not help this perception, nor did the large dose of drugs in his system now. The medication had allowed him to see the thing that had haunted his patient, and he now wished that he’d never had the chance to ever see it in the ‘flesh’. It was horrific.  
They stared at each other in the strobing light for what seemed like hours, until one of them finally spoke out loud.  
“Release her!” It screamed at him. The force in the voice itself was enough to make Matt’s legs nearly buckle and he held to the wall for support, “Release her!!!” Ryan screamed again, amazingly, even louder and angrier than before as he advanced towards the young doctor.  
“Wait, let’s talk!” Matt pleaded.  
“No more talking, no more, you release her,” Came the reply as the ghost came closer still, “Release her, now!!!” He stopped advancing.  
“I will do, but first… first we have to talk!”  
Ryan’s eyes glared hatefully at the man before him, then to the girl on the table. Back to the man and back to the girl again. The thoughts in his head were normally too quick and unmanageable anyway. Now they raced through his mind. Harder than usual to control them and to concentrate on what was being said. He wanted to tear into this boy, to rip him to pieces but he dare not touch the ECT device himself and remove the girl from its electric charge. The memories still too strong and oh so painful from his own experiences. He needed the boy doctor to do it for him.  
Matt gulped as he watched Ryan’s eyes flit between himself and Alyx. The ghost’s apparent breathing becoming heavier, turning into threatening growls, “She’s fine, Ryan. She’ll wake up soon and she’ll be fine.”  
Cold, mutilated fingers clenched into fists, bringing the tips of his sharpened bones into the palms of his hands. There was no pain, no bleeding, but the sensation was reminiscent still of his former coping strategies. He had to calm himself, “You sick boy. You place a pregnant woman in that contraption. Have you no shame?”  
“There’s no harm in it, both will be unharmed. I promise, it’s a safe procedure, it’s been perfected, we’ve made progress with these treatments.” His speech was too quick and he stammered with the words slightly as he fell over them, but he couldn’t help it.  
“Progress? Progress?! You call this progress?” He brought his fist around, pounding it into the circuitry which sparked and spat back at him. Matt jumped back, “I spit on your progress! Release her!”  
This conversation wasn’t going anywhere, and Ryan was sure to lose it soon. Matt held his arm up in a non-threatening way and edged gingerly towards the table where Alyx lay extending his arm to her.  
He didn’t see Ryan move, but he was instantly there, taking hold of Matt’s arm and casting him away from her, “Don’t touch her!”  
“I have to.” Matt insisted.  
“No...” Ryan whispered menacingly, his lips curled back and his fists clenched harder, “She’s my whore! My whore! My WHORE!!” he yelled, beating one of fists into his chest.  
The movement startled Matt and with every passing second he regretted the choice he’d made in trying to provoke Ryan. In the past when he’d spoken to rapists they had been under arrest and behind a Perspex barrier to keep him at a safe distance.  
“Is that why you think you can treat her like this, Ryan?” He swallowed the lump in his throat, trying to sound calm but firm, “You will kill her if you keep doing this, and the child too. You know that don’t you?”  
At last, Ryan’s lip twitched with a smile, “You think me a fool? Of course I know that. She’s mine, to do with as I please.”  
“I can have her sent away from here. Away from you.”  
“And I will find her! I will _always _find her, doctor. You take her away from here and you have no way of keeping her alive.”  
“So you want to keep her alive, yes? Why?”  
“That’s none of your business.” Ryan’s head tilted, he was growing bored of this and time was precious, even to him.  
“What about the child?”  
Ryan was silent and his expression gave nothing away in regard to it. For all Matt knew, he didn’t care about Alyx’s pregnancy. Or perhaps Ryan saw it as some sort of achievement on his part, but that was hardly an emotional link of any kind.  
“Okay,” Matt looked around nervously. He had to find something else to bargain with, anything at all. The twitching of Ryan’s fingers expressed his loosening control over the situation. The maniacs resolve would soon wear off, “How long do you intend to keep this up then?”  
The answer was a simple one, malice hung on every syllable, “Until I grow bored of her.”  
Matt felt his heart sink and crack at the same time. There wasn’t even a glimmer of emotion for the girl in the ghoul’s scarred face.  
“_You_, cannot stop me,” Ryan continued, he took a slow, menacing step forward, “_You,_ are nothing to me. I could kill you now, and it would mean nothing...” Matt’s heart raced frighteningly fast against his ribcage so much that it hurt, “But that would be unwise... Especially when you can aid me...”  
The Jackal stood deathly still, a wicked smile was the only movement he produced as a plan came to mind. Matt held his breath, “_You_ can keep her _here._”  
“What?!” Matt asked, but even as the word sprung from his mouth, he knew what Ryan was asking.  
It did not matter where she went, Ryan would find her... and Matt would have no guarantee for her survival. To keep her here, was to keep her under his care. In a hospital he trusted. In a place where she could be mended. A place she might possibly survive the ordeal... _if_ Ryan were to ‘grow bored’ of her one day.  
He didn’t have time to object or accept.  
The ECT machine spat sparks loudly into the air, and a humming began with increasing volume.  
“Jesus Christ,” Matt whispered and ran to the machine, “It’s still on!” He reached his hand to remove the nodes on her skin, but was stopped by the tight grip suddenly upon his forearm.  
Ryan turned Matt to face him before striking him with his claws across his already bleeding face.  
“Ryan, I have to touch her! The charge is up to five hundred volts, it could kill her, you have to let me touch her.”  
“Then do it!” Ryan snapped back.  
Matt was startled, he’d expected more of an argument, but Ryan simply turned away and made for the wall.  
It now occurred to Matt in a moment of utter madness that Alyx’s life was directly in his hands. He could stop this now. If the charge from the ECT machine was sustained, it might be enough to kill her, to release her from this Hell.  
It was as if Ryan read Matt’s mind, for he stopped and turned his head back slightly, “If she dies, your death will mean nothing to me.”  
The threat was genuine, and Matt knew it. Fear grabbed him, even now as he watched Ryan place his hands against the wall and press his forehead against it. Ryan’s eyes and jaw clenched shut as he tried to block out what was about to happen.  
Suddenly, the machine sparked sending bright blue waves of electricity down the cables. Alyx’s limp body convulsed violently, blood immediately pumped from burst vessels in her nose and ears.  
“DO IT!” Ryan screamed.  
Matt jumped both from the bolt from the machinery and the loudness and anger of Ryan’s cry. The fear of his own death dominating any other emotions he may have been feeling. Any nobility he felt in helping this young girl to escape an unending death, any martyrdom he saw in the situation simply vanished. Replaced by a horror so intense it gripped his chest.  
Matt pulled the head brace from Alyx’s head and he pushed the machine with as much force as he could to the floor where it sparked, bright lightning bolts danced along the wires towards the head brace. It hummed with each charge, growing louder and louder before finally the machine blew its own fuses, bursting into flames as it did.  
Ryan heard the flames but kept his eyes tightly shut, not daring to look at the fiery dancers he would see within them. Those same dancing sirens who had beckoned him to his own death with their empty promises of release. He dug his fingertips into the wall as he heard Matt stamping his foot upon the fire. Dug them deeper still once the sound ceased.  
Matt went to Alyx and placed two fingers to her throat to check for a pulse. Although he could barely take his eyes off the ghoul on the far side of the room who now seemed to quiver with an inner turmoil Matt couldn’t possibly understand and hoped he never would.  
He couldn’t feel a pulse, oh God was he too late? Perhaps it was just faint, perhaps if he tried CPR he might be able to…  
But there was no time to try; Ryan violently pushed the young doctor aside hard enough that he hit the floor, growling menacingly as he did.  
Matt watched perplexed from his low vantage point. Watched as Ryan lifted Alyx into his arms and back to the corner of the room and began a ristulistic behaviour.  
He sat cross legged on the floor, rocking back and forth aggressively with her cradled in his lap. He started to scratch the skin on Alyx’s arms to provoke a reaction that didn’t come while he stroked her hair with the other hand that held her close to him.  
_She likes this. She likes this. She’ll wake up soon. She wants to wake up. Wake up! Wake up, you bitch! Wake up!_ His clawing became more vicious, opening up old wounds and creating new ones.  
Matt sat deathly still as he watched this display, too scared to try and stop the dead maniac from clawing at his prize.  
Alyx’s chest did not rise to breathe. Her eyes did not open as they should’ve done by now, the anaesthetic should’ve worn off. Blood dripped from her arms, a pool of dark red gore spread across the floor, slipping between the tiles one by one in a sick criss-crossed pattern.  
Erratic breaths and low mumblings came from Ryan who continued trying to coax the young girl back to him through pain. The stroking motion through her hair turned into tugging at the dark locks between his fingers. He clawed her scalp, her face, her throat; anything to get a response from her. He began biting the flesh exposed to him on her face.  
Matt felt tears well in his eyes as he watched this dead thing try and try to regain control over a situation it had no hope of manipulating. Matt wondered if this was as simple as the Jackal had implied, that he felt she was his possession or whether there was something else to this... but the fiend had no shame, it would feel no need to hide it’s feeling for her if it had them.  
_Wake up! Don’t leave me, whore! You can’t leave me, come back to me...The only reason you even exist is because I keep you…_ He looked up, _Don’t you dare,_ he cursed the Heavens, _Don’t you dare take this one from me. _I _choose when they leave, not you. Not again!  
_Infuriating by her limpness, Ryan took Alyx’s face in his hand and smacked it hard against the wall. A hideous inward gasp from her lips made him jump but he did not let her go.  
Alyx’s lungs filled with sweet oxygen. Her eyes remained shut, but in the blindness her hands sought one thing, that course material of the straitjacket she knew would be there. The cold, rusty feeling of the cage. She gripped it tightly, bringing herself close to him.  
He returned the fervour of her embrace with his own. Digging his claws into her skin and his face into the crux of her neck as she gasped and panted. Her chest heaving against him.  
Matt gasped too, unbelieving of what he was seeing. She was alive; not just alive, but clambering for the ghost who haunted her.  
Ryan lifted his face one last time to look at the doctor boy who still sat watching them. That menacing look in his face still there, “_You_ will keep her here. _You will _keep her alive for as long as I desire her.” He did not need to say anything more... Ryan dematerialised instantly, leaving Alyx before her eyes had even opened.  
She looked around. Ryan was gone. Her head hurt like buggery multiplied by ten. Blood streamed from her nose and ears, adding to the puddle of her own viscous she found herself in. It reminded her of the scene in The Shining when the lift doors opened… She looked behind her, seeing a trembling figure on the other side of the room that had trouble breathing.  
“Matt?” she whispered. The question was not just to confirm his identity.  
Matt’s lips quivered. He was too scared to move closer to her for fear that Ryan was still there somewhere. Simply proving a point that he could leave her whenever he chose to with no remorse or concern.  
“I’m sorry...” he responded.  
Alyx sank back to the floor.  
The flickering light above them flashed several more times in succession before it died completely plunging the room into total darkness.


	19. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I appreciate all the kudos and views this has gotten. This is the final piece for this story... More will be coming soon...  
I would appreciate any feedback and reviews on this. Thank you

A clicking sound from the door brought her thoughts back to the present and the jangle of keys on the other side of the metal.  
“Oh thank you God…”  
They were late tonight giving her the medication but now they were here, everything would be fine now.  
The door was opened by a male nurse and another well dressed young man entered the room. The girl raised her head to look at who had come in and tensed immediately.  
“Evening Alyx, how are you feeling?” Doctor Harris asked her  
Alyx’s eyes bore a hole into the male nurse by his side, “Get _him_ out of here!”  
“Now Alyx we’ve been over this-“  
“I’m not doing anything until he’s gone!” For God’s sake, they knew the procedure, no men except Doctor Harris, what couldn’t they understand about that?  
Doctor Harris turned to the nurse who handed him a set of keys and her medical notes. The nurse closed the door behind him.  
Matthew dropped the professional façade as soon as the door locked. He approached the bed and began undoing the shackles holding her down.  
She breathed a sigh of relief and sat up once the restraints were off. She had to peel herself away from the sheets, for they clung to her bony flesh by the blood that had seeped through to the thin mattress. She took a deep breath for the first time that day.  
“I’m sorry about that; they’re insisting I start introducing you to other men.”  
She ignored his excuses and rubbed her raw wrists to relieve the sensation of pins and needles as blood began to flow back into her fingertips.  
“Seriously, how are you?” he asked.  
“Sore.” came the monotone response he’d become accustomed to.  
She was a state; a bent, beaten and bloodied mess of her former self. Skin a deathly pale shade, eyes red, surrounded in bruising, hands trembling even as she sat still.  
Matt handed her a plastic cup of water and a small pill which she threw down her throat with no hesitation. She held out her hand expectantly for more. When none came, she looked at him.  
“And the rest?”  
“Alyx, do you remember what we discussed yesterday with the other consultant? About your medication, how you were becoming dependent on it?”  
“Yes, I remember, but I don’t remember agreeing to a change in the dosage.”  
Matthew sat next to her, not too close though. In hope of preventing her anxiety levels from rising he offered her a cigarette as had become customary between them. He lit it for her and sighed.  
“It’s clear to the other clinicians now that the medication I prescribed wasn’t helping you. So it’s been decided to try something new. Something to deal with the hallucinations.”  
“I don’t need that!” she replied sharply, “They’re not hallucinations. I just need the sleeping pills… and the other stuff, whatever it is,” she licked her lips which were cracked and sore.  
She hadn’t even had her hair washed today; it looked greasy and hung in strands over her face. Although she wasn’t allowed to shower without supervision anymore, it wasn’t right that she’d been left like that.  
Matthew made a mental note to talk to the nurses about that later.  
“I know,” he reassured her, “But I can’t keep prescribing lithium in these quantities. Not only is it dangerous, but it’s a drug that demands quick results or they pull you off it, they know it’s not helping you.”  
“Then why don’t you lie?”  
“It’s not that easy I’m afraid. So I’ve had to resort to other alternatives,” he looked at her, “Have you heard of a drug called clozapine?”  
She shook her head.  
“It’s a long term antipsychotic. Really hard stuff. Only prescribed for really serious cases. It takes two weeks for the drug to become effective, but if the dosage is delayed or stopped for any reason during those two weeks you have to start all over again. I can keep that up for several months I think before someone notices the pattern, but after that…” he trailed off.  
“Will it make me see him?” she asked.  
“I don’t know, but there’s only one way to find out. Although I still don’t understand why you’d want to.”  
She smirked at last, “He’s going to do this stuff to me regardless, personally I’d rather see him than not… Plus, he gets angry if I can’t.”  
Alyx finished her cigarette, and as she did the light above them flickered, not going out completely but dimming enough to be obvious. She smiled, then looked to the floor, “Not that I don’t appreciate the company, Matt but I think you need to get the fudge out of here, sharpish.”  
He didn’t need to be told twice. He rose from her pitiful bed with its varying colours of blood stains and prepared her cuffs.  
“Ready?”  
She nodded simply, thankful that during their conversation he’d managed to palm her one last sleeping pill before he left.

As he twisted the key in the lock he turned back at her again. Strapped back down to the bed. He couldn’t stop his eyes from wandering to the gradually emerging bump growing on her abdomen.  
‘Just a side effect from the medication’ he’d assured her when she’d asked about it some weeks before. And he would tell her that same lie when she eventually started to complain of sensations of movement from inside her.  
Just like the madman who had caused this, the young girl had not been mad when she entered the hospital; but she would be...  
“I’m sorry...” he whispered as he briskly left when the light above them flashed again, but angrier this time.  
Light and darkness danced before her pained, tear filled eyes, but she dare not close them.  
Her arms settled into the cuffs that held her to this hideous bed. If he wanted, he would release her from them, but she doubted he would.  
The room plunged into pitch black, leaving only the afterglow of the bulb hanging in the air. The only other light came from the moonlight streaming in through the barred window. Obscured by silhouettes of the tree branches outside that moved as deathly insubstantial shadows across her body. She could not feel their touch.  
But she could feel _his_ touch. She felt his fingers trace the contours of her swollen belly. She felt them move further up, to her chest, to her neck, through the tangled, greasy mess of her hair. She felt him before she could see him and the tears came as she finally saw him smile down at her.  
_My name is... My name is..._ her mind yelled at her, but no name was ever spoken.  
“Hello sweetheart,” Ryan whispered with a wicked grin, “Did you miss me?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Coming next in the Ryan 'The Jackal' Kuhn Saga... My Fallen Angel.


End file.
